ENJOY!

Once upon a time, there was a queen. She sat in her room upon an ebony chair, far into her pregnancy; she was having a baby girl. In her room she sat flailing her arms over a spindle (which is never a good idea) when suddenly she pricked her finger.

She watched as the single drop of blood left her fingertip and descended to the snow covered ground from the top of her tower. She would have a daughter, with hair as dark as ebony, skin white as snow, and lips red as her crimson blood. "Her name shall be Snow White."

Many years passed since that day and the queen had died after giving birth to her first daughter. The king re-married a horrid biotch of a woman. Nobody knew her name, not even the king. She was simply known to all as "The Queen."

Every day the Queen would look deep into the mirror in her changing room and inquire

The mirror's response would always remain the same:

And so it remained until 7 years had come and gone. Snow White was now a well-developed young-adult, pretty enough to rival the Queen's beauty. The Queen looked into her mirror and inquired as usual.

The mirror's response:

The Queen was awestricken.

She had to eleminate the competition or she would live a life of shame and despair. The death of Snow White was essential.

The Queen hired an asassin to kill Snow White and rip out her heart as a trophy.

Snow White, hunched over picking flowers at the edge of the woods was arranging a lovely bouquet, peaceful and content.... Until she felt the presence of a man behind her.

He held the knife high above his head, ready to kill. She whipped up her best puppy dog face.

The hunter's heart melted, how could he kill a defenseless female with a puppy dog face? Instead, he lowered his weapon and broke down. "What's wrong?" Asked Snow White. The Hunter told her about the Queen's spite towards her and how he was hired to rid of her and bring the Queen her heart. "You have to run," he said, "run deep into the forest, only then will you be safe from the Queen. Now go! Make haste!" Snow White lifted herself and ran into the forest frantically.

How was the hunter to explain this to the Queen? He decided instead to deceive her and cut the heart of a pig instead, and act as if it were that of Snow White. "Have you killed her?" She asked. The hunter presented the heart to the Queen upon which she ravenously ate whole.

All around her, Snow White was surrounded by the mysterious and ominous forest

Where was she going to hide from the Queen? As soon as the thought came into her head she had come upon a small cottage. She barged in rudely and made herself at home. The house was disheveled and drab, and everything was miniature too, but she disregarded that piece as she was so tired to even think at this point, she simply ate some bread and drank some wine then sprawled herself upon one of the seven beds in the upstairs and fell asleep.

She was awakened in the morn by a bunch of bearded mens faces glaring at her from across the room, seven of them to be precise. "JLADNANJKNDSJKNDA!!" she screamed and threw her shoes at them, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"This is our house, get the hell out!" they argued

Snow White picked herself out of the bed and stood up to see that they weren't just any men's faces, THEY WERE DWARVES' FACES.

They decided if she wanted shelter than she might as well make herself useful around the houses

Meanwhile Snow White was getting herself familiar to the world of housework;

The Queen looked deep into her mirror and asked

To which the mirror replied

The Queen was sick of this,

this time would be different, this time Snow White would DIIIIIIIIIEE. She had to go all the way this time. She went down to her secret chamber and concacted a venemous apple to which she would feed to Snow White. And then disguised herself as an old seamstress and set out of the castle and into the woods...

Unsuspecting Snow White was cleaning the dishes when she heard a knock upon the shutters of the window. She was told by the dwarfs never to open the house to strangers, but they were out digging in the mines so the rule must not apply.

Snow White was a bit frightened by the old woman

But was eager for something to eat.

Snow White modestly took a small bite into the glorious red apple. She felt it cling in her throat, not allowing itself to go down. Before she knew it, air passage was being restricted to her lungs (aka) SHE WAS FUGGIN DYING.

And the Queen liked it.

The dwarves had returned too late,

the Queen had already made a quick getaway and left only behind Snow White's unmoving body...

It was a tragic day for the dwarves, in honor of Snow White whom they had become so close to in so little time, they built a coffin composed of glass in which her body was put on display upon a gold table.

Ah, but the story doesn't end here.

The prince was taking a ride through the forest when he came upon the glass coffin in which Snow White's body lay. He dismounted his horse and took a closer look into the coffin to see...

He asked the dwarves who owned her if he could make her his, and take her body to his palace so that it may be on display there. They thought the offer was a bit strange but agreed to this, it was an honor to be regarded at all by such royalty.

On the ride to his palace the coffin hit a bump and suddenly, the piece of apple flew out of Snow White's throat! *ehem* in case you're a highly logical person, let me clarify.

Anyways, the Prince was overjoyed that Snow White was still alive and they were instantly wed the next day. Yeah, shit like that happened back then. The Queen was in her tower admiring herself in the mirror when she decided to consult the mirror, simply to be reminded of her beauty.

The mirror's response:

She was absolutely infuriated.

She put on her evil cape and set off. She was gonna crash this wedding.

When she arrived Snow White instantly recognized her and demanded that as a punishment for being such a super-biotch she was to wear hot iron shoes, and dance in them until she died. Yeah, shit like that also happened back then.

And they all lived happily ever after (except for the Queen)

Anyways, the moral of this story is absolutely nothing I hope you enjoyed this tale, and if you didn't then I make sad face at you.

Yeah, making this was a lot more effort than I thought, I'm pretty satisfied. Although I don't usually find my material funny, I laughed a couple times while making this, it was the drawing part that was a most fun! I'll be sure to make "Bocks reads" blogs every week whenever I'm significantly bored and without a life!

Thanks for reading~