Something new is troubling me. In my dreams I am haunted by my waking misery. My leg does not hurt in my dreams, no, that is not the trouble. I dream of shedding my antlers. Thanks to the magic cast on me by others I have a brown spotted pelt and the long slender face of my mother but it seems that there are no antlers that feel natural. In my dreams I thrash my head against the trees until the accursed things fall bloodied at my feet. For a precious moment I feel free. The happiness does not last. To my dismay they grow back twice as big as before. I can’t stop myself. I break them on rocks. I twist them between branches. I thrust all of my energy into fallen logs. But each time they grow back even larger than before. I panic. I run through the forest in a blind fear until my antlers become so heavy I can no longer carry them. No longer able to run I weep with despair. I wake up to find my antlers at their normal size but that brings me little relief. I shall never be free.

I woke up this morning to find that my body had changed. I feel magic stirring in my bones. I realize it has been a month since I was born. I think it is time to leave this place. I step into the light and I am not afraid. I am not a fawn anymore. I am not weak. I walk with a limp but I don’t care. I hold my head high. I reach the pond and drink from the cool clear water. It tastes amazing compared to the muddy puddle I have been drinking from. I see my reflection in the water and I am disturbed. I don’t want to look like this. I leave the pond. Later I see a group of deer gathered around a tree. I watch them cast spells on each other. This is what I want. It takes me a long time to reach them. My heart beats faster as I get closer. I remember what mother did when meeting other deer. I bow. No one bows back. I wait a moment and they ignore me. I don’t care. I push past them and cast a spell of my own. I am accepted and they continue casting. I feel my antlers bend and twist themselves into new shapes but none of them feel right. After some time I feel a new sensation. A new face! I see the caster run to another tree and I follow. I cannot tell if this is a doe or a buck. I decide it is a she. We cast new masks on each other. Suddenly I feel a great happiness well up inside me. This is the right mask. I nuzzle my new friend. We relish in the joy of this beautiful day. My new friend wants me to follow. I can’t keep up. She is confused and tries to imitate my limp. This is hurtful but I know she means well. We find a way to walk together and she leads me to a group of deer. They nuzzle her and I bow to them. This time they bow back. The group begins to prance in circles around me. I try to jump a few times but it hurts and I stop. The others look surprised when they see the way I walk. They laugh. My friend leads me away. We walk to the pond and she lies down. I lie next to her and fall asleep.

I'm not sure if anyone has a problem with this. From what I have seen people on this blog people have separated them selves from their deer in the forest. I prefer to be my deer. I am just IC in forest and OOC on the blogs. I don't plan on having more than one deer. I hope thats ok... I'm relatively new and I am not much of an active blogger because I have dial-up and it takes forever to load this site but I am writing a story/account of my deer which I am posting here.

Driven by a force I have never seen they locked antlers. The fight lasted for hours. The looser is left bleeding. I see his breath in wisps of white against the chilled air. I cower in silence. He has seen me. I have no time to think. He is upon me. I call for mother but I know she will not come. I feel his blows and see a blur of legs as I am thrown onto the cold earth. Then I feel the ground fall away from beneath me. That does not make sense. I realize my leg is tangled in his antlers an I am hanging upside down. He jerks his great head and I fly through the air. I hear him calling into the night. I am his victory. He walks away. I am broken. Mother rushes in when she knows he is gone. She licks the blood and dirt from my fur but it is clear to us both that my leg is destroyed. Mother does not stay with me long after the rain starts to fall. She is young and can have another fawn next season. I drag myself to a sheltered area under a huge slab of stone and fall asleep. Morning brings pain. Many deer pass my hiding place but none see me. If they can smell wound on my mangled leg they ignore it. I drink from a puddle that formed over night. The pain is worse. When the sun sets my hunger is greater than the pain. I must move. I can’t use my leg correctly. It takes a long time to reach the grass. I fall and eat while lying down. It feels strange but I have no choice. I stagger back to my hiding place and fall asleep.

I don’t know how many days have passed. I have not been found by any deer but there is a rabbit grooming herself a few feet away. She joins me under my rock. I watch her. She ignores me. I wake up shivering and find that she has wedged herself between my back and the boulder behind me. I don’t mind. She is soft and warm. In the morning I watch her hop away. I am not a young fawn. I am almost fully grown. But I still wish mother would come back. I promise myself I will never leave my own fawn. Will I have my own fawn?