The story of a young deer named Kails...

Marilasd 's picture
This the extended story part of the end of my blog "bio: kails". I hope you all like it ^^

It was a quite warm day in the forest, but thats not what made it so specail. As a now young deer
named Kails pranced throught the dark wood of the endless forest, she could smell the thick, strong
magic that hung in the air. Today, she was now officailly considered a young deer. " Finally!!" she
cried, as she then happily skipped towards the playgrounds to meet her friend Akins- a bulky, tough,
and very handsome young deer like Kails but slightly older. They first came to be friends when Kails
was first brought to the endless forest. She had no past history of anything in her life- no family, no
friends, no anything.

She had woken up, very confused and frightened, and like any fawn, over-
reacted to what was her little strand of hope. She had seen Akins, or at least his outline, and without
pause (or thinking), had made a very painful and straight-forward introducement. Akins was calm
though, and then guided her to where she could go for some help. She was slightly bumped up, but
she worked through it. But anyways, she was very excited to be seeing Akins. She liked him, and
when I say that I mean really liked him, in the terms of like like. She was a very beautiful and
shophisticated young deer. She had no doubt that Akins had feelings for her also. In fact, she was
very sure because often she would talk with the other young deer and they would say to her "Wow,
I've never seen Akins be so.... soft. Or at least when your around. Its like he has this need for
protecting you. He's so close to you."

Kails LOVED the sound of that. And besides, Akins was very
handsome. Kails arrived at the playground, and was surprised to see lots and lots of deer there. She
always liked to go to the playground, because for some reason it often smelled like the light and soft
fragrance of roses. "Oh, how romantic!" she thought, with a slight happiness growing inside of her.
Then she heard his thick, yet soft voice call for her, and she turned to see Akin. His faced glowed with
happiness to see her, and he quickly reached her with just a few strides. "Wow, you're all grown up."
he teased, knowing it would just tick off Kails by the slightest. " Yeah, yeah, well, you're not too far
from me." she said, and then stuck her tounge out at him playfully. " So, um, I have a present for
you, so if you'd just follow me over here.." said Akins nervously. She followed him, and as they
turned the corner of a giant boulder, they reached a curtain of vines and leaves and stems and
overgrown shrubs.

"What..?" she questioned, giving him a very confused look. "Well, you could call it
a special little world all hidden by just the most obvious coverup..." he said, speaking a little too fast.
"What...? Where? Akins, i dont see anything but a bunch of overgrown plants and shrubs hidden in
large crevice in the rock." she said, clearly not getting what was so speciall about thist place. "And
besides, its not really that well hidden, i mean, its right by the playgr..." she said but was suddenly
stopped as Akins pulled back the brush to see a small tunnel leading far into the mountainside and
then to be ended by a dot of daylight on the other side. "Um..." stuttered Kails, but she couldn't get
out anything else. She was speechless, and kinda feeling stupid for her comments. After a long
silence, she then was able to get out "Wow, this is actually pretty cool. Where does it lead..?" "Well,
why don't we find out..?" said Akins anxiously. And so the to two friends (or should we say love
birds..?) wandered on into the tunnel, excitedly anxious to see what could possibly be on the other
side.



- TO BE CONTINUED............ -
Nix42's picture

I'd love to read it, but

I'd love to read it, but could put empty lines inbetween? Makes it a lot easier to read, this way I can't really focus. ^^;
''A spark neglected makes a mighty fire."
Kaoori's picture

I think you did well. I like

I think you did well. I like how you use your descriptions. Smiling
Maybe using some paragraphs would help just a little, to break up the story just a bit.. otherwise I think it sounds great. ^^
Marilasd 's picture

There ya go.

There ya go. Smiling
"Do what you love, love what you do." -Unknown
Marilasd 's picture

And thank you sooo much. To

And thank you sooo much. To have you reply means a lot.
"Do what you love, love what you do." -Unknown
Nix42's picture

Oh honey, you didn't have to

Oh honey, you didn't have to part every single line! But you have my gratitude, it was a lot easier to read this way. I really like your story, it's cute and I'm really curious about the tunnel.

(By the way, I'm sorry if you misunderstood me, I'm not a Native speaker so I didn't know how to explain the 'parting lines' to you. I meant it the way it's done in a book. Or this comment for example, since I tend to use it a lot.)
''A spark neglected makes a mighty fire."
Marilasd 's picture

lolz, oh, sry. I'm just kinda

lolz, oh, sry. I'm just kinda new to all this... only been here for a month. Sticking out tongue
I guess you could just say i'm kinda like Kails age(young in spirit, that is).
"Do what you love, love what you do." -Unknown
Marilasd 's picture

Like that...?

Like that...?
"Do what you love, love what you do." -Unknown