Hello everyone, this blog was just made because I had decided to pick up a pencil
and paper. I hope you all like it, it's just of my thoughts at the time, and my inspiration
was the song, " Firework" by Katy perry. I guess this will be the intro. of my new book
I'm working on.
Please please please comment. Thank you!!!
As I feel a sudden chilly, evil breeze brush against my neck, I could sense what was
coming. Nothing as I ever imagined, a fate worse than death, slowly encircling me,
wrapping me into it- and consuming me. Even though it is dark and I can see nothing,
I close my eyes. What else can I do? Watch this terrible fate seal itself upon me? No. I
have to face this sooner or later, so I want to hurry the process. Yet, even though it has
been but a few moments, they seem to last lifetimes. Then, with it's icy fingers, it put me
within it's grasp, slowly crushing out all good. But wait! What is that? Slowly, a hard warmth
was growing from the center of me. Then it hit me, hard and thoroughly, with it's plain
and obviousness- rage. Anger. Slowly, and then suddenly, it grew. The thing I had once
feared as my fate, quickly let it's grasp completely go of me, and as I grew stronger with
rage, then courageousness, then hope, it shriveled away. It then began cowering at the good I
have brought out of it's most terrible grip. Then, the light grew stronger, and brighter.
It races towards me, eager to meet my consciousness. Then, when I think all worse is over,
everything goes blank.
*puts on her serious critique
As an intro, it has a few problems. For starters, it's very abstract. We have a person, a cold wind, and... Well, in terms of physical qualities, in an actual scene, nothing.
We learn nothing about the characters, the world, or the tone of the story, nor much of the premise: a character has a fate and is going to fight it ( a choice that could be half or a whole of a book). But that's not as satisfying hook to most readers. Not enough information to make the mystery worthwhile.
Try starting with a scene that shows off something that makes this story different and what you hope the readers will like. A good, physically-grounded scene makes the story seems real and makes creating the dream-world of the story easily.
Luckily, this serves as a good first page for throwing out, since you almost always end up throwing out your first page.
Well, that's exactly what I
Please comment!! Thank
Pls! Id like to hear what you
It's interesting, I think you
thank you! I thought it was a
Hi i like the story,
First of all: this is nothing
Generally speaking, starting a sentence with 'and' is no longer frowned upon(this used to be considered a serious 'nono'), but you've done it several times here, especially towards the end.
And the thing I had once feared as my fate, quickly let it's grasp completely go of me, and as I grew stronger with rage, and then courageousness, and then hope, it shriveled away, cowering at the good I
had brought out of his most terrible grip. This could definitely be made into two smaller sentences.
And then- blank. This, on the other hand, is a sentence fragment.
Now, in my personal opinion, you've picked a really hard tense to write in - I tend to write in the past tense, more often than not - but if you think it works for you, go for it. The problem is that it's often hard to stay in this tense. You start with, 'As I feel a sudden chilly, etcetcetc', but then, a few sentences down, you used, 'it seemed to last lifetimes,' which is past-tense. You do this a few times.
Also: 'it's' is the contraction of 'it is'. 'Its' is the possessive form for 'it'.
XD i meant for that to
a good "umph" to the story text.
I know, i know, i didnt
ok, i know a lot of you are
I think this may go somewhere
i meant for that to happen,
a good "umph" to the story text.
While it may add "umph" occasionally, it's sort of like adding a lot of pepper. Too much 'umph' can be a bad thing.
I know, i know, i didnt exactly spell everything right, i was just too eager to get it out there. i guess i'll just edit it when i have the time i guess.
ok, i know a lot of you are worried about me not putting much editing into practice in this "proface"
Writing is a lot like a habit - it's one of those things that you tend to do over and over again - and it's remarkably important to develop good writing habits. If you don't fix mistakes as you write them, or afterwards? You're going to be a sloppy writer. I don't say that to sound mean, but it's true.
If you type something and don't proofread/spell check it, and then post it - if you didn't go through the effort of making sure something is properly written - why should someone else take the time of reading it?
From there, if you don't care about the appearance of your writing, most people(not all, and again, this is just my personal opinion) are not going to care about the storyline or the outcome, because it looks like you don't care.
Yeah, i guess so.
Here, this is now the new and
This is the newly edited bit
Pls, comment if u can. Ty!!!!
Pls, comment if u can. Ty!!!!
Oops.... XD
Feel free to comment.