August 28, 2009 - 11:30pm — Zergarikiaka
From the start, I suppose I have set myself up for a difficult life. How many years have gone by, in which my understanding was that I had to fight to stay alive? Now in my old age, I am stuck in violent ways... and I am not as free to change as a fawn would be. Alas, as much as I'd like to take a step back and live peacefully, such will be impossible. I fear my own nature will soon lead to death.
I recently conversed with Virgil on this topic. Even though a change is desired, it is difficult to even consider. Though it's difficult, I have resolved to restrain myself. I had been challenged to fight Silent... Virgil had attempted to convince me to turn the challenge down; but I am a... stubborn old mule. He did get to me though. If anything, I promised to not throw the first blow, and to take it easy.
It is unlike me to even consider 'taking it easy'... but still baring open wounds from my last fight with Wesker, it became an option. I would still fight... just not as viciously. Besides that, I have been growing weary of the sight of blood... the red flush that obscures my mind under stress... the madness that pulls me strait to hell's gates themselves. It's become redundant, and wears down the soul.
So the day had come, to fight Silent.
Still sore and barely scabbed from my last battle... still mentally worn down...
He woke in the shallows of the lake, and called out. From across the lake, I called back.
"I told you I would not be hiding!" I declared. Wounded, even so... I could not back down. He remained near the shallows. I made my way to where he stood.
I bowed, courteously. There was no need to behave as a blind beast... I would show manners. He bowed back. "You wished to fight me? I wholly accept your challenge." I stated. I believe he was waiting for me to attack first.
But I had already vowed to only attack if first attacked.
We lingered on mere taunts and tilts of the head. Simple mechanics, to prelude our spar. I opted to keep this match simple. After all, I had no actual issue with Silent.
He never actually wronged me. He would not have to face the true viciousness I would otherwise unleash.
Indeed, it almost seemed we would not reach the point of actual combat... until finally, he lowered his antlers. Finally, I lowered my own. Our match was short, composed of rising and attacking with hooves and horns. I managed to avoid attacking with teeth this time.
Familiar shades of red caught the drops of rain that fell over us. Focus...
It was not a mist or downpour of blood... only rain.
Silent seemed to recognize the fact that I struggle to maintain sanity...
Soon a crowd formed around us. I tried to ignore them until the fight was over. Silent broke away, and stepped into the shallows. I stood in place, amidst the crowd for but a few moments. Yes, I was the winner, even if I restrained myself.
But it didn't feel over.
Perhaps I'm simply too used to fighting until someone collapses.
The accumulating company around us became a little too much. I called back out at Silent, a call for a rematch at a later time... then left the lake for the Ruins.
I do believe I was followed, but it didn't matter. I grabbed up a few poppies and laid them at Lagho's grave, then returned to the lake.
Silent had taken to walking on the lake's surface. I do believe he was requesting to continue our bout over the water, perhaps to filter away the unnecessary company. Now... I'm not exactly... skilled in such feats as water walking, or air walking... But within reason. Between age and these -blasted- chains... such things are difficult to pull off.
I took a few steps onto the water, but didn't get far before tripping over a chain and falling in.
What is it with the lake's depths that seem to wash so much away? The agony of wounds... the heat of rage... the desire to fight... the madness itself...
After finding my way back to land, I offered a polite bow to Silent and the others in the area, and fled to the playground. I soon took shelter under the slanted rock, just to get away from the other deer and the rain. There I remained for perhaps a few hours... I could not help but reflect on days where I had to rely on physical strength and never hold back, in order to survive every passing day. Three decades with my nomadic herd, wandering across the lands humans call; Russia, Asia, and Africa.
With the decision that the twin statues of the Endless Forest could only be depictions of demons… and the knowledge that we would not be openly accepted… we learned of many other entities that other creatures call gods. I recall… our stay in the land of Egypt… some brave yet confused child who mistook Laghodessa and I for two of his lands gods. What were their names… Anubis and Wepwawet? Ah, we should have stayed in Egypt. That child was kind to provide food for us where we otherwise might have starved.
Or crossing Romania; temporarily in the company of similarly traveling gypsies, or bands of wolves. The wolves told us of their Fenris… and the gypsies told stories pointing to many different religions. There had been instances where we took refuge in cathedrals similar to that of the forest’s ruins.
England had not been as friendly as Romania. We had become as shadows in those lands, careful not to ever be seen by their people. Where their dogs would have scared away most deer, we scared the dogs. In fact… considering how we had mostly lost the ability to be filled from eating grasses and leaves… we ate the dogs that came for us.
Alas… none of us could really escape what some would call ‘dark deeds’… but carnivores need to eat too. But now I am rambling.
Toward the end of the day, I returned to the lake. There I stumbled on the most somber of gatherings. Deer cuddled together, sitting in the water. The Priest sat alone, but he was among them. I bowed respectfully, and sat near him, but not next to, or close to. I can't help but wonder what had occured while I was away.
Soon, dear Aegle had joined us. I asked her to join us, and was suprised to see her throwing taunts and showing her small antlers toward The Priest and others gathered.
I don't recall her ever being aggressive before. In truth, I was stunned, and in fact, concerned. I left the gathering and offered her multiple nuzzles, and eventually left the rest with her. We crossed to the other side of the lake and sat together, close enough for me to shelter her some from the rain.
What had gotten to her? To change her from the chronically shy doe I once knew, to the now stubborn, aggressive doe I now sat with?
In a way, I admired this, even if it concerned me. She had begun to remind me of Laghodessa herself...
tracked for later reading
~Paz
deer: Amary, Melinoe, Oisín, Maera
Makes me wonder if Dark was
---
The Dragonfly Deer's Biography
Pega's Forest Philosophy: "Look for Friends. Let Love find you."
"If you don't like something, tolerate it."
|D He's been everywhere that
lol oh wow the stories he must have. (If he weren't 'evil'/scary he'd probably make an excellant storyteller for fawns and curious stags who'd listen. 8'D)
Ah, so we learn a little bit
You write these so well.
~Paz
deer: Amary, Melinoe, Oisín, Maera
<3 thisss...