( I'm sorry I know you are overloaded with rp's right now, so you don't have to reply to this, Illrose just wanted to share her concerns too. )

A few drops of blood ran from the fresh wounds on her head. Self-inflicted, after she had tried to knock herself unconscious, hoping it would reverse whatever had caused her memory loss. But all the rage, desperation and depression had ceased immediately as her pale eyes fell on the red bull. He had been lying there for days now, and didn't look good at all. Illrose slowly walked over to him, and sat down next to him and his sleeping companion. She didn't really remember what had been between them, but others had told her, some of them that were actually here now. Illrose wondered why, since they had made it clear they didn't like Gustiro at all. Did they wait for him to die? Well, that wouldn't happen. Illrose looked down at the red stag, slowly lowering her own head, her chin touching his forehead gently.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" She then whispered.

She believed him to be asleep, therefore she was surprised when his eyes opened, and he looked at her. For a moment she almost panicked; others had told her about the vow she had given, the promise to stay away. But how could she, when he was in a state like this? She kept her eyes locked at his, listening carefully as he spoke.
"You have been told to stay here and don't drink?" She asked, frowning.
"Why would anyone tell you that? And more important, why would you listen to them? You should have seen all the deer that gathered here earlier. They were worried for you, some need you." Like me. Those last words rested on the tip of her tongue, but Illrose swallowed them again.
"It hurts me more to see you like this." She said in the end, almost whispering again since she had noticed his eyes were close again.

Illrose shook her head slowly, confusion in her eyes.
"I...I don't understand what you're trying to say." She tilted her head.
"What do you mean like me? Who told you?" She asked. But the sudden movements from the stag made her almost jump to her feet. The aggression in his eyes made her heart twist, and for a moment she wanted to just run, away from that angry look. But she didn't, she only lowered her head, with her ears flopped down. She didn't remember anything of this, she had just been told that it was her choice indeed. Illrose could see how the movements and speaking so much had made him worse. She should have stayed away, like she had promised!
"I...I'm sorry! I didn't mean to..to upset you." She looked at him, but he had turned his head away now. Illrose was about to turn and leave, but she stopped again, turned to face the stag again.
"What if...what if I want to stay this time?" She whispered. The last days she had felt completely useless, like a waste of space with no purpose at all. Staying with Gustiro could perhaps change that.

Just as Illrose had uttered the words, she felt a warm feeling spread in her body. Staying. Staying with Gustiro. If only he would let her. She looked back at him, her ears perking when she did not get an answer, nothing at all. Worried she hurried closer, before she carefully sat down next to him.
"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you more. But I will stay this time, I promise. I will stay if you'll let me." She knew he wasn't listening anymore, but she had to utter the words. Yes, she wanted to stay with him.

Glad to hear you're doing okay. ♥

Good to hear you are okay. ♥

( Just editing the whole post since Sao got him out in the water. :'D

Silently she had rested beside the red bull, straightening out fur that had curled itself while he slept. Despite being extremely worried for him, she had not said anything, not attempting to push him to eat or drink something. At least not until Saosin arrived. Illrose's heart jumped when Saosin got Gustiro not only up on his feet, but he got him to move too! Quickly Illrose was at Gustiro's side, supporting and encouraging him as Saosin got him to move forward. And finally they had reached the river. Illrose almost held her breath when Gustiro walked into the water, and she had to hide her disappointment as he sat down without drinking anything. Oh well, at least he was in the water now. She nudged into the fur on his neck.
"Please, stop torturing yourself like this." She then whispered gently.

"Gustiro...What has happened? What's wrong?" She looked sadly down at the bull, worried that he wouldn't get up, before laying down beside him.

((*wonders why Illrose is mini* X3))

There was a brief, glassy eyed glance towards Phoenix, his usual acknowledgment in his current state. The bull may have not shown it but he drew comfort by the newest arrival, a space to fill now that Soasin was absent.
"No...," he murmured as Illrose spoke to him again. "Told no..." His answer and yet he continued to force his voice out. "Perhaps... Perhaps come back... Tell what do next... Maybe next... drink..." The bull suddenly hunched forward, chin touched the water as his shoulders rose high and shook as if in great pain. "Maybe... maybe not tell stay... Maybe... Maybe say... go away?" The red bull choked at this new realization. "Not come back... not back yet..." His ears pulled back as he struggled to breath. "Like you," he continued. "Maybe say away, like you..." Finally he lifted his head, looked to Illrose who was on his one side. He spoke more quickly now, desperately, though his speech never became more smooth, never clearer. If anything the swift words became more harsh, painful. "Why wrong? Why always say is I wrong? What do wrong? Is stop. Is wait! Wait for tell what do right! Tell what do next! No one say what right! Always wrong... wrong, wrong!"

It was so terrible to see him in this state, and not being able to help him at all. Illrose's features were saddened and confused as she tried to grasp the whole meaning of Gustiro's words. She shook her head slowly, as if to show she did not understand what he was talking about.
"Who told you no?" She asked carefully.
"And who do you want to come back? Is it Dinah Moon? I...I can see if I can find her if you want to. I doubt...she will listen to me, but it is worth to try, right?" She tilted her head when he looked at her, still not understanding much of his words. Say away? Did he want her to stay away...or what? When his voice got harsher and painful it made her ears flop down, but Illrose tried to remain calm.
"Relax Gustiro, please relax." Illrose kept her voice low and gently, while her mind raced, trying to figure out exactly what the stag meant he did wrong.
"You are not wrong. You protect those you care for, you fight for what you believe in. That is right. And I won't tell you that staying away from food and water is wrong, but many are worried about you because of it. I think it would be right to drink some water." Her eyes then fell on another doe approaching, a doe she had seen now and then, but didn't really know. She pinned her ears to her neck at the harsh words the doe came with, before she raised her brows.
"You think shouting at him will help?" She asked, calm, but with a hint of cold. She rather wanted to get to the bottom of Gustiro's 'problem', rather than throwing tantrums and threaten him to eat or drink.

( Edit to reply a bit to Ryff too. xD )

((<3Ryff))

Gustiro's ears folded tighter against his skull as Ryff showed up and began to speak. He opened his mouth as if to say something heated to her but instead seemed to deflate, ears loosening atop his head.
He looked back to Illrose, his breathing growing weaker, heavier with each sentence. "No... Is good, Dina'... Is good she go. She hurt. Yes? She... be ill for Gus'... Not... not good... for her hurt..." He lightly shook his head, though even that small movement hurt his head. At least he seemed to calm down. Or had not the energy to be so upset anymore. "Is all say wrong. You say wrong... they say wrong... no say what right...no..." A heavy, exhausted sigh escaped him. "Vo'... Vo' say... Wait... or... or go away? Don't know... No know no more... Never say wrong... before... Like you... Maybe, like you, say stay away... Is not choice me... No know..." The confusion seemed to grow on the bull's face as he tried to work out what was right.

(I should not be on much longer. It's really late already and I have work tomorrow. If we need to we might have to finish tomorrow.)

I have to go very soon too, I think I'll reply to the rp tomorrow. :')

Lol, shaku. xD

That's okay. ^^; Goodnight.

Illrose gave a slow nod.
"Yes, Dinah was by your side for a long time. But she is fine now, not sick." Illrose could say this because she had spotted Dinah Moon down by the pond while they led Gustiro to the stream, and Dinah had seemed quite okay then. She began to groom the red bull while she listened to him, still trying to figure out what he was trying to tell them. Now and then she looked up at the other does to see if they could understand what Gustiro said.
"What is wrong? Is what we say wrong? Do you know what is right and what we should say?" She just had to try, had to ask question in an attempt to figure out what he meant.
"Yes, I said stay away. But I was wrong. I don't want to stay away and I'm not going to anymore. Unless you want me to." She could she the confusion in his face, it was probably mirroring the confusion in her own. Illrose sighed.
"We're gonna figure this out, don't worry."

Gustiro felt the frustration building again. Talking. The red bull hated talking. No one ever understood him. There was never a point in talking. He listened to Illrose, quiet but uncertain.
"No," he murmured quietly, wearing down. "No. You say I wrong. All time, say I wrong but wont say what right. All say. And no one." A ripple ran across the bull's back as Illrose continued speaking. She had said this before... that she would stay. He was uncertain if he should believe her. She had come and gone so many times before. Still his chest ached for her but she was no longer the only one he hurt for. The bull's mouth opened and he seemed ready to speak again but instead his head began to swerve. He was tired, beyond tired. His head slowly lowered and laid across Phoenix's back, his eyes flickering across Ryff and Illrose.
It was at this time things began to sink in. As he was unable to throw small fits, unable to try and explain himself. What the others have said. These does and others. He was hurting them. This was not what he wanted. At the same time he was loosing what he wanted most despite the fact he did this, everything, for that want. The bull finally realized he was not coming back for him. And although he deeply wanted to continue waiting there was too much of a possibility that what he meant was to leave. Not stay, not wait. Too many were pleading for him to give up this obedient planting, this stubborn resolve. Even a quiet voice, a strong presence in the back of his mind, told him to give in.
There was a desperate look in his fading eyes as he stared at the two does, head resting heavily on the poor third doe tasked with supporting it.
"Don't... go..." Pleading words as his lids slid shut as again his mind was taken away into unconsciousness.

(Another badly written post. Just going to finish last nights here. XP )

(( ;; Poor boy.))

Vodun felt his pride rebel at Illrose's offer to support him, but by the first few steps, he was thankful for her steady legs. It took too long to reach the stream. Long enough that his nerves began to rattle as badly as his knees. When he finally reached the bank, saw red beneath the ripples of water, his mind short-circuited. He sank down slowly into the thick grass. Water and fire. Vasska was always so frightened of the water. How was it that Gustiro lay so peacefully at the bottom? For a moment, Vodun envied the red bull. Longed to join him there.

And then the moment was over. His heart skipped a beat, and Vodun clambered to his feet, scrambling down the bank of the stream as quickly as his shaking legs would carry him. The mud sucked at his hooves, and he nearly toppled into Gustiro. His hooves hit still-warm fur. Not warm enough. Unmoving. He dug into it, trying to call out, but his voice was thin and pale like the wind.

Holy shit.

I listened to the song and just... ksjdfhfkhj.

I cried a little. ;;

Shaku,
The red bull had fallen into one of his in again, out again unconsious states. Neck crooked up against the river bank where his antlerless head lay just barely above the lapping waters. He was still, quiet. Chilled to the touch. The first few times he did not notice Vodun's prodding. However somehow something pricked at the back of his mind. A distant pain. And again. Sharp against a thin, starved side. An image flickered across the confused bull's mind. Saosin again? Come to move him? Gustiro had not the energy to go so far again nor did he have a mind to.
Dark brown eyes peeled open and stared milky eyed up at the gray stag. For a moment the bull did not recognize that gentle face. His lids began to slide shut again before suddenly snapping wide. There was surprise mixed in with the pain and exhaustion. The bull attempted to push his front end up with a wobbly leg but the slippery mud made the limb slide out from beneath him and again he lay on his side staring up at the smaller deer.
"Y-..." A broken noise as he attempted to speak. He swallowed several times trying to find a voice within a sore, scratchy throat. "You... came back..." The surprise was fading to a look of desperation as if he had been caught doing something wrong. "Waited... Stay where put... But they make move..."


Ryff, Pumpkinseed,
Yes, it is from Spirit. I had the song pop into my head the other day while playing Gustiro. I thought it would be fitting. Thank you. :3

A faint sigh escaped the bull as he felt the touch against his neck, relief washing across his tortured face. Contact, to be touched. Though his body trembled from a chill a warmth spread through his chest. Vodun was not the first to warm him through these rough days for many came but it was this particular warmth he waited for.
However his tired features twisted again as the gray stag apologized to him. The bull once again thoroughly confused. Why were they apologizing to him now? Were not they the ones to say he was the one wrong, that Gustiro was wrong? Now both Vodun and Illrose come to him saying sorry.
"Don't... understand..."
What did they want from him? What more could he do to please them? Who was right, who was wrong? Did they want his direction or did they want his lead? At that moment he felt the dreadful desire for the comfort the skull he normally wore provided. Though he had not the strength to retrieve it nor could his aching head recall where he had left it.
"Vo'," his burning throat forced out in a pleading tone. "Is... did right...? To wait? No water...?" The question was begging for praise, for further reassurance. The red bull had already suspected he misunderstood. That perhaps Vodun wanted him to leave, not stay. Gustiro has found himself in so many misunderstanding in this forest now. He had found himself turned away many times and not only by Illrose, not only by Vodun. What more could he do to make them stay?

Feeling Vodun tense made the large bull very uncomfortable. For a moment he feared he had done wrong to ask so selfishly for reassurance or that perhaps that Vodun would rather use movement to answer rather then words. That Vodun was going to leave again. The bulls head sagged low. Held hardly above the water.

He was so tired of loosing his footing amongst his deer. So tired of these missteps. He felt as if he was drowning. He had gathered deer he believed were his to protect, his to comfort and love. He had always been so sure. At least sure in what he was supposed to do. And now he doubted so much. Many have told him he was wrong, even deer he believed was under his watch. He was lost. Lost in a sea of so many unique minds from so many unique worlds. Lost amongst so many opinions and so many free spirits. Though some needed him in some ways they did not need him in the ways he thought. These were not the lost souls trapped in lifeless shells huddled behind his muscle and lead so easily. These were not the people he knew. He did not know what to do with those here who called upon him.
But most of all he was lost in new desires. A wanting to be more then a protector and a giver of comfort. Although it went against everything he was told. A code he followed so closely. He had always been a jealous man but such things were so easily overcome by merely struggling to survive day to day. Protecting day to day. No time to wallow in jealousy, in desires, in selfish needs. He wanted so badly now. And those wants he tried to cling to so desperately. The more he clung the more quickly they broke away and the more he was left with guilt and confusion.

Gustiro leaned in to touch his weary face to a gray shoulder. A silent plea that the contact would not be broken.
"You put... You move to place... yes? No water go... No go water... Go 'here' instead, is what want... yes? Is wait. Wait where place put... wait tell what next... But they move... say move... I move..." Eyes slowly slid shut, his face held to the wet fur of the other stag's shoulder, keeping contact. His voice returning to a plea. "Please... No go for wrong... Would wait more... Sorry move... Sorry..." As he spoke his voice broke and cracked increasingly. His bulk growing more heavy as his weakened body drains more energy from simply holding his tired head up.

The red bull listened. He was listening but he didn't understand. At least there was contact. There was comfort in being able to touch.
"Left... Gone...?" The bull was mumbling now. Fighting a new wave of exhaustion, another blackout threatening to creep up on him. "No. No. Was where you put... No know... No know what want."
Slowly he lifted his head, broke the contact to be able to look the stag in the eye. There was deep confusion in his eyes. Not only for what they were talking about. His condition blurred his thoughts. Made it even harder to grasp. His eyes misted, their lids drooped. "Is want fight? If... If no want put... If no... go away... Then... Then tell fight?"

( ^What Ryff said. xD *sneaks out* )

(( ^ LOL. Oh my. xD ))