I woke up for the abio, a bit late. I found that the deer had all gathered at the ruins -- much to my dismay. I am utterly terrified of the ruins. You see, there are two types of spirits. There are good spirits, and there are evil spirits. I just know that the ruins are infested with evil spirits, and I'm terrified to go near the place. Besides, the smell of death is pungent in that place. Just smelling that stagnant odor makes my heart race, and my knees go weak. But I joined them anyway, trying to keep from trembling too much. Much to my relief, it was soon time to move on.



I've got to tell you, the twin Gods are much creepier than I ever imagined. Their chilling howls alone are enough to make any deer squirm with fear. Let alone the things they do; causing squirrels and frogs to erupt out of nowhere, dropping cages on us, making those blasted, freaky statues pop up all over the place... But they also perform such beautiful miracles -- flowers bursting out of nowhere, fish swimming through the air, rainbows arching over the pond, and flowing from the idol...



And just being in the midst of so many deer was an awe-inspiring thing, in and of itself. In such a massive crowd, I didn't feel nervous or anti-social, like I suspected I might. No, seeing so many deer move in tandem to each other... it was... amazing. I was too busy being terrified and amazed, to worry about what they might think of me.

Anyway, I followed the twin Gods through the rest of the performance. After it was over, I even got close enough to nuzzle one of them, when they were shape-shifted as giant deer. He thanked me by turning me into a squirrel. After that, about thirty other deer were turned into squirrels, as well. It was funny, seeing so many squirrels jumping around and scurrying between the larger deer's hooves.

After I returned to my normal fawn self, I danced for a bit, and then had fun blowing bubbles.



After the abio, I slept for a full 24 hours. I was exhausted! I've never felt such terror; nor have I ever felt such utter amazement. It was a fantastic and terrible experience which left me shaken to the core, and begging for more, all at the same time.

When I woke up the next day, I felt unusually energetic. I ran around full speed, leaping over unsuspecting deer and causing general chaos. I found Vala and a bunch of other deer, near the pond. I was a little shy to join them, but I eventually did -- even if only for a few minutes, before my bashfulness (and inability to sit still for more than a few seconds) began to get the best of me. I ran off through the forest, leaping and galloping with joy.

Suddenly, who should come galloping up, but my dearest phantom? I was so glad to see him, I could help but continue acting like a fool, leaping around and rearing in joy.



Lately, the phantom has been acting rather curiously. I'm not quite sure that I understand what he's trying to do, but it seems like he's encouraging me to socialize with other deer. A few days ago, he did this, and I was glad to have the company. I went and made a few new fawn friends, while he watched from a distance. I had fun, until one of the fawns started trying to pick a fight with me. The phantom, seeing this, galloped in to put himself between the other fawn and myself. The fawn backed off, and I made a point of sticking close to the phantom's side, after that.

Today, I didn't feel much like socializing. Not after that initial haze wore off, I mean. As I traveled through the forest with the Phantom, I began to sink back into my old ways. The craze of the abiogenesis began to wear off, and I began to feel more like my old self. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but when my anti-social ways came back, they did so with a vengeance. All of those bright lights during the abio didn't help my eyesight, either. My eyesight has been taking a serious turn for the worse, lately -- and I think the abio was the last straw. I can hardly see a thing, anymore. Not only is everything a big, blurry mess -- but everything is also quite dark. It's like I'm running around with a veil over my head; it's awful. And it makes me terribly nervous around other deer -- I can never tell what they're feeling, when I can't see their faces clearly.

Today, I could tell that there were lots of deer following us around. Maybe my deteriorating eyesight is making me a little paranoid, but I felt like there were a thousand eyes on us, watching us, curious about our antics. I tried to stick close to the phantom, but he kept pulling the old laggy-teleportation business, and I could hardly keep up. Nevertheless, I was still in a pretty good mood. I still found it rather difficult to sit still, and as long as the phantom and I were alone, I was glad to bounce around like a maniac. He would lay and watch me run around, probably wondering what had gotten into me.

I wonder if he was at the abiogenesis? I mean, I know he doesn't like to be around other deer -- but even I put aside my nervousness, for the sake of the twin Gods. I am a very spiritual little doe, after all. If not for the forest spirits, I'd be dead. Since I believe in them, there's no reason for me not to believe in the twin Gods.

I wonder if the phantom believes in them.

Anyway, at one point, Vala found us in the birch forest. I would have been glad to say hello, but she was with two other deer I didn't know, and I was feeling especially nervous. The phantom tried to get me to say hello, but I told him I was scared. He nodded, understanding; and we left. Unfortunately, I lost track of him not long after. Though I ran as hard as I could, I simply couldn't catch up with him. By the time I found him again, he had already begun to fall into that comatose-like sleep. He vanished into a thick cloud of purple smoke, just as I came near him.

Vala and the unknown deer were nearby, and I went over to them. I introduced myself to the unknown stranger-deer, but he tried to get a little too close, and I backed away, hiding next to Vala. I save nuzzles for deer I know and like well; I feel strange getting them from complete strangers. I hope I didn't make a bad impression, but you can see how a nuzzle from a stranger might make me nervous. Right?

Vala, ever the energetic deer, soon ran off, likely expecting us to follow suit. The stranger deer did start after her, but I hung back, watching the two deer trot off. When the stranger deer noticed that I wasn't following, he turned and trotted back a little way. After a little coaxing, he finally convinced me to follow him. We traveled to the old oak, where we met up with Vala, and the three of us had a bit of fun there. I decided that this new fellow wasn't so bad, after all.



Of course, just as we had all settled down for a little snooze, LT's computer decided that she was done with the Endless Forest, and took the liberty of closing it down for her. Thankfully, she loaded it back up again, and I went running back to the old oak, as fast as I could. Vala and the stranger were surprised to see me -- probably because I now had two copies of myself. It really is quite strange, seeing yourself from a 3rd-point perspective...

After a while, another deer approached, and I began to feel as if I was suffocating, being surrounded by so many new deer at once. So I said my goodbyes, and ran off.

I found a little hill by the ruins, and laid down. I hadn't been there long, before I sensed the arrival of a stag. His scent was familiar, but I couldn't be sure who it was. As he got closer, I realized that it was a stag I'd bumped into several times before -- a handsome deer named Raunun. I don't know if it was Raunun's similarity to the phantom, or maybe just the fact that he was so friendly -- but I suddenly began to feel a lot less bashful. I even gave him a little nuzzle, after the initial greeting. Raunun and I had a ton of fun romping around, playing in the trees and being generally very silly.



I got to practice my air-sitting and air-dancing. We hung upside down in the air -- something I've never done before -- and did all sorts of funny tricks... in mid-air! At one point, I even stood on top of Raunun's head! I'm sure he was entertained by how easily amused I can be.



We played for a long time, but it wasn't long before he had to leave. We said our sad goodbyes, and I curled up next to him as he went to sleep and vanished. I hope I bump into him again, soon.

You know, when I first arrived at the endless forest, one of my most treasured dreams was to find a family. I haven't found a real family -- with a mom, a dad, brothers, sisters. I probably never will. But I feel that the phantom, along with all of the friends I have made thus far, are just as good as -- or better than -- any other kind of family I could possibly have. Even though I still worry about losing them from time to time, the comfort of having them around is enough to keep me from being too anxious, for now.

For once, I'm really starting to feel like I belong somewhere in the world.



love,
Lemon