TRACK and hey can anyone draw me a css or something? sorry to be asking here on this blog (take your time drawing it and contact me at popmomdaddy on skype)

At least the rain stopped. That was one of the few positive thoughts the crippled buck could make himself acknowledge. The rain stopped and it wasn't snowing. At least for right now, but hell he'd take it. It was gradually warming up too, which meant the winter was coming to an end. Granted, seasons were just sort of abstract concepts with the forest. How many times had it snowed in the middle of summer? At least once, or...maybe twice a year? That he could recall. Maybe once...hmm. Abstract either way.

He shifted his weight, stretching out a cramp in his back leg. Resting on the playground rocks were always a risky thing with him. They were tall and difficult for him to hop up at points, and very easy for him to fall off of, if he wasn't careful. But they soaked up the sunlight and felt wonderful to rest on. That was enough of a reason for him to risk his neck to try to spend time curled up on them. Today, they were peaceful too. The gentle sunlight warming his back and the twittering birds were enough for him to gradually block out the distant moos of deer and the chattering of squirrels.

(Apologies for the short start. Internet keeps cutting out.)
andddd making sure you see this.

@Chromai: Manda: ILLL BE BAAAACK. OhwaitactuallyIambackbutplayerislazytoupdatethissonevermind. *slides away*

Would love to meet Jezara soon again, tho.

@ Waning - Sun:

That's okay! I don't mind the length. Just write how much you want to write. (Besides, I should stop writing novel-like replies anyway 8/ )
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It hadn't been long since the orange stag's return - two days, was it? Ah, he hadn't counted the days, nor the hours for that matter. At the moment, he felt a little uncomfortable here, even though he had learnt to call the Endless Forest his home over the years. Another winter had passed, and the rainy week had been a sign of it - although the buck was glad that it had ended. For several reasons, rainy days weren't exactly on his list of favourites. Still, he couldn't feel safe, despite the joyful sounds of the Forest birds, or the sun that had finally shown its face after all these cold, wintery months. Not after the recent events, anyway. It felt as if their peaceful Forest was becoming infested with predators, monsters and creatures one would much rather be quiet about. It put a lot of stress for the orange stag, but that was mainly his own fault. You couldn't protect everyone, no matter how hard you tried. Now that spring was here, those creatures would become even more active than before.

If he was being honest, he wasn't even sure if he was going to stay around too long this time. Even though his home was far in the North, where wolves and frostbites and the lack of proper nutrition was a real issue, he felt as if it was safer there. But, on the other hand, all of his friends and acquaintances were here, not forgetting that his knowledge of medical herbs was needed here. He wasn't sure where to go, or where he was truly needed.

However, spring brought about another problem, one that especially concerned the antlerless wanderer. It was the herbs that he had stashed around the Forest - now that the snow and the ice were properly melting, birds and little critters could get into those stashes easier. It had been hard work, burying all the plants, herbs, leaves and berries that he hadn't been able to carry in his bag. When spring came, it always felt like all that work was a complete waste, as the small animals ate them all. That's why he was in a stressful hurry, trotting around the woods to salvage anything that he could find. Some of those herbs wouldn't be available until autumn, and that's why it was essential to find them in time - who knew if they were needed.

The stag's journey was leading him closer to the Playground rocks, as he remembered having a stash under the wide rock that was resting on two, smaller rocks, creating a shade under it. The stag's size made it really difficult to crouch under it in order to get to his stash, but it was still one of the safest places he could think of. Birds rarely went there.
It was where he kept the rarest of his plants, and this time around he was afraid that the stash had been damaged by the creatures that had sought shelter there during the rain. Well, only one way to find out.

He wasn't exactly sure what stopped him from doing that in the end - perhaps a breeze of wind blowing against his maskless face, or a distant sound, perhaps even a quick thought, a desire to look on the rocks. Whatever it had been that had led him to that decision, he was glad that it did.
He saw a figure, much smaller than himself, bathing in the warm sunlight. Even from this, tough angle, he couldn't have forgotten that face. He remembered it as if it had just happened yesterday - the stag never forgot faces, nor did he forget names.
Even so, he was a little reluctant to approach Zash. ( Holycrap, me. Stop writing. ) He knew that the male wasn't bitter, or angry about what had happened, but it had been extremely rude, to pout like that in the presence of a stranger. The bull wasn't sure how he could strike up a conversation creatively, nor how he could apologise for what had happened a few weeks ago.

However, this was a chance to get to know the other stag better, to understand why he had chosen to help out a stranger like that. Who knew, perhaps this was the wanderer's only chance to do so. He jumped elegantly on one of the rocks, a few metres farther from Zash. The sound of his heavy hooves banging against the rocks probably gave him away, and the pieces of his old mask clashed against each other with the sudden movement. "You're Zash, aren't you? It looks like we meet again." He spoke calmly, but a hint of nervousness could be heard in his voice. He wasn't sure how the male'd react to this reunion.

Manda you big scarecrow :'<
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Well, that was certainly a reaction the orange stag hadn't expected.

In his head, the stag had imagined all kinds of catastrophical scenarios happening: Zash lashing out at him for being so immature before, completely ignoring him based on the impression the wanderer had given of himself last time, or getting really uncomfortable around him and darting off.
However, he hadn't been waiting for the male to just get up and panic like that - as if Manda was an enemy that others needed to be afraid of. The sudden reaction made the big stag back off in shock, but he couldn't just leave, not now when he had finally managed to gather the courage to approach someone. Besides, the situation looked dangerous - Zash was in serious danger if he'd fall off from the rock he was sitting on. If it came to it, the wanderer wouldn't think about it twice before running over there to push him far away from the ledge. He wasn't sure why the gray stag was scared of him - or knew, the male had every reason to - but didn't remember him behaving this way last time. It's your fault for being so straightforward. He bit his lower lip as his mind wanted to scold him - what would he do if the gray stag ended up hurting himself?

He sighed deeply in relief as the male seemed to regain his balance, but held his ground, afraid of what might come out of Zash's mouth. His heart was beating much faster, slowly starting to recover from that tight situation. Would the gray one be angry? Manda was the one here who had bothered him, twice now. Why had he expected the smaller stag to be friends with him, anyway? He had acted so foolishly the last time that they had met, and he should have known to expect something similar. The orange stag was still dangerous, and his size didn't help much in making others feel secure around him. He was a fool for just trying to approach him so quickly, as if they had known for a long time. The orange stag hardly knew anything about the gray anyway, seeing as their meeting last time had only been Manda opening up to complete strangers in his unstable state and not caring about the others at all. What a selfish beast he truly was, even though he wasn't keen on admitting that to himself.

He wasn't too sure what assumption to make as Zash finally spoke. It seemed like he remembered the orange stag, but the words or the tone of his voice didn't seem to reveal anything as to how the gray stag felt upon seeing Manda again. It made the wanderer nervous, and he didn't dare to look at his companion. His gaze sank down, desperately trying to find something he could focus his thoughts on. How could he respond? What was he allowed to say? In a way, the two of them were actually meeting for the first time. The orange stag was Manda again, not the violent, bitter nameless beast that the other stag had seen last time. He would have to represent his true self to the gray buck this time, and he found it to be difficult. What if he ended up dwelling on what happened last time, in a way that would make the other one uncomfortable? What if he made it seem as if it never happened and offended his companion? There were so many roads to take from here, and the orange stag wasn't sure what to do. He had never been that social, especially around adults, and it showed.

"Yes, a few weeks ago. You and Alastair were there when I -- when I lost it." He smiled awkwardly, hiding most of his face behind his thick hair. It was a little embarassing to talk about that, after all. In all honesty, the quicker the stag would forget about it and move on, the better. Still, he had to at least mention it - he didn't want to appear ungrateful. He was in eternal debt for the two, as continuing on that road he had been walking on could have only lead into ruin and the end of all the happiness that surrounded him. Shaking his head to rid himself of those memories, the orange stag muttered: "I'm sorry for scaring you. I should have been a little more careful of the way I choose to communicate. I just..wasn't sure if I'd ever get another chance to speak with you."

Despite Zash's comforting words, the orange stag couldn't help but feel guilty. He wanted to take the blame, after all he had been the one to approach without giving proper alerts of his whereabouts to the gray stag. The wanderer had never been good with social interaction, and he just couldn't expect others to understand that fact about him. He was 'quite' large for a herbivore, and could easily intimidate those smaller than himself if he wasn't more careful. Zash was in no way at fault in this situation, and the stag didn't want him to feel that way. "I'm the one who disturbed your peace, and I apologise. It could have been a dangerous situation. Your safety should have been considered first." The stag peered down from the ledge, not wanting to imagine what would have happened to the gray if he hadn't regained his balance. At the very least, the stag could have lost another of his legs. The wanderer gulped in discomfort, not wanting to look down there again. The orange stag wouldn't have hurt himself that badly if he had fallen, but he wasn't about to try it out. The thought of it was more than enough. Even his herbs couldn't have saved a life, would the gray buck have fallen.

The sharp look that was given didn't encourage the wanderer to raise his face - he had no idea what was going on in the head of his companion, and the first impression hadn't been the best that he could have given. If the situation continued to be tense like this, what would Zash think of him? Would he be any different than the unstable, bitter creature he had seen on that snowy day? Hopefully not. It's not who I am, He wanted to say, but didn't have the courage to do it. What good would it do to act like a child and deny it from ever happening? That hatred and bitterness was still a part of him, but that's exactly why he needed to be reminded of it. It was only through remembering the hardest times that he could learn to be a better person. Even after that had happened, the orange stag had noticed that he had grown, even if it was just a little. Everything counted in the eyes of the Gods.

Yet it didn't matter much how the orange stag saw himself - perceptions of yourself were often wrong, and only through the eyes of another could one's true personality be seen. If Zash thought him to be a hateful and frightening beast, then that was the truth. The orange stag wanted to give everyone a change to form their own opinion of him, and that was their truth, a part of their world. Manda just wanted to have a change to prove himself. He knew who he was, but the problem was how to represent a better side of him for others.

The question took him by surprise. What did he mean ? Did he mean what the stag had said about not having a change to speak? The wanderer's face turned grim, as he kept staring at his heavy feet. He pondered of how much he could tell the gray stag in the end - it's not like Manda didn't trust him, it was more of a problem how he'd take the wanderer's message. It was a matter of speaking of it in a way that he wouldn't be misunderstood. He didn't hate the Forest, he loved it with all of his heart, he just couldn't be here. He couldn't stand the Forest right now, not anything that had been going on in here. The wanderer sat down, the pieces of his old mask making pleasant sounds as the bones clashed together with the movement. He scratched the ground with his hoof, wondering how he could form his words in a logical manner. He hadn't liked the sharp look given to him, but he believed that he understood why. "I'm not sure if I can stay in this Forest. I don't feel safe in here anymore. I'm not a part of it." He looked at the sky, biting his lower lip anxiously.

(Sorry Skrem' couldn't stay longer, laptop is having update issues.)

These two are absolutely terrible for one another. I love it. xD

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The sick feeling returned a little at the male’s words. He knew the forest wasn’t exactly the safest place, knew it down in his heart of hearts, but hearing it spoken aloud in that way made it a concrete thought. Less welcoming sure, he could survive with that, but a place full of dangerous, blood thirsty beasts…

How he got away as freely as he had he never understood. He always assumed there would be at least one twisted, horrid creature that would take advantage of the fact that he was as crippled as he was and snap his neck. Then again, if they did it wasn’t like there was a feast to be had. He was nothing more than skin and bones. Granted he could always become some monster’s plaything. A toy. A stupid little mouse at the mercy of some giant cat.

The thought angered and sickened him at the same time. His medium length, gray fur spiked up along his spine as he rose to his hooves and limped a couple of steps over to the rock’s edge. Some part of his mind claimed that Manda’s thoughts were assumptions and accusations, twisted by fear and pain or some such thing. Surely all was not as bad as it seemed. But it was changing, there was no denying that. He casted his gaze out at the forest in thought, wondering about the faces he had known once, and how many of them were gone now. He wasn’t sure on that, but so many of the faces now had paws instead of hooves, were dog like or cat like instead of deer like. That couldn’t be helped. Some were different beasts altogether.

Did that mean they were dangerous? Anything was dangerous to him, he had only his antlers and those were just little velvet covered nubs at the moment. Glancing back at him at the question, Zash chuckled without humor.
“You make it sound like an ultimatum. As if we’re the last ones standing here before a forest infested with terrible beasts and you alone stand blocking the only way out. Despite how I look, I haven’t been in this forest long. I have seen almost three cycles of the seasons pass here, whatever it is that counts for years. But I travel outside of the forest often, and really only visit to check on my family or friends when I can find them.” He sighed, wheeling around to face him. “There were already beasts, some terrible, some good when I awoke in this forest. Not near as many as there are now, but there were some. Suppose there was a time when there were none, so maybe this amount now worries you to the point of leaving.” Zash shrugged, “I suppose it should worry me too, and it does…but…I don’t think I can leave for good just yet. I always assumed that if I was ever lucky enough to grow old here, I would eventually have to leave to go someplace warmer, just to make moving easier. I already have trouble in the winters…” he trailed off, chocolate gaze glancing away in thought. Had he already discussed this with him? He talked about this with someone, he just couldn’t remember who now. He shook his head, “Either way, I can’t leave my family, and until I’m targeted or my family is...I have no choice but to stay.” It felt like suicide to say that, to think that at some point however remaining deer, true deer and the forest ones would be gone for good…
“How long have you been here?”

Zash allowed the negativity comment to slide past him for the most part, curbing his tongue from adding to the male's thoughts. Giving a nod of agreement, he slowly limped the space between them to stand at his side. The surface of the rock, though flat in spots, was terribly uneven. He rarely thought about it, truthfully, just stumbled and tripped his way across it whenever he did find himself on the Playground rocks. Yet, nearly falling to his certain death had reminded him of his mortality, and the last thing he felt like doing was ruining Manda's day by dying. Or...asking him to end him should he fall and break another leg. Maybe a bit dramatic, but he had no desire to try to live his life balancing on two legs.

Five years. Perhaps it had been different for him then. Maybe, the forest had once been peaceful. He could see that, the echoes of peace were everywhere. Brave. A muscle in his jaw twitched at the accolade, but he refrained from saying anything. He was selfish, try as he might to fix that.
"I'm sure your family still needs you, even if they're not around much." he murmured gently, voice so soft it was probably difficult for the other male to hear. "I don't know where my family is much of the time, to be honest, but I still can't walk away. Even if I can't do anything to help them- or am too late- it'd still sicken me to think I could have done something, but didn't." He went quiet for a long couple of moments, before bobbing his head again.
"The forest was my second chance."

Thank you for your sweet company

Lol ....What a compliment for Fly
Sadly i'll have to leave soon .
See you !!

Oh, didn't even notice your reply!
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The orange stag listened closely to the story, not interrupting the gray buck. He had begun to understood why he felt so comfortable with the other stag - he had something to him that the stag hadn't seen before. He had knowledge, he had compassion, he had loyalty - but there was also something powerful about his presence that the orange stag hadn't seen in his years. A power that he wasn't able to touch. Yet, in a way Zash was no different than the orange stag, they both shared a link. A second chance, that's what the Gods had granted them both.

"We're the same, then, you and me. We both have to carry these scars as reminders of what we've done. I believe I understand." The orange stag tasted the scar that cut through his lower lip with his tongue. Indeed, it was still as deep as ever, and wouldn't fade away in this life. Still, compared to how Zash looked, he had it easier. To lose an entire leg...the orange stag couldn't even imagine what might have caused such damage. He kept looking at it, trying his best to be considerate. He truly felt pity for the gray stag, but saying those emotions out loud wouldn't have helped anyone. Saying that you were sorry didn't bring lost limbs back, nor did they heal facial scars. They were just a burden that they were meant to carry, for they had sinned in despicable ways.
He was curious now as to what Zash had done in his past, but that was just a selfish desire that would cause more harm than it did good. He had already troubled the gray stag more than it was necessary during their last counter, and Manda wanted to make a better impression about who he truly was - only that he lacked social skills. He didn't usually just talk to people like this, nor was it everyday that he had the chance to hear of someone's past. In truth, he was still a little overwhelmed about it all.

Instead of butting directly into Zash's personal matters, the orange stag wanted to know more of his family - he had said they lived in this Forest, after all. He wanted to hear just what kind of people they were that the other stag trusted and held in a high regard. How much would he be willing to sacrifice for them? How much was he able to trust them? The gray stag's ultimate loyalty for his family had the orange stag more curious than he had been in a long time - maybe he could learn something, even at this age. What it truly meant to love your family, what was Zash's opinion on it? Again, Manda couldn't just form the direct words and ask him straight in fear of seeming intrusive, so he tried to change the subject carefully. "Have you ever.. told anyone? Does your family know?" He lowered his gaze once more, shoulder tense. Even though he felt ashamed to admit it, he had never told his family about anything - only Camomille had known. And she had taken those secrets to the grave with her. "I never had the courage to do it. They can't know."

So sorry for the super late reply! I haven't been feeling that well, but I'm back now.
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The orange stag kept both of his ears fully drawn to the gray's direction, allowing him to finish his story. In all honesty, Manda was surprised to hear such an explanation, but at the same time he couldn't help but admire Zash's honesty. Even though speaking of these matters must have been tough, the other one seemed to be very open about his experiences. There was much in those words that Manda was easily able to relate to. Even if he didn't exactly understand what the gray one meant when he said that he wasn't right in the head, the orange stag couldn't really say that he was particularly fully sane up there either. He was weak.
The orange stag knew that it had taken time for the gray one to open up, but the most important part was that he had been able to do it. Manda was too afraid of losing his family that he had kept it all a secret from them, and he still did it to this day. It made him feel guilty for having the right to sit beside them, but he always started to panic whenever the subject of his past was brought up. He had thought that the incident where his old mask had broken would have helped with the issue, but it had only made him more open about showing his face and helped with his confidence. He still couldn't talk, and the fact that he couldn't made him feel like a liar, even though everything that he spoke of now was the truth.

"Weren't you.. afraid?" He asked, scratching the rock's surface nervously with his heavy, crackled hoof. The frostbites hadn't yet fully healed, even though the air had gotten much warmer compared to the previous weeks. "I have tried to tell my family of what I did years ago, but every time that I see their smiling faces, looking up to me.. I freeze. I'm afraid of losing the relationship I have with them, and I'm afraid that there'll be no one left to forgive my mistakes." The stag sighed deeply, lowering his gaze to look at the spot, where the gray stag's leg had once been. He felt a little pathetic, comparing himself to what the gray stag had gone through - at least Manda still had all of his limbs, and he had his strength to protect those closest to him. It seemed like Zash had lost much more than he had, and the gray stag still had the courage to talk to his beloved. The other one had mentioned a war, and humans - had he possibly fought in one? The orange stag had heard stories of humans, creatures with little fur and a funny language, but he had never seen one in person. But a war.. that was a concept he definitely understood, and one he wasn't very keen on thinking of. Still, it wasn't the stag's place to ask. He couldn't even wish to understand what an experience a war was, and he didn't want to provoke any memories that were best to be left alone. "I guess we're all oddities to this Forest, but that is what makes this place unique, right? You have the same right to live here as the Gods do." The stag smiled, looking at the gray buck with admiration. "And personally I am really glad that you do. Without you and Alastair, I don't know what would have become of me."

The orange stag listened closely, but wasn't able to look Zash in the eye, for he feared that the gray stag would have noticed his irritation. He wasn't angry at his companion, the stag was irritated with himself for knowing that the spoken words were true, yet he couldn't follow them. The truth was he couldn't trust his family to stay there for him when he needed it most. He feared of being alone, that the cycle from a few years ago would repeat, and that he'd have to build his life again from scratch. It had taken him so much time just to start speaking again after the day he had finally changed, but he was still mute, in a way. The truth was that he himself was standing between him and his recovery, because he felt like he didn't deserve to be loved. He never deserved to know the people that he did. It was tough fighting against yourself. The orange stag always talked about the Forest becoming dangerous, yet he always chose to fight - quite amusing, really. Manda had gotten so used to it that it took another person to remind him of it.

The stag only nodded between the sentences, showing the gray buck that he completely agreed. He had had the time to think of this, but the anxiety he felt when he thought of the worst possible scenario always kept him from returning to it. He had no trust in himself, so it was only understandable that he couldn't trust those he loved, either - even though he lied to himself about it. But while it was understandable, that didn't mean it was acceptable. The wanderer allowed it to happen, he allowed his fears to control the words that came from his mouth whenever the subject was brought up. He was just surprised it had been so easy for the gray buck to point that out - and it felt easier now that he had done it. For the orange stag, others pointing out your weaknesses and actions felt much better than finding them yourself and making bigger numbers out of them than needed. He had always seen himself in a poor light, but others saw him from their point of view, more realistically. A part of his burden was eased, knowing that he wasn't condemned for having that weakness.

Though his muscles were still tense from hearing the words, Manda's voice wasn't quiet or weak. He didn't want to hide anything at this point, and talking to this stag might be easier than talking to those closest to him - a good starting point. "That's right, I act . Even though my old mask is gone and I can face others like this, it feels like I'm still wearing a spiritual mask - the illusion that I am as strong as they think. They do know most of my faults, but they don't know of my past. It's sometimes a lot of work, which is why I ran away, I guess." He sighed, thinking of his latest journey back home. He had assured himself that it had only been a vacation to recover from his friend's demise, but he had just been running away from his problems. How usual. The wanderer smiled to himself, amused of his own, cliche way of reacting to his relationships. "I did confess to someone in the past, and I trusted her more than I even trusted the gods. I felt as though she was the only one that could have helped me, but she's gone now. After that, I haven't been able to open my mouth." Talking about Camomille was easier now than it had been just a few months ago, but it still brought a grim expression to the stag's scarred face. The doe had been his light, and she felt like the only one he ever trusted with all his heart. Although, back then had the wanderer's heart been much more whole than now.

To heal...

The orange stag wondered if he'd ever fully recover from her death, and it was not his goal, either. Healing would come in its own time once he was ready, and he didn't care if it'd take more months or even years to achieve that state. The stag wasn't even sure what was considered a "fully healed" individual - did it mean he would learn to let it go, to forgive himself, to not think about her all the time, or to not see her in his dreams? What Zash meant by it, the wanderer didn't know, but he really appreciated the gray buck's gesture not to ask any more questions of the matter. The orange stag would have been able to answer unlike before, but it didn't mean it got any less harder to do. He just ended up nodding, not capable of facing the other one just yet. Sorrow was too close to his heart and he needed to push it away for the time being. The time and chance for crying had been over a long time ago.

He chuckled a little at Zash's last sentence - not because Manda didn't take it seriously, but because words made it sound so easy. It was always easier to say things out loud or to think about doing them than actually getting it done, and what made it all the more amusing for the stag was the fact that the 'action' itself was just talking. As if talking would require any physical trouble for him - yet in all seriousness, it was probably harder than any battle he'd fought in the past. Because he'd have to face himself from the past once more, to defeat him and finally bury him under the mud. "I know, it would be the right thing to do." He finally sighed, gaze following a bird that had just landed on one of the trees near the biggest rock in the playground. Most of the Forest birds had begun to move back from the South, and spring would be their time to go about their way and find the love they'd hopefully keep for the rest of their lives. The orange stag was sure that it would have all been different, should Camomille still walk the path of the living. She had given the stag courage, confidence and forgiveness when he had needed it most, and Manda was sure that he would have easily preached about his experiences with her having his back. But alas, the world didn't work that way, and he needed to stop dreaming. Camomille was dead, and the stag would just have to learn to stand on his own legs and finally let go of everything he had done in the past. Again, an easy thought, but impossible to do for a weakling like him.

"Weren't you afraid when you saw - me back then?" The question suddenly escaped the stag's mind, and he was referring to the time when his candles had lost their light. He knew it was a silly question, considering the size difference between the two and the fact that Manda resembled a bear rather than a deer, but that was not his point. Perhaps he'd need to be a little more specific. "I mean - when you saw my face, how did it make you feel? What did you think?" He was a little embarassed to ask, but this could prove to be crucial information for him. Although Alastair and Zash had both been in immediate danger back then, neither of them had backed away, nor did they even panic. The orange stag needed to know the thoughts behind such selfless confidence. If he'd know how others seeing him at his worst made them feel, perhaps he'd learn the right way to approach others about the subject.

The stag waited patiently for Zash's reply, as he still followed the bird's movements. He was reminded of the time when they had been brave enough to sit on his crown - until that year had happened. Even after Manda had been freed from his hatred towards everything weaker than himself, the forest birds hadn't returned to watch the sunrise with him. They didn't exactly avoid him or fear him, but they kept their distance - like they didn't know whether to classify the wanderer as a friend or an enemy. They had known all those things he had done, the smell of the blood on his old antlers had never worn off enough for them not to know the stink. The orange stag really hoped that the birds would return to rest on his head once his antlers had grown full again, fresh and free of unneccessary violence. He'd show them that it was safe now.

The answer received left the stag as puzzled as the other one was, or more..surprised. Manda still remembered the look others had given him when he had walked through the Forest in his adolescent years, how he had enjoyed the terror in their faces as he walked by. Even some of the adults had looked away. If Zash and Alastair hadn't been frightened, then that must have meant that the situation hadn't been nearly as bad as it had been back then, it meant that he had still had a heart and a conscience to follow. The situation hadn't been hopeless.
The stag sighed, feeling a little nauseous digging back to his past memories. It ended a long time ago, he reminded himself, slowly breathing deep to calm himself down, Remember who you are now. He turned to face Zash again, his breathing a little tense, but he smiled at the other buck. "Thank you for understanding. I know I've already said it, but you really saved me back there. You really did." You probably helped me more than even I can understand, He added to himself, not wanting to think of the horrors that could have happened should he have continued that path. He quickly pushed those thoughts away, and tried to return to the moment. There were treasures today he had sworn to protect, there were those who held him dear, and he had a purpose. He wasn't ashamed to be alive and standing here, and that was something he needed to remind himself of whenever his thoughts turned grim. He had the right to breathe. "I know I'm probably praising you more than I need to, but it's not everyday I meet such kindness. You didn't even know me, yet you decided to take your time to check if I was okay." He smiled his awkward smile, a little embarassed to say that - but the other buck needed to know what he had done. Even little actions could save someone's life. The Forest needed more people like that.

"The thing is, it's not safe for me to 'let steam go', as you put it. That's what I thought I was doing when I was younger, but the truth is I just enjoyed to see that I caused them suffering. I was obsessed with the pain others felt, and felt glad that it was me who caused it. " It was a surprise how easily the words came from his mouth - he had truly gained some confidence since he had abandoned the need to wear a mask in the company of others. Though he still felt anxious over the feeling of the sadistic thoughts returning, he didn't have any trouble speaking of it. He trusted the gray buck. "The problem with me is that I don't know where to stop. I just try to avoid becoming angry altogether, as I'm not sure how much self-control I have left. That's why I asked what you felt - if there was a desire to hurt others written all over my face." Manda knew that the sadistic need to benefit from the misery of others existed deep in him, but it hadn't show its ugly face in years, and if it hadn't returned on the day his candles had burned out, then perhaps that Manda would never show its presence around him again. But that didn't mean that it wasn't there, lodged deep in his stomach. The earthly desire to be the superior that the stag had promised the Gods to abandon.

He wasn't sure what to expect after his confession - would Zash be surprised, shocked, offended? The wanderer hadn't originally intended to just blurt out his own sins like that, but he felt as if he had needed to. Zash needed to know why it had been so important that he had been there that day - and that meant that the wanderer needed to be painfully honest about it. He would have been rude not to admit it after how the gray buck had guided him. The orange stag felt as if the other needed to know, as if he'd understand where he came from. Deep in his heart, the stag knew that to be just an illusion his mind had created to gather up the courage to speak, but he didn't mind. Zash deserved to know why it had been so bloody important. The bull didn't know of any better way to express his gratitude - his life had truly been saved. His soul and heart were whole once more, connected together in one united, breathing being.

Manda wouldn't have been surprised if the younger buck had just stood up quietly and left, and he wouldn't have blamed the gray for that. He had seen it happen before - after he had completely lost it, Camomille had done just that. After hitting him with her forehead, she had turned her back on him and left. All because the orange stag had been stupid enough to not listen what she had to say. Because he always had to believe that he had been right. Yet he couldn't have been more wrong. She had offered him her help, but he had turned her away, and then he had blamed her later for turning her back on him. Today was different, sure, but the worry still lingered. What would the gray buck do? Would Manda be mature enough to listen now, if he spoke? You'll never know unless you stay still and calmly find out. True - he needed to trust the gray buck and give him a chance. If he had wanted to run away from him, he would have done it a few weeks ago. Besides, it was too late to go back now, he had already said it. And quite easily, too.

It turned out that the conversation was allowed to continue for now.

The orange stag flinched slightly at the strong word. "Desire." He knew that was the correct word for it, but hearing someone else utter that same sin out loud made the orange stag cringe. He didn't like the sound of it, after all. "Your..brother? What did he do?" The wanderer tilted his head to the side, fully able to face the gray buck once more. He didn't like the quiet voice of the other one, and wondered if he had said too much - he didn't want to provoke anything unpleasant in the other one's head. He didn't want to cause any more trouble than he already had. He had already disturbed the peace once, and he didn't know how to forgive himself if he offended the other one somehow. Manda needed to prove he was different than his old self, now that the confession was out, anyway.

The last question after the silence hit its mark. The wanderer had been afraid that he'd be dropped that question sooner or later. Did he really look like that? Was it the scars? Was it his eyes that made the gray one ask that? The stag wasn't sure. He just didn't want Zash to run away from him, when he was in no danger. Not anymore. The orange stag stood up with a quick push with his legs, and turned away for a moment. The pain in his chest was something he didn't want to show in this situation - he needed to prove he was stronger than that. "No." He replied clearly, his ears sadly drawn to the back of his neck. "Never. The day I acquired these scars was the day I swore to change. After I saw how I had become.. I knew it needed to stop. I needed to stop. And I did." He turned to look at the gray stag once more, a tired smile adorning his rough face. "The Gods showed me a better path, and I have stayed on it." He slightly nudged at the leathery bag that he was carrying on his shoulders - one fattened with all the plants that were contained in it. And using those plants to heal was something the stag could be proud of.

Hey! Your request is done! I hope you like it <3

"It's okay; it wasn't my place to mention it. But he's about your color, fluffy, with wings and an owl face. Amber eyes, and short black horns. His name's Akhen." he murmured quietly, responding to the male's earlier comment. He chuckled at the bull's next few words. "Maybe they did. But okay, I'll keep that in mind. It means a lot to me to know that," his smile returned, "and if you need anything too, just come find me. Okay?" He sized him up for a second, not sure if Manda'd let him hug him or not. Most weren't the hugging type...or they were like his brother who desperately wanted closeness like that but never acted like they did. "You look like you need a hug." he decided before limping the space between them to mostly rest his neck against the bull's.

The gray buck shifted back a little to catch the smile on his face. Ah, good. He liked hugs. They'd get along just fine then. At the pride comment he couldn't help but laugh. "Pride? I've almost forgotten that word." He shook his head, chuckling. He had to all but abandon that word for the sake of protecting himself from embarrassment. Didn't mean he didn't have pride...just didn't have much of it. "Though, yeah...yeah of course. If I need any help with anything, I'll come your way. That's what friends do." He smiled back, "I'm very glad to have met you too, Manda." He glanced around for a moment, thinking it was time for him to go, or...well...stay. Depended on a few things...

"...Well...I should probably go check on my family..." a pause as he regarded him with a smile, "Great talking to you though, I'll see you around?"

♥ Awe, same here! These cute little interactions make my heart happy.

Yo.

If you want, I can update the coding I made for you a while back and make it less finicky.

~Track~♥
Should have done this a long time ago. X3 :3