10-05-17 =
- Crept on Tristan. Sat by a tree just behind the tree Tristan was sitting at, staring creepily at his back. See, this way he isn't feeling like he's invading Tris' space, but can totally convince himself he is being friendly and sociably acceptable, even though he an't. Tristan didn't seem to mind though.
- Fell asleep and awoke much later, Tristan having left. After getting a drink at the pond creeped on a few herds. Everyone was still and quiet. Settled on a hill in the birch alone, slept more.
- Wandered around more and that was when he noticed Jonah sleeping in a small pile with those he didn't recognize. Crept on Jonah and co' by sitting at a near by tree. May have fell alseep again...
- Awoke to a fawn sitting at his side. Greeted the fawn and played with them for a good while. The fawn decided to greet Pagan and Ciel. Just kinda stared awkwardly at the two. Realized the fawn slipped away and quickly bailed himself. So.... awkward...
- Yet again slinked behind the tree near where Jonah and his company slept like a complete creeper. Kozan's sorry he just has no life.

10-04-17 =
- Found a sleeping Jasta and didn't have the heart to wake her. Sat near by instead hoping to greet her when she awoke. Fletcher found him however, Kozan being pleasantly surprised to be noticed especially when The Sunset wasn't even creepy hovering that Kozan do and followed Fletcher to his herd. Returned a greeting from Greitai before settling down with the herd.
- Dozed a bit since it was relatively quiet this evening until he noticed a one Jonah joining the circle though on the other side across from him. Debated on moving closer though felt anxious about moving such a distance with such a large crowed, certain he would be judged for it. If not by Jonah himself than by one of the others surely. Fidgeted on and off, even at one point debated on leaving the herd as his discomfort grew. Was granted relief when Jonah moved to his side on his own. Felt a spark of guilt, though even he wasn't exactly sure why. For making his acquaintance move... or feeling glad that he did? Was content enough though.
- The quiet was disturbed by a stranger that seemed to make both Fletcher's and another herd that was near by uncomfortable. Then the stranger dashed through Fletcher's herd. Nearly bolted himself but stood his ground by Jonah's side, not quite sure what was going on but unwilling to abandon his companion. Watched as a scuffle broke out that escalated into a few others from both herds joining in. Stayed out of it though nearly had a heart attack when Jonah ran in to throw a few punches. Dude, no, do you even know what's happening? Don't get yourself hurt over it... Kozan doesn't want to loose the first almost friend he's made since Twin Gods knows how long! Relieved when the stranger left, the individuals involved from both herds patted each other on the back, and everything settled back down.
- Was roused from his dozing when Jonah stirred. Much play and chasing and all around good time followed. Ended up at the lake and after splashing around a while settled in the shallows to catch their breath. As they rested contemplated on the fact that he couldn't quite remember the last time he had fun like that... or the last time he really laughed. Felt the itching in the back of his mind, a quiet threat to his good mood but shoved it back, desperate to hold onto this contentment for a while longer. Bid Jonah goodnight when he rose to depart before Kozan slipped off to his own resting spot.

10-02-17 =
To put it simply was brought up to high spirits and feeling very social considering all the positive interactions he has been faced with. Feeling drawn to several individuals that he is beginning to see regularly and though still hesitant to engage at first is becoming comfortable, more or less, around them. On a positivity high that he is determined to hold onto for as long as his mind will allow him.

10-01-17 =
- Awoke and wandered, ended up between a pair on a hill and a herd in a flower patch that suddenly got up and seemed to stare at him. Internally panicked at first and nearly bolted out of there. What did I do wrong? QQ But then Qaazi approached to greet him. Was certainly nervous, the guy sure is big. Quickly warmed up however as the rhino and his herd encouraged him animatedly to join them. Was then presented flowers by Qaazi and although Kozan realized each member of the herd received such felt immensely appreciative of the gesture. Felt pretty welcomed and comfortable amongst the group and recognized a few judges and wildcards that were there and joined them later. Despite a few good scuffles that were enjoyable to watch and having lost some of the herd's company stuck with the rhino multiple times.
- A bit later noticed Jonah in the distance remembering him clearly from yesterday. Tempted at first to go out to him but allowed his insecurities to win over and stuck close to his current herd that felt more like a sure thing, perhaps hoping a little that the Shifter would approach the herd on his own. Disappointed to watch him skirt around the herd and leave out of sight. Surprised when Jonah reappeared some time later after Qaazi finished a scuffle with another competitor. Took his time to congratulate the competitor and Qaazi on a good fight before turning his attention on where the Shifter hovered at a distant tree. Tried to make up his mind on if he should approach the guy or hide amongst the crowd but finally allowed Qaazi to win the war in Kozan's head for him. Was pleased after greeting the Shifter that Jonah was accepted amongst the herd. Sat with him if a bit awkwardly, because Zan really don't know you well but let me scoot closer and hi. Is this how make friends?

09-30-17 =
- Hovered near a couple of herds and charmed by a cute kid (I forgot the name :/ ) before joining Firyn's herd. Impressed by the little guy's skill and affectiveness despite his small size. Decided he may learn something by watching him for a while. Met several Judges under his watch. Got some grooms along with the other Judges. Thanks dude.
- After Firyn left followed the other Judges and Wildcards to another herd. Hesitantly integrated though was encouraged by several of the Judges, grateful for their kindness. Particularly felt comfortable with Rae's attentiveness. Might be inclined to seek her out in the future. Greeted others that joined the mixmatch herd.
- Watched as one of the Competitors of the herd, Ronra, scuffled with Tristan. Allowed his curiosity to rule over and followed Tristan's group. Was eventually invited over by Jonah. Slowly became relaxed in the group, feeling most welcomed by Jonah and Artillery Jane, and even played and danced with them. May keep an eye on both in the future.
- Screw you, Rook. You tell me to make friends then try to start something when I do. :/ No, bro, get lost.
- After keeping Jonah company alone for a while Tristan returned and then sudden explosion of people! At first enjoyed all the romping and play (and I can't keep up with who is who!) but felt suddenly overwhelmed in the crowed and retreated away from the group to a near by tree. At first was anxious when Mirah approached to sit with him while he was still in overload but warmed to the company, soon welcoming of the company of a few others as well.

04-05-17 =


10-31-17 =
A lot happened between when Kozan was last seen in the forest and today. Updates maybe later. However, most recently was completely rude and ditched Jonah when a group of Jonah's friends came to say hi. Pathetic personal reasons but Kozan says not to bore you with the details. Easily slipped away into hiding thanks to boxed Gen5s.

08-10-17 =
"I'm certain you wouldn't remember me, Wolf, a child amongst the chaos you caused. But I remember you, very clearly. The days when you would stalk us, when you would hunt and hurt those I cared for. I remember the days you would clash tines with Atar and Lucian. I was but a fawn at the time, perhaps a teen the last few times... but I remember. It is refreshing, to be the one at your heels, while you limp and throw threats. I am not so helpless anymore..."
"A part of me also feels... kind of sad, seeing you like this. You seem so small, despite still being larger than I. I remember back than you seemed larger than life, a living nightmare, a horror to respect and fear. The boogieman hiding under the bed... Now... I don't really know how to feel about you. I think, seeing you again, it all is more numbing than anything. As with Reed, as with Stella... A longing, a deep melancholy perhaps... I really can't describe it satisfyingly enough. Perhaps it is simply because you are lamed at the time. You will heal, become the beast that can hold its own again. Maybe then you will be the monster I remember. Will I dread it? Or will the familiarity be comforting in it's own strange way? There are things I fear much more now than I ever feared of you..."

Desperate for any other presence that didn't involve known dangerous psychopaths stole some of Dáire's company a couple of times in the evening wether the other wanted it or not. Sorry, Dáire, socializing like a normal person just isn't how Kozan do, instead he take it like a frickin' thief. Content that Dáire didn't just run him off and took the chance to soak in the time allowed him, feeding the starved side of him that longed for any sort of connection. Staved off the building discomfort that usually sent him packing for as long as he could before leaving the Scarabaeus to bed down in solitude for the rest of the night.

07-03-17 =
Fuming a bit about the fact that Rook still has yet to release him from the binding that keeps him trapped in The Forest. Though his life in the other world has gone to shit still has responsibilities that keep him housed and fed and worries about loosing the shithole he had secured himself. Not to mention beginning to worry about a few people that will question his disappearance. The kind of people and interrogations that may land him in a gutter somewhere.

During his extended stay has begun to notice the rise in orphan fawns and other young creatures within The Forest. Tentatively reaching out to a few of these lone children. Knows on a personal level what it feels like to be a child alone in The Endless Forest and lost in the system of another world. Noticed too how some of these children are getting more attention from the Forest Inhabitants than others. Bitterly remembers the failure of such a social structure and begrudgingly accepts the fact that is how the world works for an orphan, especially when their numbers rise. However, rebelling against these facts by turning his attention towards the ones more isolated and lost in the sea of faces. Though would not turn away any of the orphans is more likely to approach those more often left without care or support. Still feels as inapt as ever, as he really does not know how to care for children, but is willing to try to be at least somewhat useful to them.

06-20-17 =
After waking to snowfall was hit with sudden melancholy. Headed straight for the Old Oak finding it relatively vacant with one exception, though thankfully on the opposite side that The Sunset wished to visit. Settled within a specific nook in the tree and allowed himself to sink into dazed remembrance. Though the memories that were brought by the snow and location were mostly unpleasant reveled in the fact that there was something to even remember and gravely feared of forgetting the experience.
Recalled the days he healed there, as well as the event that lead to him being severely hurt in the first place. Still can not forget Reed's involvement and the feelings of betrayal. Recalled having feared the stag when they first met, when Kozan was merely a fawn, and reminisced of how he grew to trust Reed before the incident.
Questioned if his irrational social fears were really as irrational as he believed. Perhaps they had merit, after all those that betray and forget, both that which involved himself and those that he merely observed from a distance. Loyalty seemed such a fickle thing despite the word itself having stood for solidity. The word thrown around carelessly by many and yet none that used it seemed to even understand what it meant.
Longed for more than his lethargic musings but lacked the motivation and spirit for anything else.

06-18-17 =
Tried to be sociable today despite still having an ugly headache from the other day, in fact used the pain as a distraction from his anxieties. Failed miserably. Even after getting some reactions to his curiosity and some awkward (and distant) greetings from some individuals, still could not stand the sinking and nauseous feelings for more than a moment. Tried desperately to be polite and apologetic after leaving individuals each time but later cursed himself, certain he made a fool of himself.
Late in the evening went to Red Hill to sit at his usual haunt to find Rossamund at the tree Kozan normally would reside beside. Being the second time he greeted the other stayed courteous. Used to sharing the tree with past, older deer though would have liked to have had the comforts and memories it brought at that moment. Instead of leaving the hill as he normally would when it was occupied by others decided to settle down at a near by tree, as long as Rossamund seemed content to allow him. Felt a little less lonely with the distant company though kept withdrawn and silent.

06-17-17 = After finding out that Rook had sealed him within the forest retaliated by doing the complete opposite of what The Chariot asked; isolating himself as deep inside the forest as possible. Took the time to brood over many things and agonizing over the fact that he had no way of getting to the only things that relieved him of his anxieties and loneliness. Decided when next he'd see Rook he'd kick him squire in the face.

Did just that. Of course, being a bit less versed in fighting in the forest than within the Awaken World got the ever living crap beaten out of him for it. After the small scuffle flopped down by The Chariot's side and had a short talk. Was informed that Rook had everything prepared for both their "changes" to be more permanent.
Followed Rook to the selected location and went through the possess. Exhausted and sporting a raging headache, sat with Rook for quite a while. Before leaving for the night asked The Chariot to teach him later on how to fight more efficiently with antler and hoof as well as a few magic tricks. Once he received the promise of lessons disappeared into the deepest parts of the forest to rest.

05-21-17 = Long story short, was found by Rook back in a world outside The Forest while unconscious from an accidental (and thankfully minor) substance incident. After coming to was bombarded by curses and what sounded more like threats than anything. After he finally pulled his thoughts together apologized and insisted that it was an accident. Assured The Chariot that he was far too much of a coward to actually mean anything like that, at least not to the point of loosing his life.
Despite just wanting to sleep engaged in a lengthy conversation with The Crumbling Ruin. Was truthfully agitated by Rook's insistence on Kozan "making new connections", something The Sunset finds very difficult. Even his usually brief visitations with Rook was taxing and not because Kozan wants to be alone but the fact that social situations were just extremely stressful for him for multiple reasons. Bit his tongue when Rook pointed out a few things that hit home and was very accurate but too embarrassed to admit anything. At some points did argue the opposite, even if they were indeed true.
Near the end of it all was rather surprised when The Chariot began to share some things. Never considered Rook to be the type of person to freely say things like that about themself but was, for the lack of a better word, honored by the fact he did and with him who Rook still did not know so well. Wanted to thank him for the confidence but felt ashamed for feeling grateful for such darker information.
After The Chariot refused to leave Kozan alone so he could just sleep Rook insisted that they go into The Forest and only then would he leave him in peace. Agreed, not yet realizing that Rook was a jerk and maybe a bit of a mother hen and now might be trapped in The Forest for a bit.

05-16-17 = Awoke into the forest to another down pour. Displeased to say the least. Headed straight to Rook who was resting at his usual place. Had a small discussion. Satisfied enough and left to find shelter from the rain, again finding the usual spots taken. Is it just him or has The Forest gotten more crowded? Watched Rossamund try to climb The Ruins for a bit before heading off and finding a drier spot beneath a willow tree. Was hit by a spark of nostalgia when the location, weather, and the tree he rested under combined reminded him of Willow Leaf. Mulled over his mistakes and time wasted, wondering what could have been had he not been the coward that he was then and may always be.
Was shook from his daydream when he noticed someone was behind him, staring. Stood and turned to find Reed watching him. Admittedly was nervous but considering their last meeting was positive drew tentatively closer. Allowed Reed to close the space between them and nearly broke under the overwhelming emotions. Can never forget what had happened in the past and the lingering fear in his heart but desperate for the familiarity and attention.
"Ironic, isn't it, Reed? Of all those I've cared about, you are the one that remains, the one that remembers me... Please, don't make me regret letting you close again. ...I've missed you."

05-02-17 = Kozan had always hated the rain, even as a fawn. Sought out shelter and spying on a few individuals along the way. Found the driest of places (Old Oak, Playground slanted rock, ruins) occupied and some by individuals that were involved in the bad situation days before so avoided the locations mindfully. Flopped down as a soggy mess beneath a small tree and not at all pleased with the arrangement.

Watched Roanen be an idiot. Wasn't keen on jumping into another fight, still sore from last time. Left him to his own devices even as he began to draw a crowd. Debated seriously, weighing the facts that he really didn't know the guy and couldn't care less what happened to him yet on the other hand the guy did defend Stella and seemed to know her. Made his decision when Roanen seemed to try backing down but others kept at him. Mostly tried to block the way to the retreating Roanen, attempting to avoid actual conflict and clashing tines (or teeth and claws as the case may be). Fled when directly attacked, though at one point, as some big cat dude was obviously trying to keep him busy, got up in his face. Stared at him for a moment before turning away.

Losing sight of Roanen, and what seemed like a pack of rabid dogs to Kozan, decided a dry place to rest would be more favorable than hunting the chaos down. Was found at the Playground rocks and attacked by a large wolf beast (Insert Vasla Flash backs here). Fled at first but occasionally turned to jab sharp tines at the slobbery monster though mostly did what he could to dodge it's jaws rather than risk injury just to get a hit in. Was ?aided? by the cat from earlier and took the chance to slip away.

Settled wet and miserable at Red Hill where he could see clearly any unwelcoming approaches and approached he was. Though most were surprisingly none threatening. Was first greeted by a female lynx (?Lebannen?), one of which he noted earlier to be on what seemed friendly terms with Roanen. Appreciated the greeting though he was still leery of her and kinda may have unintentionally been rude (?my Twin Gawds what are social skills?). Was then stared at by the sloppering wolf creature from before (Rom). Stared back, ready to fight or flight, until it left. Was also approached by ?Saturn? and Ross and still not sure what to do or say because we were just opposite sides and how is be social.

Somewhere in the middle of those visits was approached by the big brown cat yet again (Daire). Was informed about some unsavory information about Roanen which gave him pause. Still, he can not be fully certain if what the feline said was true as he did not know any of these individuals. Though now Kozan felt a building concern for Stelmaria's well being even in the company he originally thought her ally, not that he had any business in her life anymore but still.

Still doesn't know a single one of you guys' names. But, you know, flying blind now-a-days is how Kozan rolls.

04-28-17 = "You are right about one thing, Rook. I am not the child I use to be. I am not the frightened fawn that fled at every shadow that moved, I am not that little boy that waited year after year to be the one picked and brought home."

"You are not completely different neither. Your fears may not be in the same form as they once were but they have matured and mutated. Still, they are different. I do not believe you are represented as clearly now."

"With my mind clear, with my mind able to hold two worlds like it does now... I am different. I want to start over."

Was helped by The Chariot's growing magic to manifest a new representing symbol. Took the memory of a beloved fawnhood hero and brought up a pictogram in his mind that is distorted and faded from time. Though it isn't exactly like his old mentor and father figure's has hopes this new "name" and symbol will bring him strength and courage. As well as a chance to begin a new life.

((Kozan will have a pictogram change once it has aged to an adult. His old pictogram will be saved and may be used in the future. This bio' will be kept here. His new pictogram shall be this here .))

04-21-17 = Was visited by Rook. Had a conversation with him that left a bad taste in his mouth. Grateful for all that The Chariot has done for him in the recent past, however Kozan is finding that they do not exactly see eye to eye. Refused Rook's offer to patch him up, please don't touch me.

04-20-17 = Excuse me while I bleed to death after defending a woman I consider as a mother, who I haven't seen in years and who most likely doesn't even remember who I am. fml