TRACKS

The sun warmed the back of an orange doe that wandered through the vivid scene that was the birch forest. She strolled aimlessly, though with a certain purpose, as if she were searching for something. What she was searching for though, even the doe herself wasn't certain.

Her eyes were bright, though not as bright as they once were; troubled times had taken their toll on Alani. She should have been perfectly happy, and she was happy, but something felt missing within her. The doe had recently become a Godmother to three, lovely fawns, and that had been enough to pull her out of a depression she had sunken into. Something though.. Something was still amiss.

A quite voice could be heard through the trees. Alani paused and swiveled and ear absently to determine if she knew the owner of the sound.. Zash.. She felt a certain heaviness press against her chest after she was certain it was the grey stag, simply because she couldn't think of him without associating him with another....

Still, she found the stag's company peaceful.. Vaguely, she recalled their last conversation.. About Donovan of course... She remembered him saying "I'm sure he's okay".. Alani wondered if he still found hope in those words because she wasn't sure she did herself anymore.

With quiet and measured steps, the orange doe walked towards him. He had ceased talking by the time she approached, and she looked on him with his downcast eyes.

"Zash.." she said, a simple quiet greeting.

A slight sigh escaped her white snout at his words. How true they were.

"You're right." she said meekly as she nodded and looked him over; small worry lines creased her forehead. Alani wondered how he was doing, if it had gotten any easier for him, or harder. It was a natural thing for her, to worry over others.. Some how, it made her own worry seem less significant.

After a moment, the orange doe turned her focus away and gazed out to the wooded horizon. The peaceful silence was almost deafening in a way.. The peace allowed her mind to wander to places she'd rather keep it far away from.. The peace[i] allowed thoughts to creep into her head and drive her mad.. The [i]peace didn't seem so peaceful anymore.

Her ears flicked back as she stared out at nothing.
"The quite moments are the hardest."

Alani watched as Zash went on his way.. She wondered if his gesture was intended to get her to follow and if if he was headed anywhere in particular, because she sure wasn't. Decidedly she trotted up to him and took up a position at his left side.

"I hope you won't mind if I accompany you."
The doe followed quietly, keeping an ear and a sideways glance trained on the grey stag. She thought about his words, feeling a chill go down her spine.. It reminded her of the day she'd sat on the edge of the pond, considering hushing her own thoughts for good..
Alani took in a ragged breath.. The didn't want to remember that dark moment.

Alani found the walk pleasent. She loved the birch and how the sun brightened the landscape and how the tall grasses danced with the breeze.

The doe caught his words with a flick of her ear and her response was genuine as she could make it.
"I've been better," she answered truthfully. She had nothing to hide, really.. "Though I've also been worse... Just taking it one day at a time, I suppose."

She studied him out of the corner of her eye as they continued on. "And how are you doing, Zash?"
It was more than just a simple question.. There was weight behind it. She didn't want a fake or automatic answer; she really, truly wanted to know.. Was he holding up okay?
Hopefully he was better than she had been.

Alani listened to him carefully, analyzing his words. She felt of all the deer here, he must understand. And it seemed he did.

Her gaze became more scrutinizing when he ceased walking. When his head turned right, she looked the same way, instinctively. For a few long moments she stared out into the woods, expecting to see some predator.. They were definitely a common sight around here, the doe knew from experience.

She saw nothing.. After giving her head a little shake to losen the tension in her neck, her gaze returned to the stag. Perhaps the stag had only been spooked by a small noise as she often was.

"You're not a burden.." she said with a sad smile.

He gave a weak smile in return, but shook his head, "I can't help but feel like it sometimes." He spurred himself into motion again, this time heading in the direction he had glanced toward before. "But that's just how I perceive things," he went on quietly, "I would rather worry over you, Don, Yara, Vesas, Aria, Keshi...I would rather worry over everyone else first than think for five seconds that I should probably worry over myself. It's in my nature. Not one of my better self preserving traits..." he trailed off with a sigh and the shake of the head, "I'm sorry..." He snuck a half glance in her direction, his eye flickered apologetically.

He came to a halt, studying the trunk of a tree as he listened to the doe's response. "It is easier, in some regard. You don't have to waste energy on yourself, you waste it worrying over others." He turned back toward her, "I feel it gives the illusion of acting selflessly. Which is somewhat easier, for me, to live with than becoming selfish and introverted." He gave a shrug, his gaze going from her to the tree, "But that's just my opinion."

He went silent as he stared at the tree. He was thinking through his options, his mind going from the depression he was suffering through to the portal that sat inches from his face. Portals were things you didn't just mess with because you could. Especially new ones that just showed up out of nowhere and may disappear just as fast. Suppose it did? What if it just whisked them away while they were in there? That was half why he was hesitating mentioning it. If it was just him... It was just him. No one would miss him. No one would question where he went. Those closest to him would think he was simply dead. Nothing completely wrong with that anyway. But...Alani. That wasn't fair to her to drag her into a potential disaster. He bit the inside of his cheek, thinking through it all. No portal had just...disappeared..as far as he knew. And no portal had never not allowed him multiple ways back to the same place. They wouldn't be stuck forever. He could always find them a way back.

"Do you know anything of portals, Alani?" He asked quietly, changing the subject completely as he studied the tree, only to send her a curious glance.

"Portals are interesting things; I don't know a whole lot about them, but once you understand the very basics, they're not hard to grasp." He backed up to where he was beside her, motioning to the tree "This one is special though. It's new. I didn't know it existed until back there..." he trailed off, gathering his thoughts, "but portals take you outside of the forest. That's how I can go home if I wanted to, or just randomly get away when I feel I need to. There is a portal or two that just spits you out in another part of the Forest...and I'm not sure where this one leads..." he trailed off again, frowning at his thoughts jumbling up his sentences.

What would you be getting her into if you asked her to join you? he suppressed a shiver. He didn't know. He wouldn't know until he..."If I went first to make sure it's safe, would you like to join me in exploring this portal?"

The gray started forward with a nod, "It can be very interesting." he paused before the tree, glancing back at her, "I'll go first to..." to make sure nothing's waiting for us "...to make sure it's safe. If it is, I'll be right back, if it's not...then I probably won't be back for a while." He forced a smile, "It's probably fine though." He hadn't been to a place where he was hunted the second he entered a portal, but...there was a first for everything. His expression slowly relaxed, the smile fading as he focused on the task at hand. He felt butterflies dancing in his stomach as he moved forward, but did everything he could not to show he was nervous. Sucking in one last breath, the stag stepped through the portal.

The first thing he felt was the sharp headache he got whenever he went through a human portal. The height change among the body type change always seemed to mess with his head. The next thing he was aware of was the smell of wheat, something that was sweet and baked in summer. He was aware of the sun about at the same time; it was giving off the same gentle, warm glow it gave everywhere in the forest. Zash wasn't paying too much attention to his surroundings as he took a minute to cradle his head in hope that the pain would deteriorate faster and would get a moment before turning around and doing it all over again. He just hoped the pain wouldn't be twice as bad.

The young man forced himself to stand, dropping his hand from his face as he peered about him. He hadn't heard any people. But that didn't mean they weren't there. People could be rather quiet when they wanted to be. That's when he noted other things. That there were clumps of wiry dune grass intermixed with the wheat. That trees looked a bit stunted, no doubt from the poor soil that was more sand than mud. That the air held a tint of salt, not just grass.

He didn't put the facts together until he slowly moved forward after carefully marking the little details of the entrance to the portal. He halted on a tiny knoll, one that was the start of much taller, sandier dunes. He was greeted by the wind pulling at his dirty blond hair and the cry of a seagull somewhere on the flat of the coastline. He had only seen the ocean three times in his life, all when he was getting on a boat to cross it. Twice with family, once with friends. But that was more than enough for him to recognize the emerald breakers glistening in the sunlight, and the sound of the surf was stronger, but always at a constant lull. Zash was speechless-save for a quiet exclamation of "I'll be damned."- All he could do was stand on the little hill and gawk at the surf he could see over the sand, but even then that was only for a few moments. Alani was waiting for him to tell her it was all right. He probably already had her worried as he was had been there for a little under five minutes, which probably felt like forever when you were waiting on someone. Giving the area a quick scan as he started back, he was still inconclusive about if people used that area. He hadnt heard any signs of them at all, nor had he seen buildings or anything of the sort. But he felt like he was missing something.

He mulled on that as he made his way back to the portal, gritting his in anticipation of the pain that flared through his head. Anywhere outside of the forest was worth that pain. He felt the grass under his hooves and slumped down, pain blinding him of pretty much everything. "You gotta see what's on the other side Alani," he mumbled, his head slipping to rest against his chest for a moment. "you won't believe it."

He nodded, getting to his hooves and wheeling about to face the fire once more. Some detached part of his mind wondered if Alani had been human before... Or if she simply woke up in the forest. Well...then they'd find out soon enough. He gritted his teeth and closed his eye as the pain returned, refusing to cry out or make any sound at all. He didn't want to scare her into reconsidering. This place was neat upon first inspection and after about five minutes-unless this constant back and forth he was putting his head through triggered an all day migraine- of cradling his head it should be okay.

Zash stumbled to his feet and wandered over to a close by tree trunk to settle at its base, where he simply held his head as he listened for Alani. He knew he would probably look ill to her. Being somewhat pale from being unable to get sun as often as he should, and his clothes fitting him like they were several sizes too big from him barely eating anything lately didn't exactly paint a picture of health. He hoped she would just assume that was how he looked and move along. If she had never been human before then she wouldn't know how they were supposed to look anyway, maybe she would just assume he was the norm. At least he hoped so. He didn't want to ruin any good time that she might have had by talking about how many serious problems he had. He'd much rather forget about them.

Zash ran his hand through his hair, simultaneously turning his head enough to see what had become of Alani. The first thought that ran through his head was something along the lines of thanking the gods she wasn't naked. That would have already made a relatively awkward situation all the more awkward. He wouldn't have even begun to know what to do in that situation other than give her his shirt and run off to find her something more fitting...he blinked, realizing he was staring off into space like a freak instead of speaking up.

An apologetic half smile crossed his face, his brown eye going to her blue ones. Pretty blue eyes... "Sorry, going through portals in succession like that sort of messes with my head for a little bit. Something in my head the Twins couldn't fix." Had he already said that? He couldn't remember too well. The smile flickered as his gaze went to the ground for a moment, thinking up something else to say. The smile returned, his lightly accented country voice taking on a friendly tone as he made a sweeping motion with his hand, capturing the trees, the sky and the area around them, "Welcome to the Human World, Alani."

Since she didn't correct him on the 'Alani' statement, he could only hope he was correct in his assumption. He relaxed his arm to allow it to fold across his knees as he watched the doe turned girl try to make sense of her new body out of the corner of his eye. He couldn't help but smile as she figured out how to use her voice, turning his gaze enough to look at her face.

"It is interesting," he agreed, "Sometimes even more so with other humans around." but much more dangerous too. "I haven't seen any yet, but I haven't thoroughly explored this place either." He gave a little shrug. "We might have found ourselves in a spot where they're a bit of a distance away." He lapsed into silence for several moments, the smile fading again as he glanced to the trees. "Oh!" He exclaimed excitedly, "I almost forgot, over there," he twisted himself around to point off to his left, "is something really pretty I think you'd like to see." He settled back into his original position, enthusiasm having crept into his voice. Yet, he seemed to compose himself rather easily enough, the excitement falling away just as quickly as it had come, "But not right now if you want to get used to your new body. It can't go anywhere, so there's no reason to rush. I don't want you hurting yourself trying to hurry along."

"Human bodies are designed for walking upright, kind of like a bird." he stated simply enough, though he stared off into space thinking that part through, "I could help you, support you, or I could get you a walking stick, something that could help you keep your balance." He got to his feet after he spoke, using the tree to support himself from the head rush that followed. He stared at the ground for a moment, before simply holding out his hand, "Or you could learn this way too. Take my hand. I could help you get to the trees for balance."

He couldn't help but flash her a smile, slowly starting to pull her towards himself and the tree, "It'll be alright, Alani. Humans don't walk as quickly as deer do, it takes them about a year or so to figure it out," in other words, she shouldn't feel bad if she fell, "And once they do, it's still a troubling thing to keep their balance." He knew if he had his other arm, he would have just carried her over to the ocean. At least there she would only get sandy or wet if she fell. At least...he thought so...he hadn't actually seen the condition of the beach yet. But she also had to learn. The sooner she got the knack of it, the better for her. She wouldn't be as bound to him to get her places. Though he wasn't so sure how he felt her wandering off on her own to explore, either though. He didn't know where people were here...and he didn't know how he could talk their way out of a situation of being found without making himself come off as some horrible person.

Zash didn't know what to do in this situation, other than keep smiling and scoot over a bit to give her more of the tree trunk. He didn't let go of her hand, though, she held his in what felt like a death grip. Her shaking like she was a newborn fawn was both alarming and entertaining. Alarming because he didn't want her to fall and hurt herself, entertaining because the whole situation was a rather funny one in general.
"See, there you go. Just take small steps...let your legs get used to moving." he exclaimed quietly, as if talking soft would help the situation along. It was more or less because he didn't want to talk any louder for fear of laughing himself.

Zash kept his smile, only bracing himself a bit when she steadied herself on his arm. He wasn't incredibly strong, nor did he have much weight behind him. He got just as easily unbalanced, though being able to catch it beforehand helped a lot.
"You're doing great," he encouraged her, moving only enough to keep her pace, "Just up on this little hill here is where you might be able to see it. At least, at first. We can walk closer too of course."

"Welcome to the ocean, Alani." In truth he had no idea what he we going to find in this place. He didn't even know which ocean it was. All he understood was that it was one. Even over the dunes when all they had was a patch of blue water and rolling waves to go off of, the scent of salt that was laced with every breath sort of added the evidence that it was. It was either the ocean or an extremely large saltwater lake. The smile slowly faded as he scanned around them. Dunes and hardy beach grass sprang up everywhere in front of them. There was no easy way to the flat-hopefully flat- coastline. He didn't know how well Alani could manage going up and down sand dunes. They weren't very tall, but going up and down sand was tricky even for someone who knew what they were doing when it came to walking. Alani was still getting the hang of flat ground and slight rises.

The young man snuck a glance down at their hands, trying to see if there was an easy way to free his so he could go see if there was a flat path between the dunes. He felt ice creep up his spine as the realization dawned on him: he wasn't looking forward to letting go of her hand. For the first time in months he felt like he was actually needed enough to where he wouldn't be tossed aside. Even though he knew that those who needed him for emotional support genuinely needed him and wanted him around-which was just about exactly what he claimed he was there for anyway- he still couldn't help like he was only their friend for that reason and that reason alone. Then again, he was guilty of doing nearly the exact same thing...

Forcing his mind off the circling tracks of those confusing thoughts, Zash tried to focus off of his shame and frustration long enough to find them a way down to the water, that was if she wanted to go that far. Judging by the quick glance that caught her expression, she seemed intimidated. He couldn't blame her. If she had never been outside of the forest, then the largest body of water she had encountered was the pond. This easily dwarfed the pond several thousand times over. "Would you like to get closer?" He questioned softly, trying to not spook her since he had been quiet for a couple of minutes or so.

There you go...

Zash couldn't help but smile as he started to follow her. She reminded him so much of Abby in that moment...
He was there if she fell, but he had no intention of taking her big moment away from her. He did have a brief moment of missing holding her hand, but that was beaten and buried down into the recesses of his thoughts. More than once he had to stop himself from reaching out to steady her, wanting to help her stop herself from falling, but he just barely managed to back off. She was okay. She didn't need him to hover around her clucking like a mother hen. She was completely fine.

The sky was a brilliant blue. The sand and surf reflected the sun, almost enough to hurt if he turned his head in the wrong spot. He was so caught up in watching the waves and the birds playing in the surf that he almost ran into Alani when she paused to watch the water toss its fingers up onto the beach. He stepped around her smoothly enough, pausing to crouch down and rest his fingers on the cool water. The occasional seagull squawking was the only thing that interrupted the sound of the waves.
"You can touch it. It's not going to hurt you at this height." he murmured, straightening up to glance at her. "It's...beautiful isn't it?"

Zash had himself perched on a piece of driftwood while Alani went to play in the surf. He was only aware of enough going on around them to make sure she didn't accidentally drown herself, but other than that he was staring off into space, letting the sounds of the gulls and the ocean lull him into a relaxing fog. It was a relief to not be thinking of something. His worries melted away, the tension leaving his body as he allowed his mind to turn off. For once in his life he felt safe enough to do that.

It took him several moments before his mind registered that Alani was speaking, and even longer for his mind to catch up with most of what she said.

...don't think I can stay here for long...

He blinked, turning his head to look at her. "Do you want to go back?"

"Yeah...that makes sense," he stared out over the water, feeling as if he walked away he wasn't going to see this place again. The portal would just disappear.Sometimes you need to be reminded of how truly lucky you are. " he muttered as he stared off out over the water. He didn't want to go back. At least, not yet...he exhaled a breath he had been holding in, slowly getting to his feet and striking off to something in the sand a few feet away. He had made note of it earlier. It was a sand dollar, a whole one. He didn't know it by name, only that it was a familar shell found on the beach sometimes. Making his way toward her, he gently tapped and rolled as much of sand as he could out of the shell before holding it out to her, "It's a shell of a creature that lives out there," he tilted his head toward the ocean, "Something to remember this place by."

"It feels like we won't be able to," the young man admitted quietly. He lapsed into silence, watching the breakers crash up onto the beach and the occasional gull that darted across their path. The sun was still high, only just starting its descent. It was only a matter of time before it would lower enough to become a blinding fireball. Zash moved to stand at Alani's right side, slowly reaching out to timidly pull her into a sideways hug. He only held it for several heartbeats, half afraid he was stepping across some invisible boundary. That was why he returned his hand to his pocket, preparing himself for some verbal reprimand that might follow.

Zash smiled at the sudden hug, more or less grateful that she even bothered to return it. The smile flickered as he caught her wiping her eyes. He was about to question her on that, wondering if he had gone too far... or if those were simply happy tears. Yet, then she spoke up, so he merely dismissed it to answer her.

"Thank you for coming to see it with me. I'm glad that you got to see such a pretty place." he lapsed into silence for a few moments, before holding out his hand for her to take if she wished. "There are other places too, if you ever want to see them. They're a constant type of portal, they don't go away...and you could even stay a deer for some of them." he added. Sometimes it was nice to have company when he wandered those places...and she seemed to enjoy getting away. "Only if you want to though."