Whisper runs....

Willet's picture
I slowly ate the brite orange flowers the grew around the rueins. They where bland and soft but I didn't feel like going to find blue berrys so I took another mouth full.Munching slowly as I hid my small fram behind a rock I saw some deer run by, laughing , and jokeing they where haveing a race. I remember when I use to race. My hooves ached to join and let my small size carry me faster then anyone eles. I stayed calm and dug my hooves into the soft earth as the thundered past comeing to a sudden skiding halt a few feet away. I didn't move not wanting to be noticed. "I WIN"! One yelled. Her pelt dark blue with brite yellow desighns. "Oh come on you allways win" one half joked half wined. The other became alert but I was shure it was only a deer calling from the birch forest. This deer hade a white and black orca pelt with prong antlers and no mask. He sniffed the air befor heading around the corner of the rueins. The other tussled playfully on the ground for now. I stood up slowly ready to make my break unseen when a sharp voice came. "HEY"! I jumped from behind the rock turned in the air and was now faceing the deer with the orca pelt. "Um"? I said not knowing whether this was a threat or what. All these deer about my age a littel younger but where still larger then me So I readyed to run. "Why are you hidden behind that rock"!? "I..I was haveing lunch". "Behind a rock why not in the sun or eat some berry these taste terriabel"!? "I don't realy like sun batheing and I didn't fell like eating berrys". The other two had me sourounded my back to the wall of the reuins. I gulped. "Are you fast" asked the winner of the race proudly. "Um yes raceing is one of my few talents" I tryed to not let my voice show my slite worry of the moment. "You should race her"! Said the other who had wresteld with her. "Um.." My hooves said yes and my mind said no. "Oh come on you look fast and we haven't found some one to beat her"! I finaly gavve in and smiled under my mask "Fine". The other reached over and tryed to take my mask "Its easyer without this on".. I jerked back"HEY no I need to keep this on"! They all seemed suprized I had yelled. "I.. I'm sorry I just need to keep the mask". I whispered. Well we lined up and set our distance for the pond. We had gotten a slitely asleep deer to say go for us. "ready..set..GO"! We set off there hooves pounding hard and carrying them forward as they ripped chunks of earth into the air. The heads shoving forward and comeing back as there intiere body became a rythem of mucels and hoof pounds. My run was so much difrennt. Instead of one foot in front of the others I threw both front feet out infront and both back feet back then pulling them to gether my fronts pulled forward and backs pushed forward. My head bobing slitly as the wind caught my antlers and made a slite whistle sound. This is why I was known as Whisper. When others sounded like drums comeing and going I was scilent and gental. I soon took the lead hoping,sprinting threw the air my feet leavveing the ground compltely as I bound over a small dip. Soon I was in sight of the pund and I didn't want to stop I was free finaly. I was about to plunge into the water when I remebered that it would take my pelt and antlers..but more improtantly my mask. Banking left I headed for the bridge and didn't stop running till my legs ached twenty minutes later after rounding the forest eighty or so times. I colapsed in a area I had found when I first came. A coupel or rocks a mangeled tree and a tone of thorny bushes made it hard for anyone bigger then me to get in this safe littel place. I driffted off that night dreaming that I was home with my dad and we where happy playing card games at home and I never wore a mas cause the mark was gone and we never gambled again. Sadly I woke up.

This was very cute, but if I

This was very cute, but if I could give you one tip; breaking your writing up into paragraphs makes it look much nicer, as well as easier for people to read.
Reading this made me want to run around and race other deer, a very cute story! Smiling
Willet's picture

Thanks alot I hope you had

Thanks alot I hope you had run running as Much as Whisper does!