26 May, 2017

The years have passed so quickly. Where has the time gone? I emerge from my slumber, and already I can tell that everything has changed. But that's not a bad thing. I've seen so much change in my life, I don't hide from it. There are new lives, new stories, new feelings.

I sat alone in the playground for a long while, today. It was nice to be awake, alive, anything other than drifting in the endless void of non-existence. I think I'll stick around a while, though for how long I can't be sure.

But I want to be here. I need to be here, again.

Come dance with me.



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27 May, 2017

Vala, my sweet, enduring Vala. I caught her scent upon waking and my heart nearly skipped three beats. With a shock I climbed up onto my legs and shook myself off, stretching my limbs and yawning sleepily. She was there, nuzzling against me as if no time had been lost between us. For a moment I was returned to better days, when everything had been familiar. Throughout the years, Vala has always been one constant in my life. She has always been there to cheer me up on the darkest of days, and to celebrate with me the days I still treasure.

She seemed tired, today. We took it easy, after a bit of nuzzling and giggling like fawns I followed her to a spot where she lay with Uitleger and someone I didn't recognize.



I lay there for a while, but I was feeling restless, and after she fell asleep I got up to wander this old forest that had so long ago come to be my home. I encountered a kind stranger who helped me look for my feathers, which had vanished somewhere during my long sleep. But it wasn't long before he, too, had said goodbye and was drifting off to sleep.

So off I went again, to lay in my poppies for a while. That was when I met her.

She smelled like flowers. I don't mean a little. She was drowning in the scent of blossoms, filling my breath with every kind of petal I could imagine. When I got close enough to touch her I realized why. She was wearing a big wreath of flowers around her neck -- or something of that sort. Our introductions were awkward at first. She didn't seem talkative -- in fact, she didn't say a single word. But I didn't mind. I've always been a bit quiet, myself.

After deciding I posed no threat, she seemed to lose interest and wandered off. I might have gone my own separate way then if I hadn't heard the strangest shuffling noise coming from her direction. I listened carefully, trying to figure out what she was doing. It sounded... almost as if she was tending lovingly to the trees. I approached her cautiously and listened as she went around to each tree in the area and tended to it carefully. "What are you doing?" I asked, but I received no reply.

In desperation I attempted to mimic her movements a little, but given that I had no idea what she was actually doing, I just sort of pushed my nose against the saplings and left it at that. This seemed to endear her to me, however, and I followed her as she went around the forest touching, nudging, and digging at the various trees and plants. I was enraptured. I'd never met someone like her before, and her actions both confused and delighted me. I only wished she'd spoken... I don't even know her name.





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31 May, 2017

I spent most of the morning alone. The forest is so quiet, these days... So when I heard the sound of hooves against earth, I instinctively followed. I kept my distance, testing the waters -- but he didn't seem to notice me. I had originally intended to introduce myself, but after a few minutes when I still hadn't gathered the courage, I decided I might as well just follow him around and see what he was up to.

I followed him as he traipsed across the forest, occasionally rubbing on trees. For a while he prayed at the Gods statue, but that was about it. When he went for a drink at the pond I decided it was time for me to say hello. I tentatively approached, coming up alongside him and drinking from the pond. But before I could get a word out, I found that he'd put his antlers in my face. With my heart in my throat I nodded and trotted off, and once again I was alone.

I remember now. It's lonely, here. Even with so many others around, it's lonely.

Still, his annoyance has only fueled my curiosity. Perhaps I'll meet him again, in a better mood.



----

Addendum: Thank you, kind stranger. You turned my day around.







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2 June, 2017

My day had been going well, despite a few hiccups. I'd found a couple of deer watching over a pair of fawns, and tried to push myself to be a little social. It went well at first, though one of the fawns was acting very shy. I tried to dance around and show the fawn I was no threat while keeping my distance, but something about me scared the little one, I guess.

Eventually one of the adults got tired of the whole thing and shooed me away. The second adult -- Pagan, her name was -- apologized and seemed sad that I was leaving, which took the sting out of it a little. I do love fawns...

So I went and laid down by myself for a while, in a good mood despite the rather unfortunate interaction I'd just had. I was nearly dozing off to sleep when I sensed someone familiar nearby.

Kaoori.

No....

Could it really be her?

I sprang to my feet and bolted, racing toward her -- too excited even to make a sound as I came barreling up to the poor doe. "Kaoori!" It was really her! My beloved sister, my sweetest friend. We bounced around like little fawns, laughing and giggling. Oh I'd missed her!



After a while she led me to her favorite hill, where we sat together catching up on all the lost years. It wasn't long before we were approached by another. I got up and sniffed him curiously. He was familiar, I'd met him before... But I didn't know his name.



Nevertheless, I was in a good mood and I was happy to see him again, so the three of us danced and played and goofed around for a long while. It was probably the happiest day I've had in a while...

As the day came to an end, Kaoori moved carefully toward her daughter's grave, and I followed respectfully. I said hello to the dear little one, and we sat quietly together there until I fell asleep and faded away.

ooc // ready for the dang map to work again so I know who people are asdfgk



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7 June, 2017

Him.

It was him.

With my heart in my throat I ran, flying over the earth, hearing only the soft thud of my small hooves against the damp earth. I was smiling, grinning like a fool -- but already I was doubting myself. It'd been a long time, maybe I was confusing his scent for someone else... No. I knew it was him when I found him sitting between his favorite trees, silent and brooding as ever.

Malikorin.

"Malik!" I called, sliding to a stop in front of him, as dust formed a cloud around my dappled grey body. I was giggling, nuzzling against him. I knew he hated it, but damn it I didn't care. It took a moment for things to register in both of our minds, I think. And then he stood and embraced me as if it'd only been yesterday that I'd seen him last.

I was elated beyond words. Laughing like a child, I hopped and skipped and ran circles around him, stopping only to nuzzle adoringly against him before darting off again. Of course, he'd never really been one to frolic, but I caught him chasing after me a few times.

Panting and out of breath, but still smiling, I finally went and plopped myself down near his trees and invited him to rest with me, so we could catch up on all the years that had passed. So much I'd missed... so, so much...



After talking a little, we sat quietly until I fell asleep. When I awoke, Malik had gone, and in his place I found Nishi. Nishi has taken up a huge space in my heart, recently. I can't help but feel protective over the quiet little fawn. There's something the matter with him, but I'm not sure what it is... I've never seen it before, in all my years. The poor dear is always twitching and making odd little grunts, but he doesn't seem to pay it much mind.







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8 June, 2017

I found a sickly little fawn today -- all battered, bloodied, and bruised. I approached him cautiously at first, but I was worried about him and it wasn't long before I found myself nestling up beside him. He was silent, it was difficult to tell what his mood was, so I said nothing and offered only my warmth to his underweight little body.

I was just settling into one of my protective moods when I heard Nishi calling in the distance. I was concerned, but I didn't want to leave this poor sickly little one on his own, either. After a moment of deliberation I got up and decided I'd try to herd Nishi back toward the mute fawn so I could keep an eye on them both.

But when I found Nishi, he was in a strange mood. He seemed unable to sit still for long, and I soon found myself challenged by his constant bouts of running through the forest at full tilt. I got lost a few times, but he seemed happy to wait for me to catch up before darting off again. We visited just about every part of the forest together before coming to a patch of Lavender, which I nibbled on. He gave it a try as well, which made me smile. I think the Lavender got to him a bit, as just after that he curled up and fell asleep.

I went back to try and find the little fawn from before, but he must have fallen asleep and vanished. I sat alone for a few hours, until I noticed Tog (as I've come to know her) tending to the trees and poking around the poppies. I laid there for a little while, feeling lazy, quietly observing, until she wandered over to the ruins. I got up and followed her there, which she seemed pleased with. We giggled and danced and had a lovely little time before settling down to sit quietly together and enjoy the peacefulness of the forest.



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9 June, 2017

Spent the day with Malikorin and Nishi, today. I really am growing fond of little Nishi. I worry for his health, but his little tics are somehow endearing at the same time. I was surprised when Malikorin joined us -- surprised, but pleased...

I was in a delightful mood and tried to engage the two in nuzzle tag. They played along for a bit, but I think both Nishi and Malik weren't too fond of the idea. So in the end we sat together in the quiet, soaking in the sunshine -- I with Nishi, and Malikorin watching over us from a little ways away.

It was a good day.

It... it was a great day.



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10 June, 2017

Today was a day full of new faces. I think the most notable of them was Jude, who had two. That was a little strange. In all my years, I'd never met a two-headed deer. Still, he seemed happy and healthy, and when it all comes down to it there are odder creatures in the forest.

Jude was found in a scattering of other fawns and a few adults. Looking back, I think the group was a lot smaller than it felt at the time, as I was feeling quite shy. I don't remember everyone's names, unfortunately, but I had a wonderful time regardless. Crescent was there -- I've been growing quite fond of the large stag, we've had a few interesting conversations.



I met a fawn named L'ubomír, who I absolutely adored. The precious little thing was quite playful and cute! He broke away from the herd and went to hide in the waterfall for a bit, where Crescent found us. I sat with Crescent for a while until he went to sleep. By then it was just Pho, Jude, and I. We sat together for a long while until it was my turn to slip away into sleep.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty tired trying to keep up with all of these new names and personalities. But already, I love them all.





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15 June, 2017

I haven't written in a few days... things have been... strange. I've been spending a lot of time with Jude, L'ubomir, Phobos, and Steini. It's a nice little group, I feel comfortable with them. Jude is really the life of the party, he's such a little cutie.

I've been spending time with Nishi, too. I've grown especially fond of him... I try to keep him safe when he's alone and cheer him up when he's down. I'm not sure I always do such a good job, but I try. I think he isn't a fan of my constant touching, but it's hard not to touch when you can't see, haha.

Then there's... Crescent.

I haven't mentioned him much in my journal, but we've been spending... a lot of time together. We had a moment today. I... can't describe it, but... I felt like I was home.

I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking things. We still barely know each other. He's a good friend. I feel safe when I'm with him.

That's all.





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18 June, 2017

I couldn't believe it. I... still... can't.

He was there... in the flesh... alive and breathing, warm, real.

Walter.

After all the wrongs he'd done me, after all the years gone... All I could feel was excitement and joy. I ran to him, dying to be with him again after so much time... But when I got to him I was struck by nerves. What if he didn't remember me? What if he did, but he was in one of those old moods? I waited, hoping to discover the sort of mood he was in. He was walking slowly through the forest, seemingly deep in thought. After a while I went to him, smiling. I head-butted his rump and circled around in front. "Surprise!" A moment of silence. My smile faded. Ah, I had misjudged things?

Things were awkward for a while. I said hello a little more formally, he said hello... and then he left. I was stunned. Was that all? After all this time, that was it?

No, I wouldn't let that be all. I followed him. We talked. He told me he wasn't someone I should be seen with. I apologized for leaving him before. Slowly, things began to get better. We talked for a long, long time. That was about when Crescent showed up.

Immediately, my stomach sank. I knew the two would never get along, though a part of me hoped they might. Crescent began getting antsy seeing the way Walter was around me... Walter wouldn't stop touching... I didn't know what to do, so I just froze. I like Crescent a lot, but we're in a hazy situation where we aren't doing much more than flirting. I couldn't abandon Walter again after I had just apologized for doing just that.

A small fight broke out between the two, with Crescent obviously not using the full force of his strength, and Walter grumbling about the pettiness of the ordeal while simultaneously refusing to step down. Eventually Walter got tired of the whole thing and began trying to flirt Crescent up a bit. Crescent was unamused, and asked that I choose between them. I told him I couldn't, and he seemed to accept this. As quickly as it had started, it was over. Crescent, Walter, and I sat down together in Crescent's favorite sunspot, amiable as ever. I still don't know where things stand with the three of us, I'm just glad the fighting stopped.

After a while, Walter got up and lead me away, and we went on a little walk together. I got distracted about halfway through, seeing L'ubomir, and I excitedly dashed over to greet the little fawn. Walter had always been good with fawns, so I wasn't worried. Sniffs were exchanged, and Walter bent to try and engage the little one in a playfight -- but he got too rough, and pushed the young one down. L'ubomir panicked, which I did not notice because I was too busy running up to Jude to greet him. When I turned back around, Rhea had come to L'ubomir's defense, and Walter had retaliated. Another fight.

I put myself between canine and deer several times, to my own injury, until eventually the two calmed down. Walter ran off with Reed, and I had a short chat with Rhea. It turns out Walter had done some... unsavory things to her in the past. I promised her that I would keep Walter away from her and her young ones, and we left.

I talked to Walter. I told him he had to try. He promised me he would. I believe him. I know there's good in him. It was a rough first day, but things will get better. I believe it...

After he went to sleep, Jude found me, and told me about what had happened to L'ubomir. I was upset, and I went to find him immediately. We talked a little, interrupted briefly by a spat between Phobos and Nihk. We ended up curled up together with Crescent standing guard, talking about what had happened.



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