Memories and Perspective [For Nayu | Critique Welcome]

... Yeah, lame title.

Anyway, for Nayu, from this. It's the child's POV one.

This was all so I could practise my writing skills! Critque is welcome! I'm trying to improve!
All under the cut =)

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I stared at it.

It stared at me.

I used to be fearful of the creature, after it had injured me. I don't remember much of the icident other than the pain and the fear and the white scars I now bear on my forearms. However, we had both grown older, more mature.

It moved close to me, pushing it's head into my hands and kneading my lap. Both were a sensation. Not a thought, a sensation. The tiny pin pricks of claws in my legs and the ripple of muscle and bone coated in luxuriously smooth fur. Mmm... An extremely pleasing sensation.

My hand continued to run the length of the animal's body as my head rolled back and I took a deep breath. The dust motes in the air spun into a frenzy, disappearing and reappearing again and again as they moved in and out of the shadows the blinds created. An awe inspiring and beautiful dance lulling me into a somewhat hypnotic state.

I closed my eyes and let all tension flow out of me. The cat still rested on my legs, eyes half closed, relaxing along with me. I could feel the barely audible purr thrum through it's body, a steady rhythm that oozed a sense of security.

I took another deep breath, this time tasting the air, letting it roll around my mouth. A damp, musky flavour with the sweetness of subtle perfume laced throughout. My tongue dried out a little. Mmm... Inexplicably wonderful.

My mind wandered, the action of stroking never ceasing for a secon. The perfume. The dust. The cat. I slipped into my ever flowing stream of thoughts, my eyes glazing over. I was whisked away, never slowing. The perfume. The dust. The cat.

Mermories. That's what came to me when I surfaced, coughing and spluttering from the rapids that made up my river of thoughts.

My earliest memory was that of joyous calm. A holiday to a beach - I don't remembr where. It was a cloudy day, the tide had gone out and the sea's sounds were throbbing at the edge of my senses. And there, half sunk in teh sand was a stone. It too was wet, the liquid making it shiny. I was squatting beside it, transfixed. Grains of sand had got caught in my hair and on my skin.

It was more of a pebble, really, obdisian black flecked with white. The light reflecting off it only intensified it's darkness. It was the odd one out, surrounded by millions of miniscule yellow and brown rocks. Like a familiar face in a crowd of strangers.

Just before the memory faded, my head rose to greet a view of the ocean far in the distance. The clouds parted just a tiny bit and the sun shone down on the water. It shone like glass and the lights danced on the surface like glitter. I stopped breathing for a second as I looked at it. Awe inspiring and beautiful. Something I would never forget so long as I lived.

then when the blackness decended, my whole body jerked. The cat hissed pitifully and leapt from my legs to the floor. I let out a small laugh before I notice something.

There, sitting on the mantle was a stone. More of a pebble really, obdisian black flecked with white.
quadraptor's picture

I really like how this has

I really like how this has started, much like being in a trance with a flurry of thoughts and visions. I can't wait to see what you write next!
wingeddeer's picture

Great use of words to capture

Great use of words to capture the moment.I find this intrestign and beautifull <3


Pegasicorn's picture

I love the way you described

I love the way you described everything. =]

This is nice; I enjoy that

This is nice; I enjoy that the identity of the creature isn't known til later. This is a good choice as it helps create an air of mystery. The only mistake I spot is at the start of your third line "I used to fearful of the creature, after it had injured me." should be changed to "I used to be fearful of the creature..."
Nayu's picture

;_;, I only just saw this,

;_;, I only just saw this, thank you so much Blu, it's beautiful so far, I'm impatient to read what you'll come up with next.

Siggy by Butterbrot <3

Sorry it took so long guys -

Sorry it took so long guys - I actulally fell ill (I won't go into details but it involves me throwing up in teh first aid office ^^")

Anyway this will be kinda rushed because I have to get off the computer now but thank you all for the kind words! And Tera, I've put the missing words in! Thank you for noticing =)

So... Here you go Nayu! I hope you like it Smiling