Day 4[?]
You're dreaming again. Wake up.
Suddenly awake in the pitch black of the night.
Nightmares.
But awake.
--
Early morning is the best time. Everything is cool, crisp, alive. Everything feels right.
That's when I'm awake: before dawn, when everything's still black but you know it will be light soon. It's almost hopeful, really: something's coming, something new and awake and alive.
It's the best time to be awake, so you can be a part of that.
However, morning is pretty cool too. Maybe it's cool because the dew is still there, because the dew wants to be cool too. Maybe it's cool so we can see our breath in the morning and laugh at it, admire the clouds it makes.
But I'm still cold.
So I seek out other deer.
--
I see Sithrim, somebody else. The doe he's with is really nice. She's only as big as me, and pure white! I don't stay with them long, though. I think maybe they want to be alone.
After sitting with a lonely deer with a pretty, shiny blue pelt, I find a really big group. I was following somebody I was casting spells on, and they led me here.
Spyrre, Ourania, Illrose. Italy comes and joins us later too.
I don't know exactly how I know their names. Maybe their pictograms kinda sound like that in my head or something. I can't really explain it.
Spyrre, Illrose, and I jump around, but I get tired. We sit for awhile, just a cuddly little group. I'm not so cold when I'm sitting by them, or when I'm playing with them. Illrose gets up once, to go get Sithrim. He's nice too, and I think Illrose likes him.
They all leave in the end, though, except Italy and Ourania. I say goodbye and go to find other deer.
--
I don't remember who I find. I don't even really remember what happened. Is that bad? I feel like I should remember, but I don't.
Does that make me different?
Maybe it's just because it was pretty uneventful...
I do remember seeing the White Stag again, though. I haven't seen him in awhile.
--
Emptiness. I still don't understand. Sometimes, all the deer in the forest just disappear, and I can't sense anybody. Sometimes they take forever to come back. I wonder if they'll ever come back at all. I fall asleep a few times to see if maybe they'll come back.
Eventually, they do.
--
But so do I. There's three of me. One turns her head away whenever I come near her. I don't understand, because I didn't do anything wrong. She's wearing a real deer mask and those little stubs that some does wear.
I can't get her to look at me, no matter what I say.
I wonder why she won't look at me. Maybe I did something wrong?
I notice that when I walk away, she stares at my back as I go, as if I hadn't said something I needed to.
--
I find Illrose again. She's sitting with another deer, but he's kinda strange. I feel like he doesn't like me, but Illrose does. I come and sit with her, ignoring the peacock-me. She welcomes me, and we jump and play for a long time.
It's warmer now, maybe late morning?
I feel good around Illrose. I feel happy.
Maybe it's her big, red antlers. I can't help thinking how great of an umbrella they would be.
I meet a fawn when I'm with her too. The fawn is really sweet, and even sits with us. I couldn't figure out her name, but I hope I see her again.
Illrose protects me while I sleep. I really do think she likes me.
--
I'll be an adult soon. I hope deer don't treat me differently. Either way, I know I can be a fawn again if I want to.
This forest is kind to me.