Stitches

NotAvailable's picture
okay..so I followed the rules to make a biography from the page Toya sent me. I hope its okay..





name-STITCHES

sex-male

age-is now a full adult stag (young male, i guess)

condition-still in pain from his past; still suffering, but now not alone; with friends

costume-light gray skin, red poppies in default antler

family-none

birthday-about one month ago

species- TEF deer

pictograph- thank you to .Ru. for showing me how to do this
"Smile"


moods-mostly sad. but when something or someone makes him laugh, the stitches that cross over his face go up in a smile.

friends or people he's met-
Toya, makes Stitches feel safe, makes him laugh when hes sad. feels to stitches like his first mother.
Matthew, good to sit by, nice to play with
Jennie, cool zombie deer, likes to talk to, sit by. feels to stitches like a fun big sister.
Flyleaf, awesome special mask, good to talk to and sleep by
Arcus, really curious of, it would take a lot of words to describe her, touched that she wants to protect him, fun to play with

IMPORTANT NOTES-
scared of crowds, gets skittish around large groups, scared of angry or mean deer, or anybody that looks like they want to hurt him
likes friendly deer that want to play, adults that will protect him, fawns or others that make him laugh, likes also to sleep because it helps him forget about problems and past
will sometimes sit near the crying statue and cry with it
added/new* will protect deer that have protected him when he was a defenseless fawn; will go to great lengths and even lay his life down for his friends if necessary

description- very large black eyes, so black you can see your reflection in them. they are filled with fear that the man from the woods put in him. the man's dog chewed a bite out of his right ear, it has two teeth marks in it. black stitches cross from one side of his face to the other, covering his mouth and going up over one side of his head and circling around the ear with the bite marks. Stitches always feels sad because of what happened to him when he was a baby, and what happened to his mom, so he almost always has a sad face

backstory-
Stitches got abused when he was a baby. All Stitches ever knew was darkness and evil. a time when he wasnt exposed to it was when he was born. for the first few days he stay close to his mom, but one day there was a popping sound and his mom was carried away. the next thing he knew the fawn was slung over the shoulder of a man dressed just like the plants. the man took him to his house in the woods and sewed up his mouth, all the way across his head, so that he wouldn't make a sound when the man hurt him. eventually the fawn found a way out of the house when the man was gone, and ran as fast and far as he could away into the woods. he never saw his mother again. From then on, the fawn remembered the man and what he did to him, and how it made him feel. he was scared of anything that towered above him like the man from the woods used to. the fawn remembered that the man called him 'Stitches' sometimes, and would kick him as hard as he could in the rump. evil and darkness followed him like a shadow. you can see it in his eyes. but he doesn't want to be evil. he just wanted to escape from it. and hes still trying to. doesn't eat very much. he used to try to hurt himself with sharp things or would try to fall out of trees. but now that he found nice deer and people on this site, he doesn't try to hurt himself anymore.

places of interest- anywhere theres ferns or flowers or weeds that he can hide in, dark places or crevices, or asleep at the foot of a tree. also next to his friends where he also feels safe



this is a drawing of Stitches that i made when i was in the woods yesterday:





mini story book-
4.17.14 - Stitches slept in the weeds for a very long time this morning. he decided to explore some parts of the forest after he washed in the tears of the crying statue. a white buck with a skull and giant red antlers started chasing him from behind after stitches was a few feet away from the statue. this took stitches by surprise, and instead of fighting with the stag, was trying to figure out why he was fighting with him. maybe stitches had unknowingly gotten too close to the figure he was guarding laying on the ground? whatever it was, Stitches tried his best to stay on good terms with the sudden stranger by acting submissive. he sat on the ground while the stag attacked him, also sniffed and bowed politely when the chance arose. but still, the mystery stag continued on, running off to the ruins and turning himself red, just like what Jennie does. another deer came into the picture, one with a skeleton skin. this deer seemed to know the mystery stag as well, and stitches introduced himself as always. the running of the rambunctious stag up and down the forest seemed actually to be amusing to Stitches, and he and the skeleton-skinned deer ran with him.


4.13.14 - Stitches is now a grown stag, as of today. it shocked me to see him stay that way after i entered the game and im amazed that hes able to keep things on himself now. his costume will be simple, something like a pale skin, pointy antlers which i am still undecided about, and probably no mask, to keep his face as i drew it.


3.30.14 - today Jennie showed stitches that she could make her skin turn red at the ruins! stitches thought the only place you could do that was at the crying statue. then jennie showed stitches she could go underwater in the lake. stitches could walk on top of the water like a jesus deer, but he not go under the water. stitches thinks jennie is the trick master.


3.29.14 - starting to feel tiny tears on the sides of his face and the top of his head. stitches is realizing hes growing bigger. the roses Arcus casts on his head he secretly likes to eat them when shes not looking.


3.24.14 - im sorry i cant put in a story today. my chemistry teacher saw my wrist and sent me to the nurse to have it checked out. she said its one of the worst shes ever seen of a cutting infection. theres puss all crammed inside of it and its puffed out like a large bracelet. it doesn't hurt as much as it looks. i got sent home but my dad wouldn't take me to the doctor. i went to my room and passed out.
i literally have nobody to talk to. thats why i post this junk here. sorry ;;

3.23.14 - stitches always sees jennie in the forest. she is almost always the first and the last friend he sees come and leave. in the afternoon Arcus was really nice to stitches and kept getting him skins and masks to wear. she got him a mask like hers, and then she gave him a nuzzle and ran away. Stiches saw Lady in Red but she left really soon suprisingly... jennie took stitches and another small skull deer to a place where rocks were shaped in a circle. but in the morning jennie showed stiches broken rocks in the shape of a triangle. stitches hasn't found any shapes in the endless forest yet, but when he does he will show her

3.22.14 - Jennie was there today and showed stitches she could go underground. stitches wonders how in the world she can do all that? later stitches found Ben and jennie turned into a fawn which made it funnier. later today stitches woke up on the big rock and heard Toya. so he ran to her. stitches finds comfort in Toya. to him she reminds him of his mother. the one the man in the woods killed. stitches fell asleep again, and when he finally woke up, she was gone. he sniffed out familiar smells of his friends jennie, flyleaf, and kio. there was also a smaller deer that had the same special mask as Flyleaf! the deer was just as polite as him, too. stitches met a unicorn named Trout. she was nice to him. it seems to stitches that Kio is always sleepy and hes never gotten a chance to meet her when shes awake yet. flyleaf had to leave so soon, and stitches feels sad whenever one of his friends leave. but hes always happy to see them again the next day


3.19.14 - HOTOTO!!! ...and one fawn about Stitches' age that he didn't know! the fawn had candles on his head and had a white skin. sat next to Hototo and mystery fawn until Jennie and Flyleaf come. stitches never laughs so hard as when hes with his friends. Stitches got a little better at casting spells on people today and saw Jennie butt-slide! stitches doesn't know what to call it, so he calls it that. Jennie had to leave and stitches was sad, but he sat with Flyleaf, another stranger, and a fawn until he fell asleep. when he woke up, no one was there anymore.

3.18.14 - Jennie showed stitches cool tricks like how to run from a really far distance and sit on top of the ruins! stitches met a small deer called Arcus. he thought she didnt like him at first, but then he relized it just because she doesn't know what to do around fawns. stitches hopes she likes him because he's been disliked severely in his past for a long time by the same person. the same person who stitched his face up. stitches tried to copy after jennies tricks, but theyre so hard to do. he just has fun watching her do the tricks Sticking out tongue jennie turned into a giant frog at the white statues and sat under the ground so only her big red horns were sticking out! stitches is amazed at how tricksy she is. he saw that the red skull deer with the stairs picto tryed to copy jennie but he couldnt do it. xD

3.17.14 - stitches found Ben sitting near the crying statue and started playing with him. Ben made him laugh so hard that the stitches on one side of his face tore slightly. there was some blood, but Stitches barely noticed because he hadn't laughed so hard in his life. Ben was really funny to Stitches and did a lot of neato tricks like Jennie. stitches tried to copy after Ben, but its not as easy as it looks.


3.16.14 - wandered around feeling kind of lonely. Stitches didn't see any of his friends today so far. A red deer with big horns and a skull allowed Stitches to follow him to the big rocks. it looked like he has a family. stitches fell asleep for a while and when he come back, the red deer was gone. so he wandered off to the crying statue and found Lady in Red and another fawn dancing. he join them a bit until the big red deer's friend looked like she wanted to get Stitches' attention. but she was getting the attention of a tiny fawn sitting by itself next to a tree. Stitches felt embarrassed and sad. he hid himself inside of a nearby tree so that only his face popped out and he watched them walk away.
Best part of his day - hanging out with Jennie and Flyleaf, Uitleger, Ben and Kio [i hope i got everybodys name right]


3.15.14 - Stitches got attacked by a skull deer with big pointy antlers. he tried to run away, but the deer kept following him and teasing him. stitches tried to find hiding spots or follow jennie but the deer followed them too. the deer with a triangle above his head was nice to stitches. he tried to get him a costume
Snail's picture

Oh! Maybe you are, I'm not

Oh! Maybe you are, I'm not sure myself. Do you know any of the town's names? It usually helps with finding where you live. Alexandria is a city in Virginia, maybe Virginia? It's hard to know for sure, I looked up "united states alexandria" and came up with Virginia. Does it look at all like where you live? Do you live near a town or near a big city? I know I sound like I'm prying into where you live, but I just want to help you know where you are. Smiling Or maybe a zip code? Do you know your zip code? It could be on mail you received! If you google your zip code (mine is 54016, which when google'd shows up as Hudson, Wisconsin, where I live!), it should tell you your town and state!

I agree with the robot thing! I'm a huge fan of robots and zombies (so far robots are taking up first place thanks to Transformers!) and enjoy reading and watching them. Smiling

Oh the silly site messed up the link, here you go!

You're welcome about the pictogram! I named mine "snail" because, well, it looked like one and I love snails (and all the other insects and spiders!). I can understand the reason for choosing that meaning behind your pictogram. Just remember, you're not alone and we're all here to help you be happy, even if it's not much!
LunarPriestess's picture

Really funny that while I

Really funny that while I understand your dark thoughts. I live in feel contrast, because I very sensitive person. Something could easily upset me and I can fall into a depression, but I in time is able to pull himself. I'm trying to not give bad feelings to take hold of my mind.
About types - all of types bad and good equally. Each of types have advantages and disadvantages.
About art - there is nothing bad in dark colors, you should not spoil your artwork. You just vent your feelings in these colors.
As says - you're an artist and you can see so. I generally like dark colors and find them deep and calm.
I can record for you to read anything. You want?
Look, my sleepwear remind your picto. <3
I wanted to ask - how you sleeped at this night?
And you dined?
NotAvailable's picture

Snail - i might live in

Snail - i might live in Virginia. I looked up my zip code from a piece of my dad's old mail. 22304. its from Alexandria. your right. and i thought i lived in Louisiana. D8 no, im not around a huge city. we don't have any neighbors for at least 10 miles around.
oh, and Transformers are awesome, too. i don't watch movies or shows very much because of the absence of a tv, but i remember seeing that yellow car from the movie somewhere.

i like your pictograph Smiling it really does look like a snail. i think spiders and flying bugs are interesting to watch. sometimes i think if i were that small, i wouldn't have to worry about much.

Lunar - i think its intriguing how you have off/on depression like that. mine has been constant since i realized that kids ran away from me like i had the plague. i guess my type would have more disadvantages to it. when im feeling horrible and i want to destroy something, i don't take it out on living things. except for myself, which i feel somewhat okay to do. so i take it out in/on my art or scream it out or run it out or whatever. that's how i feel about dark colors as well.
sure, if you want to. personally, it would be nice hearing another voice besides Carmen's (the lady who visits me), or union's. xD whoa. yes, your shirt does look like stitches' pictogram. i slept OK. we have a balcony on the second floor. its almost about to collapse and really unstable, but union loves to sleep on it as if nothings wrong. i always tell him to come back into my room, but he doesn't want to. im afraid if i go on the balcony plus unions weight it will bring us both down. i sleep right outside of my room with the balcony door open to watch union. we both ate various random items for dinner. i found a raw turkey that's been in our fridge for like a month and i cooked it in the oven. it still tastes good surprisingly and union got half of it. i don't have enough supplies to make a cake though and im still trying to go out and find the ingredients to make one. so far i have a small bag of flour, sprinkles i found from the food mart, and an egg or two. i have yet to find milk, which seems to be really scarce in my area, and chocolate. chocolate is the rarest of the rare. if i find it, i will probably be in a dream.


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LunarPriestess's picture

Yesterday you were gone so

Yesterday you were gone so long. I started worrying and waiting for you a long time.
Good that you came.
I drew something. This is my first work in watercolor.
FairyClock's picture

That is lovely, Lunar.

That is lovely, Lunar. Smiling
LunarPriestess's picture

Thank you. It's pleasant for

Thank you. It's pleasant for me. *w*

P.S For NA
I recorded the poem for you which itself I wrote last summer. It will be difficult for me to translate it for you but if you want - I will try and I will make it as soon as possible.
It is better to reduce loudness. It seems to me that the beginning of a sharp, I hope I warned.
By the way, I wanted to tell that I like your name, but I hesitate to call you by name.
NotAvailable's picture

c-c its beautamous. it

c-c its beautamous. it reminds me that our class was getting into watercolor before i dropped out <3 thank you so much. ;-; i think everyone should know that i'm making something for them, on this site, the people who have helped me change my life. it will be a thank-you for being my friend. and stitches.



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Snail's picture

Oh! That's good to hear that

Oh! That's good to hear that you've found out where you are. Smiling
I've been to Virginia, it's quite a nice place, love the historic places. Thank you! Yes, I love watching insects, I take of Monarch butterfly caterpillars when I find them outside so they're safe from the predators. We get at least one here at home.

You're such a sweet person, I wish I could hug you right now. Smiling
LunarPriestess's picture

I want to share with you two

I want to share with you two songs. Folk - magic music.
1
2
NotAvailable's picture

snail, have you ever found a


snail, have you ever found a patch of ground in Virginia where you hear bubbling and squishy echoing beneath your feet? there has been a place like that I've found in the deep woods. I think that's nice of you. I thought monarchs didn't have enemies because when birds eat them they get really sick or die. I discovered that when i watched a sparrow eat one. i felt really bad for the little guy. luckily, he ate a small one, so he just got really sick.
*sends electronic hugs through the computer*
i think you are, too. Smiling



i love those songs! the first one is beautiful and calmed me down almost immediately. the second one made me think i was in a trance and i was somewhere else. really beautiful, i was taken away. thank you.
and holy cow, Lunar. your voice sounds amazing. i want to learn Russian now xD no, its not sharp at all, it sounds great. if you can translate it to English, that would be good so i could understand it, but if its too hard for you, don't feel like you have to. its really good, though.
you don't have to call me NotAvailable or NA. you can call me Kyle. i think i can somewhat trust people here now.


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LunarPriestess's picture

Thank you, Kyle. Your name

Thank you, Kyle.
Your name sounds so softly and pleasantly for me. It is a pity that we have no such names.
And I think, can will simpler if I convey to you meaning of my poem?
I am glad that you came now again.
HolyMaria's picture

sweet strong being, I want

sweet strong being,
I want to give you this in case you're feeling sad and need something soothing.
I'm so sorry for the situation you're going through, I want you to know that even though we just saw each other in game just a couple of times, I'm here for you, to support you, to listen to you and help you distract you, and to love you.
After all the things you've shared with us you've been through, you still have become a compassionate, smart, sensible, good person; and that is admirable.
Life can be hurtful and terrible, but still has beautiful things, like the loyalty of your dog, the nature around you, and now this community too.
Keep going, we'll be here to help you
*hugs and nuzzles*

-María-
NotAvailable's picture

oh. thank you but what's

oh. thank you Smiling but what's wrong with Russian names? to someone who doesn't speak Russian they sound interesting, as well.
the meaning would be just fine, too.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I think that Russian names

I think that Russian names sound a little coarse.
I know that many of the Russian name derived from the Greek.
My name in Russian - Ekaterina. Caressing form is Katya.
Katya seems rude and I do not like. Therefore, I ask acquaintances call me Katherine.
And my poem is written about a grief which imperceptibly came to the house. I transferred a grief in an image of a black cat.
Unfortunately, in my poem they didn't go forward and lost a lot of things from this that could make.
They wanted to endure a grief, but instead...
They simply got used to live with bitterness and I don't think that it is a good way. The black cat could be replaced by a white cat, I think so.
I photographed our dawn for you.
NotAvailable's picture

HolyMaria - ;-; thank you so

HolyMaria - ;-; thank you so much for that. yes, that was amazing timing, because you must have sent me that when i was out on one of my excursions to the rocky part of the woods, to the east of our house. when i started making my way back, i developed a panic attack. i had heart palpatations and my breathing came to me in short, raspy breaths. i believe i had blacked out for a period of time, because when i woke up, union was licking my face and licking my head, which was bleeding. my head fell onto a sharp rock. i didn't realize that until i got up and saw a splotchy red rock on the ground behind me.
walking seemed more difficult after that, and i still don't know what caused me to have the panic attack. i must have been hyperventilating, which caused me to pass out, but the thought of doing that again gives me the chills. afterwards i cleaned up my head and sat down to your comment and listened to the music. it calmed me down so much that i actually fell asleep to it.
thank you for those kind words. i don't think ive ever seen so many of them in one place before.
*hug and nuzzles back* Smiling

LunarPriestess - well i guess i could understand that you don't like how your name sounds to you. i used to hate the name i was given. it sounded strange to me, like a foreign word. sometimes i will tell people to refer to me by my middle name, Samuel. that name also sounds a bit weird to me, so other times, i just would like to be called 'BlackWing'. it is the name i made up for myself when i feel the most out of it, or when i go into the woods for hours and feel like i start to blend in to my surroundings. i call myself that name when i feel most at ease with where i am.
grief, huh? seems like the world is full of it. it happens to you when you least want it to, and it lurks behind you always, waiting to seep into the crack in your life when it has been weakened. white represents pureness, i suppose. ive wanted to feel pure and happy for a long time now.
that photograph looks beautiful, by the way. i love that feeling you get from that short moment you watch the sun go down and wonder how many other people around the world saw that, too.
i think im still going through symptoms of loss...i wish they would be over soon. i keep finding myself getting angry because i waited too long to get help. it's my fault. i waited too long.


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LunarPriestess's picture

*hug* I am glad that now I

*hug*
I am glad that now I can spend with you more time if it is possible so to speak.
You nevertheless possess strong spirit. I like you. And I like to watch as you become stronger and braver.
By the way you affects me too. Usually, I don't leave the room. Not that from the apartment, even from the room. But today I left the room and played with a dog in a hall.
Unfortunately I weak and I have low pressure. I quickly tired, though I go every Thursday to be engaged to the gym in evening. But my dog Eva was grateful to me.
I can't go to the wood as you, therefore today I went to read the book on a balcony.
I took to you some pictures of me and my dog, but I don't know it is worth showing this.
Kyle, take care of yourself. Please.
***
I'm worried, that you gone so long again.
I hope that you are ok and everything is fine.
I also worried that I guilty in something. I waiting for you as usual. When you will come, if something wrong, just tell me.
I don't want to cause your discomfort and I don't want that you think bad about me.
NotAvailable's picture

hey. im back from the

hey. im back from the doctor's. im sorry it took me a couple of days to recover from my concussion. my doctor said that it could be causing me to have seizures, which I possibly already have. i had to be looked over by someone in the e.r. before they could release me, thus explaining my brief disappearance. i hope everyone is doing better than i am right now, and that everything is going fantastically. maybe i can get my life back into shape sometime soon, because it never feels good when things start to go bad left and right. all they would tell me is that i have a cut in my right temple that was sewn up with, yes, MORE stitches. as if i didn't already have enough on my body to begin with. i know that ive been through at least two seizures so far, and one started when i was sleeping. i have more pills again, and ive agreed to let a group train union for what to do in case i have a seizure again.
but hey, living is always better than being dead, right? -_-

LunarPriestess - you took pictures of your dog? that's cool, but why don't think their worth sharing? plus, i don't think your guilty of anything right now. well not that i know of. but why do you put yourself down like that? i don't think its your fault. you don't make me uncomfortable at all, and i don't think bad of you. i'm not gone from the site because of my friends. im usually gone because of my trips to the woods or because of health problems. its not you.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I felt that you were at the

I felt that you were at the doctor, however all the same very much were worried for you in my soul.
I am very glad that you returned and that you more or less in order.
I often thought of you and was afraid that there was something awful.
I can embrace strong you now?
NotAvailable's picture

yes, you were right about

yes, you were right about that. the doc and i know each other well, basically i see him so much anyway. but yes, ive returned yet again and the universe has kept me alive so far despite all of the obstacles im facing right now.
* 1 million hugs and high-fives to Lunar and my other great friends on this website *
im not dead yet, and ive made it this far, so im open to celebrate about anything, despite my injuries and various other problems.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I am overflowed by feelings

I am overflowed by feelings of happiness that I am ready to begin to cry.
I seldom worry about someone so strongly.
When I still knew nothing, I went closer to the center and made many pictures of Arbat Square for you.
I can show them when you will want.
*hug strongly*
NotAvailable's picture

wow...i am amazed that

wow...i am amazed that someone whom ive never even seen face to face cares so much about me. 8P
i cry actually a lot, more than i used to now that my dad is gone and something is wrong with my head now. did you take the pictures yourself? that would be interesting to see part of Russia from where i am in Virginia!


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LunarPriestess's picture

I took this picture from the

I took this picture from the iPhone therefore it seems everywhere the horizon is filled up.
Unfortunately, I lost the accumulator from the camera therefore it is necessary to be content with the small.
1
2
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4
5
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7
And this hell machine.
NotAvailable's picture

*_* whoaness. those are

*_* whoaness. those are awesome pictures. i wish i had an iPhone. or even a regular phone. i like the golden and bronze statues of the people that you took. and the picture of the pictures! i recognized van gogh's starry night in there. the buildings are also really hypnotizing to look at. ive always heard of big metropolitan cities with skyscrapers and streets and people and cars. ive also never seen a contraption like that 'hell machine' before. thank you for showing me these pictures. its so amazing how small, yet so huge this world is and to hear about the different interesting kinds of people there are out there.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I also have photos from my

I also have photos from my country house.
They were made in the summer. There the wood, the nature, a grass is everything closer to you, I know.
I photograph a lot of things and therefore to me there is much that to show. I like to photograph that to remember the moment which is pleasant to me.
You know, it is for some reason very interesting to me to how you externally imagine me.
I think that too I can describe as I to imagine you in my thoughts.
NotAvailable's picture

oh wow. i wish that i could

oh wow. i wish that i could save pictures of moments in time with a device i could literally carry with me everywhere. technology might take over our world one day in the future. but i guess that's what my memory is for..for now until i could get a phone to save pictures. i imagine you sometimes somewhat a bit like your deer character. but then i guess not all of people are like their deer. my deer is almost just like me. when i first came here to this website and found this game. we both have stitches. we are both extremely depressed. i have almost black looking eyes, but they're just a really dark brown. our skins are really pale. we are frowning or crying most of the time, and we are both very distrusting of tall, looming figures. my father, whom you all know of him from me, used to drink more often than he ate. he was usually a really nice guy. but for reasons entirely unknown to me, he'd turn around and try to beat the life out of me when he got drunk, and, like always, i'd try to hide or run somewhere when he got this way. it made me so confused, and sad, and angry all at the same time. this started to happen ever since i was in middle school. that was when i found the woods behind our house. and that's where ive been going ever since. i still do, even though he's gone now. besides this amazing site and all of the lovely people here, the woods is like a peaceful oasis in my ugly world. it is where i go to when my emotions are bubbling up inside of me and i feel like screaming out or just crying for hours in a nice, dark spot under a tree. that would be great if i could make a little shack or cottage to live in away from the house, but my old man never did teach me how to craft things.


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LunarPriestess's picture

You know, my father died of

You know, my father died of the same. It had something like a depression when he fell ill. He began to drink more, than usually. The matter is that he took a pills, but treatment and alcohol incompatible things. It gave strong blow to a liver. We put it in hospital, it became it seems better for it, but then. He died in hospital. As well by mistake of doctors. They didn't bring him in time to reanimation.
When it was ill, it couldn't go almost. It moved at first with crutches, then with a stick. My mother worked, and I after school was at this time with it. We didn't communicate almost, sometimes I made for it a dinner and he thanked me.
Is anguished to remember it.
I have too a pale skin. I have brown eyes which sometimes by the light the orange. I it seems very thin as to me speak.
I even can show you quickly as I look. I will remove this photo far away from others eyes as soon as you will see it.
.
NotAvailable's picture

You're beautiful, you know

You're beautiful, you know that?
i am also hurt when i remember my dad, because he was also fun to have around and good to learn from, but also abusive and angry at times. that's strange how both of our dads died in a similar way.
yes, and i also have tried time and time again to wake my dad up when he was still sleeping or wave a piece of meat under his nose, but it never worked. i never knew that he was in a coma.


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LunarPriestess's picture

Damn, now I can not delete

Damn, now I can not delete photo. I'm stupid Sad
I hope on honesty those people who there is in this place.
I don't think that I'm beautiful. I would like to be beautiful. On my face is always reflected my mood. I am often more ugly than it is has.
Sometimes it seems to me that all this isn't casual. We after all with you are similar in some things. I believe that people don't meet to us just like that on a way. All of them influence us somehow.
Anyway, I am very glad that I know you. I am surprised of your strength. Your situation is more difficult than mine and you show big force. I am sure, you will be able to make a lot of things. You very much are pleasant to me spiritually.
NotAvailable's picture

no, your not stupid. though

no, your not stupid. though im not sure about some people in this site, either. I hope that not all of them have bad intentions.
honestly, i would like to think otherwise because
1) we are all our own worst critics
2) i don't know all that much about girls, but i do know that you can look good even without makeup, as you proved in the picture.
true, people no matter who they are influence us in some way.
im glad that i know you, as well. people on this website has shaped me somehow, in a way that im still trying to figure out to this day. well, in the past ive had many trials and bad and evil things happen to me from a young age. the things just kept building on me, and ive found a way to train myself to deal with them. some bad things aren't too bad in themselves, but others are sometimes just too much for me to handle. i might seem strong sometimes, but i buckle under pressure from difficult or stressful situations that are most often thrust upon me without my desire, and that is when the woods comes into the picture for me. music it is probably for you, when you collapse under the pressures of your world.


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LunarPriestess's picture

Anyway I think that is weaker

Anyway I think that is weaker than you. Probably it is so necessary, after all it seems as men were always stronger.
At me everything became bad since then as the father fell ill.
After his death we also experienced difficulties.
We had much legal proceedings because of ill-wishers.
Now I remember it as simply bad dream, but I understand influence of all this on my mentality.
I never was such sensitive, as now. Earlier I was even not able to cry.
I often wished myself death and sometimes I continue to do it, and then I understand that it there was only a flash of emotions. Actually I am afraid and I don't want to die.
Recently it seems to me that I am sick. But it only strong fatigue. It is difficult to be so sensitive. I very much tired of study, but I love this.
Sometimes I feel sorry that I'm so far away from you.
Recently, I came up with a strange idea - send you chocolate by mail. But from Russia it will go a whole month!
FairyClock's picture

Hey, you! AlisonRobin helped

Hey, you! AlisonRobin helped me make this thingy for you! :3

NotAvailable's picture

sometimes ive thought that my

sometimes ive thought that my whole life was just some sick twisted dream and that i would wake up eventually and remember that i was in a great life where i had access to good food and cleaner water and somebody to see as a friend my age. it was why i thought i was in a dream that i wanted to kill myself. to kill myself would be to me to wake up, so i tried many different ways to end my life, in my 'dream' or so i thought, so that i would 'wake up into a better life'.
after certain experiences such as extreme pain, sadness, anger, hunger, and elements upon my body, it actually took me a long time to realize that i wasn't actually in a dream.
being sick is no fun. i think that when your immune system is down for a while, the body can get sick from simple things. take care of yourself, too, Katherine. Smiling
that's such a thoughtful idea! ;; im sorry that despite how much i would love to try chocolate because i don't often have those kind of luxuries, Carmen says it will interfere with my meds. i really admire that, though. i wish i could put pictures of what i see to you on the computer since i have no phone or camera or anything. Russian chocolate? how excited i was when i first read that! only to have my hopes crushed by the medicine i take. i am sorry.;-;


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NotAvailable's picture

;-; oh my gosh. i feel like i

;-; oh my gosh. i feel like i could cry right now. that is amazing. i love you guys. ;; okay, im crying.
how....how? i feel so warm and tingly inside... and i haven't felt that feeling in a very long time.
i will make it up to you. to you all somehow. i'm going to make a surprise.


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LunarPriestess's picture

Maybe not now, but sometime I

Maybe not now, but sometime I will send you our chocolate.
Thanks for reciprocal care of me, Kyle. <3 For this week already it became almost better for me. I get enough sleep and I don't trouble myself with lessons.
I hope that you too feel a little better. *hug*
I found something.
Toya's picture

Hey! I havent been able to

Hey! I havent been able to check in for a few days cause of work and computer problems and such! Just wanted to drop by again and send you good thoughts. <3 I hope you and Union have been well. Arent dogs great?
NotAvailable's picture

LunarPriestess - im glad to

LunarPriestess - im glad to hear that you feel better Smiling
now, i just wish that i could get enough sleep myself!
*hugs*
thank you..

Toya - hello! its nice to hear/see from you again Sticking out tongue
oh that sucks i hate it when my computer glitches on me. i don't like it when it disconnects before a storm (it usually seems to happen that way, i don't know why?)
thank you for the good thoughts, friend! *telepathically sends good thoughts in reply towards Toya*
i know it sounds dumb, but sometimes i think that if i can really concentrate hard, my will of that thought will happen, even if it is in another place thousands of miles away. (i know, it sounds dumb)
yep, union is doing good Smiling unlike me right now, but ill be okay in a few days if i don't have another seizure. Union caught his very second dove this morning, and witnessed it this time! it wasn't white like the first one he caught, but it was dark grey, and kind of fat. if union really wants to catch something, he sets his mind to it. i like to call it his 'game face'. x) hes much better at catching squirrels, though, and once he had a fight with a raccoon in the middle of the night. i had him checked that he didn't have rabies, though.


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LunarPriestess's picture

And here's another beautiful

And here's another beautiful sunrise.
You have cold at night?
I often feel cold due to poor blood circulation. Even in the summer I sleep under a blanket. Now I sleep under a blanket and plaid.
Generally I like coolness but I also love the warmth. And most of all I like a soft bed.
NotAvailable's picture

oh that's so beautamous.

oh that's so beautamous. thank you for showing me that, it always makes me feel better to see something pleasing to the eye.
in the winter, yes very much. sometimes when it rains and storms come in from the east, it gets colder and then goes away after a few days. im sorry about that. well at least you'll stay cool in hot weather, right? sometimes i sleep in the woods without a blanket. but most times i bring a sleeping bag so spiders don't get me. i love watching them, but I don't like them biting me.
i could tell you so much about plaid. my dad was obsessed with it. he made me wear it to school all the time. our carpets are plaid. blankets, walls, clothes, almost everything. even some underwear.
i like coolness when im hot and warmth when im cold. it feels absolutely amazing. one the many reasons living is better, i guess. soft beds rock! except when you're sleeping on a hard log
x|


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LunarPriestess's picture

I usually easily transfer a

I usually easily transfer a heat, but not when is very stuffy.
Now I already went to bed. I so like this warmth. I feel as my feet froze while I sat at a table.
Toya's picture

That is called manifestation,

That is called manifestation, and I absolutely believe in it. There is a lot more to this world than meets the eye. Sounds like Union is catching rock pigeons, rather than doves. Do they look like this? They come in all sorts of patterns and colors, more than is even in this picture.

NotAvailable's picture

Lunar - sometimes after I

Lunar - sometimes after I wake up, i cant feel my hands or feet for an hour. it may be because of the cold, but most often it is because the circulation was cut off from them for some reason...

Toya - manifestation? i knew what that was, but i never knew what it was called, thank you. i used to believe in magic, but stupid me, that was just a lie i was told when i was young that mystified me. i used to know a lot of 'magic' tricks. but its slight of hand that also involves some science. and yes, i recognize the bird he caught once as the white looking one in the picture, and the red-tinted one, just a little darker in color. i was never really good at telling the difference between pigeons and doves, except for the noises that doves make are unmistakable. it is very hard for union to catch a dove. when he does, he acts very proud of himself and shows it off to me before he eats it. now im not sure about the squirrels he catches, but by now hes been an expert at studying squirrel behavior and predicting what they do before they do it so he can catch them easier. sometimes he'll catch a black squirrel with no tail. they always have white tufts of fuzz on their head and look like they've been mutated or part of a freak science experiment.


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LunarPriestess's picture

Good evening, Kyle.

Good evening, Kyle. <3
How you slept today? Do you get enough sleep tonight?
And generally - how do you feel yourself?
NotAvailable's picture

good evening, Kathrine i

good evening, Kathrine Sticking out tongue
i slept okay last night. i had a strange dream that everyone i saw had no face. i woke up and it was raining so hard it looked like a flood of water was coming down over my window.
i feel a little stranger than i normally do, probably because of my new medication for my seizures ive been having lately. i think that may be why i have those weird dreams, too, but i don't know.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I think it's interesting.

I think it's interesting. Probably it would send me to art or philosophy.
I would explain your dreams as follows:
Maybe the people around you seem to be empty or simply all people are alike. Maybe you just feel so loneliness in a dream or we deposited in your subconscious so, because you haven't seen many of us.
I can think of a bunch of explanations for your dreams.
Some riddles have a lot of answers.
NotAvailable's picture

do you know how you just feel

do you know how you just feel feelings in your dreams, or like you just know something in your dream? well, i felt angry in my dream. i felt like i was trying to ask someone for help with something desperate, but whenever i looked at somebody for help, and their face was blank, i instantly knew it meant that they were unable to help me or didn't want to. nobody would help me with the thing i wanted. i knew that i wanted to tell someone something, and ask for their help with it, but nobody was there to help me. i forgot what it was that i wanted help with so badly for in my dream..


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LunarPriestess's picture

My dreams often any washed

My dreams often any washed away and I quickly forget them.
Your dreams very strongly express your internal experiences. It is well visible.
I generally often sleep badly, I wake up much.
When you were gone for two days, to me often dreamed that you answered me. It expressed my concern of you and expectation of your answer to me.
Actually all our dreams reflect that at us inside.
Even chaotic dreams can express something, like any strong emotions that you felt the day before.
And if to you doesn't saw in dream anything and you didn't wake up throughout a dream then you slept a deep sleep.
***
This is atmospheric black metal, but I think this closer to ambient bm.
This song sound some soothingly and positive. At least I hear it so.
Maybe it give to you good emotions and to calm all your worrisome thoughts.
With love, for you, Kyle <3
NotAvailable's picture

*u* that was bliss. i

*u* that was bliss. i forgot where i was for a few minutes. that really calmed me down a lot. thank you for that.
most of the time i sleep like a rock. some nights i don't have dreams at all, which, like you said, probably means that i did sleep well. now i remember the dream i had!! 0-0 after you posted the picture of yourself, i do remember having a dream about some girl who looked similar to you in one of my dreams last night. not the one with the faceless people, though. she had wings that were speckled with different kinds of spots and streaks. in the dream, she landed down in front of me, looked me squarely in the eye, and took my hand so that it was facing palm up, and placed a warm, bright object in it. then she just vanished into thin air. the object was so bright, i couldn't see it, and the longer i held it, the more it began to get hotter and hotter. i woke up then.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I think that I might explain

I think that I might explain this as your hope. You hope for the forces from above. I don't know what it is in your understanding - God, fate, or something like that.
It's simple - you hoping for someone's help subconsciously. I also know that you do not want to be alone. You've seen the image of man - that means you want someone involved in your life.
Alas, you do not hope for themselves. But in vain, because I believe it is in your power.
I don't know how much exactly I can understand your subconscious, but I'm trying.
Well here, I again froze. Shiver of this. Good, if at you more warmly than me.
NotAvailable's picture

i don't know either, but

i don't know either, but whatever it was, it gave me such a strange feeling. yes, i feel lonely quite often. i feel lonely in a lot of my dreams, and it actually matches the same loneliness i feel when im awake all the time. it might be weird, but i talk to myself very often when no one is there and talk to union as if he can understand me.


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LunarPriestess's picture

I too sometimes talk to

I too sometimes talk to myself, especially when I am nervous or I solve something. I start calming myself, sometimes even I argue with myself.
And it besides that I, it seems, am not so lonely.
Forgive if I long answer now. I learn about universities because I enter the study next year.