Not-Tef related story omg. Rate perhapse? (Entry story/post for "Blood Sport" on DA)

Zergarikiaka's picture
“Incoming message”, a female voice booms across a tinted glass-walled laboratory, lain out like a modern day office and sectioned off with Plexiglas cubicles containing separate experiments. A holographic screen spreads across the far back wall, displaying the insignia of the Irken Elite. The insignia fades, and is swiftly replaced by the image of the Irken Tallests. A lanky, feminine figure strides down the center hallway, and stops only a few yards away from the screen. Her dark golden eyes narrow slightly. “My Tallests? It’s been a while. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?” she immediately questions. “Always so serious…” Purple mutters before speaking up. “By now you must have heard about our Blood Sport 2 challenge? There will be particular threats to the empire participating in the challenge, so we’ll need you to join and ‘take care of them’, just to ensure there won’t be any dangerous winners.” She sighs, crossing her arms in front of herself, head tilting to one side. “Seems like such threats would just eliminate each other… But if you insist, Sirs... How much should I expect in payment?” She inquires. “We’ll pay double your usual fee, provided you… what’s the word I’m looking for?” Red trails off, glancing at Purple. “Survive?” Purple questions. “Yes… Survive” Red finishes.

Zergarikiaka remains silent for a moment, mentally debating taking on the challenge. She soon flashes a grimace. “My Tallests, you have yourself… an assassin.” She comments. She raises her right hand and gives the Tallests a respectful salute. With that, the holographic screen fades away, momentarily displaying the irken insignia again. She drops her hand and turns away from the now barren wall, with an expression of thought. It would be foolish to even think for a moment that her upcoming task would be easy at any point. In truth, there would be a decent risk that she would be among those who will die – but it was a risk she would take, if not for the Empire, for the monies. Her grimace pulls into a grin, and a soft laugh escapes her. “Zerg… greed truly is your greatest downfall.” She comments out loud. She sobers up quickly, and drops her arms to her sides, hands delving into her lab coat’s pockets. She remains silent for a moment, listening to the subtle thrum of generators and lesser computers echoing through the otherwise quiet lab. She begins to walk back down the hall. “Computer, open a path to Vault 716 and open the vault for me.” She orders simply. The metal ground begins to glow a silvery tone, and white lines flash across the floor, outlining the locations of each Plexiglas cubical. Each cubical and their contents begin to sink under the glowing floor, being lowered to the next floor. As they disappear from view, the soft thrumming of machinery intensifies into more of a roar, echoing out threw the hollowed out platform. The floor returns to its dull gray tile state, though it trembles and shudders as a metal case is elevated threw a newly opened hole in the center of the floor.

Sharp clanks echo out, as hatches flip open. The metal case groans and slowly draws open, releasing a cool blast of air and mist. A light within activates, splashing light onto a wide array of unusual weapons, ranging from large cannon-styled lasers with multiple batons, to handheld sized devices with the external shape of spearheads, to more familiar designed weapons such as sniper rifles, automatic pistols, irken military standard lasers, and grenades. Behind a glass door within the vault, several vials containing varied colored serums, chemicals, vaccines, tranquilizers, and poisons were assorted. Carefully shelved between each weapon’s holding places is the appropriate ammo to go with said weapon. It was only natural that the vault did not carry only weapons and serums, but enough ammo to supply a squadron for a month. Zerg reaches into the vault, and extends the tip of her right hand index finger’s claw to about two inches, and slips it into a locking mechanism like a key. With an easy twist of the wrist, the glass door clicks open. She retracts her claw back into her hand, and opens the door. Deftly, she removes the case containing the assorted serums and such, closing it and stepping out of the vault. “Now computer, send the vault to the Voot Runner’s docking bay. I’ll need everything that will possibly fit restocked into my ship. Come dusk, I shall be departing for the blood Sport planet. Before I leave though, I shall need you to compose a map of the planet in question and download it into the Runner.” She orders, stepping away from the case as the metal door slides shut. “Right away.” The female voice responds. The ground begins to tremble again, as a lift begins to push upward from under the vault, elevating it to the highest floor above. The room begins to return to its previous state.

As the room completely settles into its previous condition, Zerg steps into one of the many glass walled rooms, and places the case onto a metal table and pops the case back open. She begins to remove varied syringes and medical looking tools from the surface of the table, and stocks them into the case with the vials already inside. Not even considering the addition odd, she also adds to the cased assortment, tools that would frequently be used in welding. To compete in a game of murder and bloodshed, it would naturally be an advantage to any biologist-turned-assassin to carry weapons beyond the typical projectile and melee weapon. Biological weapons and injections serve every bit as well, anyway. Further, it was a benefit to consider treatments for accumulated injuries that would likely come up, just so she could last longer. Then some mechanical repair knowledge and tools might come in handy as well…

Closing the case again, and carrying it with her by her right hand, she stepped out of the Plexiglas cubicle and threw the hall, until she reached the one elevator in her entire lab that would lead either in or out. A security access lock was stationed beside the metal doors, designated to prevent the dropping in of unwelcome guests, and the escape of unwilling test subjects. With her free, albeit under developed left hand, she typed in a series of numbers, soon resulting in the elevator doors sliding open. She presses the highest button on the panel inside, after stepping in. The doors slide shut behind her, and the elevator begins to rise. Upon reaching the highest floor, the doors again slide open, and Zerg steps out. From the ceiling, a long metal arm had extended and unraveled into many metal claws, each delicately reaching into the already present vault and extracting the varied weapons, then with the precision only a machine could carry, places them into the previously empty back section of a painted black Voot Runner. The Voot Runner itself was already active and levitating a good fifteen inches off the platform below it. The metal arm recoils away from the vault after placing the last of the stored items into the Voot Runner. Its attachments compress and clip into the main body of the arm, and a claw opens at the very end, opening a large red metal eye, which revolves to gaze upon the owner of the base. “Do have a pleasant trip, Master Zergarikiaka.” The female voice comments promptly. Zerg flashes a smirk at the metal eye. “Hard to tell if you are being ironic or polite.” She notes, then looking up through the base’s ceiling. The rooftop hatch had begun to open, leading a clear runway for the docked ship to depart. The light of the sun had grown faint, into the reddish orange shade of the late evening. A cool air breathed threw the docking bay, carrying in the scent of autumn.

Under the rapidly falling light, Zerg steps into the spacecraft and takes her place in the pilot’s seat. The plasma window forms over the front of the ship, and is followed by the engines beginning to roar. She quickly checks the touch screen on the ships desktop, running one long finger over the screen until a map to the Blood Sport planet pops up, followed by an image of the planet itself and its terrain. “Good work computer.” She complements quickly, then barely giving the machine the time to respond before driving the ship out of the dock and into the sky. The city her base had been stationed within fell rapidly out of view, soon disappearing into the blue and green terrain of the planet, which itself swiftly becomes no more than another spec among trillions of stars. Even the stars roll away like a scroll, or perhaps more like an old Star Wars movie.


-----

Uh, lemmeh just say, yes I know the main character here shares the name of my hyper happy go lucky doe here. XD I named her after this character, even though the personalities are polar opposite eachother. |D So uh, yes. (I do do that a lot yua know)
Bylah's picture

Okay..do you want a rating,

Okay..do you want a rating, or constructive criticism? Because if you don't want the latter, let me know. Some people don't like it when others point out their mistakes, no matter how earnest or heartfelt it is.


Zergarikiaka's picture

Bit of both if alright. XD

Bit of both if alright. XD Be light with critique though, just since I took a long time writing this.

Vira's picture

dsjfklsdfj your in the blood

dsjfklsdfj your in the blood sport? |D /is envious

I think you did a good job, very well written :3

My Deer

Bylah's picture

I'll be gentle, I promise,

I'll be gentle, I promise, as there's only one thing that really gets to me about this. That is...

...your use of tenses. Here's an example:

'Under the rapidly falling light, Zerg stepped into the spacecraft and took her place in the pilot’s seat. The plasma window forms over the front of the ship, and is followed by the engines beginning to roar.'

The first sentence is using the past tense, but in the second, you switch to the present. You've primarily used the present tense for the whole of the story, so the switch is very disjointed. Here:

'It would not be long before the interesting landscape of the Blood Sport planet would come to view. One continent, surrounded by a massive body of water, sectioned off into unique and distinguishable zones.'

it's obvious again, especially with the use of 'would'. The word 'would' is very problematic because of how it should be used. Example:

'She would go to the store later, after dinner.'

If you're talking about something that's going to happen..well, it either happens, or it doesn't! This is a big issue to overcome, especially when using the present tense, because it's not hard at all to use it wrong.

The tense issue aside, this is really well done. You've done your spellchecking, as far as I can tell, and your puncutation/grammar is pretty solid as well.


Zergarikiaka's picture

X'D I fear tenses are my

X'D I fear tenses are my weak spot. Initially I wanted to use past tence, then decided on presant. Ah... I'll have to look out for that. o.o And fix it.
XD I'm really not sure how that last paragraph got so messed up tense wise. *head desks* |D