The Meeting part 2 (english version, this time, and shame is almost killing me because of my horrible translation)

Balkis's picture
(If you have suggestions for better translation... tell me please...)


“Do you know who the god is that carved the rock near which you're lying?" whispered Sinân to Chaman. And as he did not answer, she continued: “Tears are constantly flowing from his eyes, although he is always smiling. He is the Creator, the One-who-has-no-name.” Then the fawn asked the goddess: “Mother of Knowledge, what did He create?” And the Goddess, flying and twinkling around his nuzzle, answered: “Nothing less than the World and all the stars that surround it! All the gods are His children, and each being received life from Him. “And how did He create them?” Asked the fawn. “And why is He crying, though he seems so happy?” And Sinân ” I’ll tell you all, because His creation makes him sometimes laugh and sometimes cry, and it’s with his tears that He has kneaded the first creatures”. And Chaman, more and more astonished said: “And how did He do that?”
“In the Beginnings, said Sinân, there was no day, and the Creator was wandering in the darkness, alone and sad, until he shed two tears on the ground. And the tears became mud, and with this mud, He created two noble and powerful beings, two deer with huge antlers. Then He blew in their mouth, and gave them life. When He saw them running and jumping, he rejoiced and smiled for the first time.”
Then Shaman asked: "And what happened to the deer then? Because they had nothing to do in the great empty spaces of Beginnings ... "
"They fought. Replied Sinan. And their battle was so violent that they killed each other, flooding the soil with their blood and leaving their wonderful antlers planted in the earth. Then the Creator looked upon the corpses, and he repented of having created so beautiful creature to see them die in such a short time. This was the second time that He wept.”
“How unfortunate it is that the beginnings were marked by such a loss.” Saddened the fawn and he bowed his head, a light misting his eyes. Seeing this, Sinan admonished him: 'Do not cry as an ignorant, although your youth is your excuse, for what the great loss you’re talking about gave way to an even greater miracle. Indeed, the four antlers planted into the earth soon gave birth to four shrubs, which then became four huge trees, whose branches extended over the whole universe. And they gave many fruits, which were as many worlds, and among these worlds, there was Earth, with its islands and seas, mountains and valleys in which you and your people live. Then the fawn said: "Seeing these shimmering worlds hanging on the branches of the Sacred Trees, the joy of the first of the gods had to compensate for the loss he suffered at the start.” And Sinan continued:
"Yes, and then He gave each tree a name: The one who was facing him, he called it " North ", and this was a pine tree. The one on his left, he called it "West" and this one was a plane tree. The one which was on His right, he called it "East", and it was a birch. And for the one which grew on his back and wich was an oak tree, he called it "South". After that, the Creator went in search for the pieces of the deer’s antlers that the harshness of the battle made incandescent; and He picked them up, then turning around seven times around the four trunks, He threw them above his head, and thus were created the stars. "
Then Shaman asked: "And how did the Creator make the Moon and the Sun?"
And Sinan replied: "Of the two dead deer He withdrew the eyes, and he made four luminaries: Then He installed two of them in the Sky, and two of them in the Underworld, and made them as leaders of the day and night. Therefore, in any world there is no lack of light or heat. "

GingerNut's picture

Ooh, I was wondering what it

Ooh, I was wondering what it was about :3
Your english is quite good, actually. A few errors, but that's completely understandable
A good job on the story too, granted, I didn't read the first part (which I'll do now), but for what I see here, you're very good ^^
Balkis's picture

That's very nice of you,

That's very nice of you, really! Smiling
I'm glad you can read it without asking to yourself: "heyyy what is he talking about???".
In fact, I wanted to write a story on the forum, because I had ideas , and I wanted to share it ... But the french version is (in my opinion) incomparable with that one...
If you have advices to better the "elegance" of that text, please tell me!
Tell her to find me an acre of land
Parsley sage Rosemary and thyme
Between the salt water and the sea strand...
ocean's picture

Ah, enchanting.

Ah, enchanting. <3 Love it. These tales are very nice to read-- they have an "old" feel to them.
I only spotted a few mistakes! Very legible.

A few things I caught:
"And as he did not answered" should be "And as he did not answer".

The question in the beginning is a bit odd in phrasing.
“Do you know who is the god carved on the rock near which you’re lying?” to maybe "Do you know who the god is that carved the rock near which you're lying?"

Also, this sounds a bit odd: "'Do not cry as an ignorant". Maybe..."Do not cry because you are ignorant", though that loses a bit of the meaning. :/

"And how the Creator made the Moon and the Sun?" Might want to rephrase it to "And how did the Creator make the Moon and the Sun?"

Oh! And the plural of deer is deer. x3

There are a few other things that sound vaguely odd, but they could be just as easily left as changed. :3
Sorry about all the nitpicking. ^^; Hope it helps.
Balkis's picture

I corrected all the things

I corrected all the things you have noticed for me, thank you Laughing out loud
Tell her to find me an acre of land
Parsley sage Rosemary and thyme
Between the salt water and the sea strand...