Cato's List of Things That Royally Pissed Her Off:
+I'm tired. All the time. I stay up late taking care of stuff and doing art/schoolwork. And when I do sleep I have trouble staying asleep and get woken up by the smallest thing.
* I'm stressed. I have A LOT on my plate right now. More than I let on, and it's wearing me thin. I'm constantly going down a self-destructive spiral of self-loathing and insanity.
+ I'm tired of being alone. I have no real-life friends, the one that I do have lives across the state, I haven't seen her since Christmas. My only way of contact is through sites like deviantart and facebook, that's how isolated this place is. Not to mention I live in a house by myself, and as much as they annoy me, sometimes I miss my parents when they're gone for weeks on end.
* I have to take on everything here, I'm taking care of the house by myself, and it's not going so great. The plants died on me, I'm not too upset about it but my mom will be.
+ The toilet handle keeps breaking on me
* The shower leaks/floods all the time
+ The hot water doesn't work
* First the front door refused to latch properly so if i wasn't locked it would just swing open of it's own accord. But now, since it is one of those automated locks that only opens when you punch in a code it runs on batteries...it died. Again. we just replaced those. And I have no idea how to change them,
+ FUCK. I didn't cut the grass yet.
* Or do the laundry.
+ Or vacuum.
* I did get the dishes done though.
+ My car died on me. The radio broke first, now the whole thing won't start. Checked the battery cable to see if it came loose again (reoccuring problem, it's a pain in the ass, nothing. Jiggled the gear shift before starting it, nada. Not three days prior we had given the battery a hot shot so that wasn't it. So now I don't have a car. The little pro there is that I get to drive the Mini Cooper now, but I miss my Jeep sometimes.
* SCHOOLWORK. Math is better, History isn't. I failed the last test and only 2 exams are left. I decided to just read the book, I never learn anything from his lectures. I have two critiques to write now, One for Art History and one for sculpture. The Art History one is easy enough, go over to the student gallery, snap a picture of something with my cellphone and critique it. The sculpture one however, we HAVE to go to a gallery and we HAVE to do it on a sculpture. Lady, do you know just where you live, exactly? THERE ARE NO GALLERIES HERE. THIS IS NOT AN ART TOWN. And any that we do have are small, and only sell little prissy pictures of flowers. And hell no I'm not driving all the way out to Frostburg or some shit like that, I don't know the area, my car is dead, I can only take the Mini out to go to class or the store, UGH I want to go in on Monday and punch her in the face >:C And half the class is having the same problem. Although, she practically handed an A on this to a small portion of the class who went on a field trip last Monday to an art gallery, which isn't fair to the rest of us who couldn't go because we had other classes that we couldn't miss out on.
+ I feel worthless. I feel ignored and unnoticed some days, and my self-confidence is wavering again. I put on a nice bravado most of the time, but I'm really shaky when it comes to putting faith in my abilities. Most of the time, I feel unsupported in what I do, I have to hide a lot of things from people, either because it's unfinished and I'm unsure about it, or it's a touchy subject that my family would freak out at so I can't show them. And what I do show I get paranoid about and I feel...overlooked. That's my biggest issue. I hate feeling that DX
* Someone made a post about characters that pissed me off. They're a total pile of BS, but it hit a nerve for some reason. Maybe because it called me out for being unoriginal and entering a demon into a tournament, but I called bull because saying that a demon character is overdone is like saying that humans or ninjas or whathaveyou are over done. I see them all done in equal measure and anyone can do a unique idea with a subject that's frequently used if they know what they're doing. So take your biased bullshit somewhere else.
+ High-altitudes or spring/summer storms are bringing back my headaches. Usually storms do it, but it's crippling me further. I spent a good chunk of Tuesday curled up in the dark in my bed, I watched an afternoon of Law and Order. I now know how to poison a room full of people with anti-freeze without them ever knowing.
* I must be some level of neurotic by now. I can't keep my head on straight. When I'm out at class or at the store I have a constant paranoid feeling that I forgot to do something or bring something with me (I never do, always false-alarms). the other day I drove half-way to class and had to turn around and drive back because I was sure I left the door unlocked...I didn't. I was late for class that day. I can't remember shit anymore. Not 5 seconds after saying something I forget it, I'll go to do something and can't remember what I was doing while in the act of doing it. I tried to put mail in the bathroom sink the other day (second time I did it too). And this happens very frequently, this isn't one of those rare little hiccups that is normal for people. I freak out at the littlest sounds, it might just be because I'm in charge of keeping the house safe and I've gone into some kind of high-alert, overprotective state, but it's wearing me out. It doesn't help that there's a god damn bird that comes and attacks my window EVERY FUCKING MORNING. FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS.
+ Here's the zinger. What drove me over the fucking edge. My goddamn computer broke again. Yep. I was reminded today why I never turn the damn thing off anymore, sometimes it just won't turn back on again no matter what I do. I've done everything too, I let it cool down, I unplugged it, I cleaned it out, I put it in safe mode. Nothing. It's gone. Again. Didn't even last a year this time. I have no idea what I'm going to do for the tournament. Luckily I keep my scripts/storyboards/notes all in a notebook, but my templates were on there, the special brushes I used, my fonts, and I just found it easier for me to produce comics on the computer. But now it's dead. Can't get it. And I'm reluctant to do it traditionally. Even if I did, the office computer (what I'm on now) doesn't have photoshop and lacks the ability to run it properly. So I'm basically screwed. And this is pissing me off so bad. I've worked so goddamn hard to make it to the semi-finals, I don't want to give up now. Part of me says I might be better off, I'm not a favorite to win (at least that's the paranoid feeling I always get, about anything really) and I feel like I'll get my ass handed to me this round anyhow. My opponents have blown away their competion up to this point. Although...I guess on the flipside...I did too...? Meh...fuck it. I didn't want to go down without out a fight. Life seems determined to make sure I don't though.
* I KNEW THAT IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. It does this EVERY spring. I have no idea why. April is the worst month for my computer. I knew it would fucking conk out a few weeks before the deadline, and I would be royally fucked. I tried to save everything to a disk (didn't feel like working, fancy that. It actually said that there wasn't any room left which I knew to be BS because I wiped it clean and only put the tournament folder on there)...I could have e-mailed it to myself. Fuck I'm retarded.