my heart is gold but my hands are cold ; naoki

Disclaimer

CSS compiled by C!ssy exclusively for SingaReindeer. Javascript provided by Hraeth and fading tabs by WhenDeerAttack. Flash animation by C!ssy.

Biography and updates are subject to contain sensitive material. If things have affected or shaped my character, even if they're rough topics, they will be spoken about in this biography or in the updates section. I attempt to keep most of those topics low-key but a lot of heavier topics have effected her life that I can't avoid talking about with Naoki's updates and history. Please use discretion when reading.

Naoki is 100% IN CHARACTER and is never acted to portray the player's thoughts/actions unless stated otherwise.

RP is welcome on biography and through discord (singareindeer#5933).

Original/pelt design by Qanat! Bio art by Kalambo (dA).

"..."
PhysicalHealthy. MentalFine. EmotionalContent, happy.
NotesDefault antlers represent a mask/helmet that has antlers that Ioten had gifted to her plus usually also the antler wreath Fletcher made for her.

8/16/20

EVERYTHING IN THIS BIO is likely outdated and player will slowly update it as I get around to it but :c sobs I can't believe my bb girl turned four this year :sob: :sob:

12/26/18

A few weeks ago got invited by Raum to camp out in his homeland, to which Naoki accepted without hesitation. Helped the man pack up and get the horses ready for their ride out into the country, taking in the views one by one. Taking mental notes so she can paint out the scenes later, definitely inspired by the gorgeous countryside.

Followed Raum's lead, including once they got to the landmark he wanted to set up camp for the night with. Enjoyed the camping trip, but knew she had something heavily weighing on her mind that she needed to bring up to him. Of course waited until the LAST POSSIBLE SECOND when they were both falling asleep in their tent. Asked if he was still awake, and wasn't sure if she was relieved or more nervous when he replied he was. Grateful for the cover of the darkness to hide her blush with the topic she arose, namely asking what his feelings were towards her. It seemed obvious to her he was just as confused by it, although more so than Naoki was. But at least it validated her feelings towards him and she drew closer to him after she confessed her own views back to him. Her blush was out of this world when she asked to kiss him, filled with butterflies for the rest of the night and finding it hard to sleep even though she rested comfortably in his arms for the remainder of the night.

Then following that trip, brought Raum home to finally meet her family. Which Naoki was nervous and frantic about, but it went GUUD. Thankful for her mother's support and her younger sister's interest in Raum, beyond delighted they all got along.

Absolutely in the best mood she's been in for a long time, not just content but excited for the future and what it holds. Glad she can experience it all with Raum, even though she technically already was but now it's in a different light.

◊

9/24/18
THERE IS probably so much editing and updating I need to do to this bio but I can't.. where do i possibly begin. Relationships probably all need tweaking and I will.... one day......... but today is not that day. SIGH, bear with me

The other day finally sought out Andrei and apologize to him. Told him she didn't feel the same way he did about her and apologized if she ever gave him the impression. Was dreading this conversation, hating the idea of breaking someone's heart - even if it wasn't that serious but still he used the "love" word and she feels so bad. But it went well, beyond thankful that Andrei was so understanding and kind to her regardless of what she told him. Was able to remain on good terms and still be friends with the stag. Felt like a biG weight was lifted off her shoulders because.. she was really.. feeling.. so guilty.. for thiS. But everything was A-OKAY now.

But the next day still felt a little overwhelmed, lingering on to FEELS and went to Raum's world to groom her horse. Soon joined by the man himself, which she told him what was bothering her and then went on a TRAIL RIDE. She loves her horse sm. Feelin' better.

9/10/18
Was confessed to by Andrei today. Wasn't expecting it and completely taken aback by, withdrawing into herself and feeling guilty he had gotten that impression of her. Always felt she made her intentions known and confused as to why he told her. But he left without a chance for her to respond, which she was partially thankful for as she wasn't even sure what to think of the sudden situation. Comforted by Raum who silently did so, which Naoki was appreciative of. Didn't voice her feelings to the feline, instead sat in silence until it was time for her to take her leave. Stood and parted ways with her friend so she could return to the cottage and return to her family where she needed the reassurance from Yumi.

Upset with herself for making someone else feel what she had felt those months before.

6/4/18
Spent the past few months at the family's cabin and helping Yumama when she needs a break from the two newest members of the family, in the meantime of course adoring her new baby siblings :heart_eyes: Helping them slowly explore the outdoors as well, but only in baby (heh) steps. On the days where she's not at home though, spent the time with Raum in his world thanks to a portal key he gifted her in form of a bracelet. Explored his home world while also being taught a few of his traits (including swordsmanship and horse back riding among other things). Definitely taking the time to work on herself as well and slowly build her confidence back up, including remembering what she even stands for. Which in turn meant her taking her leave from the Forest for those few months.

Hesitantly returned to Forest upon following her family (Yumi, Engla, and Oakley) and curled close to them as she felt out of place yet oddly home at the same time. Regardless, took Engla out further into the Forest to explore which resulted in blueberry smashing and a bath in the pond. After all the antics, stopped in a flower patch her mother often frequented to decorate Engla in flowers and AFFECTION. A little while later returned Engla to Yumi in order to retreat back to the cabin for the night.

I probably have so much to update to her bio but help me I can't even begin rn..

Soul

· Moved and ruled by her compassion and empathy for others, even during the times it leads her to dangerous situations. Although has been screwed multiple times by this, if she's feeling overwhelmed can easily act selfishly and almost coldly if she's triggered (tm).

· Very open and honest, even upon first meeting can easily be dubbed as an open book. Has a tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve and easily finds the good in others if they show their kindness to her.

· Almost acts maternal towards her friends, though can be extremely picky with acting as such to fawns. To her friends, tries to look out for as best as she can; something she learned from attempting to care for her family structure.

· Emotionally unstable and unpredictable with certain touchy topics; easily triggered. Generally happens when a heavy topic is brought up that involves herself, to which she feels overwhelmed and doesn't know how to react or which emotion to identify with and hold onto which ends up in her exploding. Explodes by means of either by screaming at someone or running away, has been known to do both. In other situations, has a tendency to 'shut down' in a sense and completely isolate herself in her head.

· Has a tendency to keep unsettling topics to herself and push away the negative feelings as an attempt to hide from her problems. By doing so, only feeds to her self harming habits. If not dealt with, ends up having her feel overwhelmed over time by all the 'little things' piling up. Again, doesn't know how to handle those emotions which usually ends up her going through the process in the above bullet point.

· Depending on her mood, can be viewed as either shy and timid or open and sociable. Also depends on the setting and topic.

· Prone to panic attacks, anxiety attacks, isolating herself, and self harming habits. Also gets a stutter when she gets over emotional/crying/upset/REALLY ANY over whelming emotion.

· Even with the tendency to be hard on herself, she wants to be happy, wants to be carefree, and will usually chase the feeling or do what she can to keep it going once she has it.

· Easily influenced by others' opinions. There are some topics she takes a fierce stand in, but when it comes to things she has little experience with and lacking any wisdom in, knows it is probably best to lean on those who have more information on it rather than relying on her own ignorance. Learned the hard way and takes others' - specifically those she's close with - opinions very seriously after losing her antlers from her own ignorant actions.

· Has never been good at dealing with overwhelming feelings or even being able to process it. Has lead to very bad habits to herself during her younger years, things she silently struggles with but has never confessed it to anyone. Prefers to suffer in silence rather than coming clean about her stronger feelings or self struggles; a heavy weight she'd never want to burden anyone with.

· Anxiety-ridden. Often controls most of her decision making once she starts to worry over things. Because of this, is prone to many negative thoughts and is quick to try and push someone away if they show any signs of distance towards her.

· Gets flustered by any form of compliments about her appearance or any at all from strangers. Truly doesn't see herself as anything special to be deserving them, but on the contrary will thrive off of being praised for her actions from close ones.

· Grows clingy to those she gets attached to, also loses the idea of personal space when she gets close enough. Until that point, doesn't like anyone in her "personal bubble". Because of her own sense of personal space, tends to give others lots of space until she knows what's appropriate and what's not for them. Tries to respect other's personal bubbles.

· Drawn to masculinity of all kinds. Finds power and strength as something admirable, especially those skilled in fighting. Also drawn to those who are wounded too, whether it's from battle or not. Admires those who have such bravery.

· Slightly feral minded, though tends to more come out when around other feral deer. Inherited from her father.

· Has a huge, underlying fear of being left alone. Even in times where she wants to completely isolate herself she still ends up breaking that in order to be with others. Fears being forgotten and emotionally dependent on others, though would never admit that to herself. Deep rooted in her to want to be around others, maybe stemming from her feral roots and 'herd instincts'. Thrives with others.

Quirks

· Artistic and creative. A painter, doodler, craft making.. Knitting. If it's creating something with her hands, she's all about it. Musically driven as well, good at playing the (mostly acoustic) guitar and working on getting better at playing the piano.

· Loves old disney princess movies and can probably sing to you all the ones she knows. Especially Mulan.

· Enjoys cooking and is PRETTY DECENT AT IT.. but not a chef, or anything.

· Loves storms and rain.

· Enjoys the presence of feral deer. Finds a sort of inner calm and simplicity in it, may even adapt to their ways if she lingers in the presence of one. Probably draws out her slight-feral tendencies from her father's genes. Still has the clear ability of human-thinking, but may switch to feral instinct and responses with certain situations.

· Not a huge fan of the dark...not necessarily scared of it, but definitely uneasy of it.

· Likes to sing in general. ( singing voice ) Hums a lot too.

· Has a million filled sketch books in her room that are filled with doodles on doodles on doodles on doodles... feels a weird attachment to them, as if they were diaries. Tells a lot about herself during the days she doodles.

· Enjoys all kinds of music, though strays more towards indie.

· The family cottage links: x x. Outside: xxx.

· Her bedroom kind of reference: x

· NAOKI'S PET CHICKEN: Ella. Named after Cinderella.

Strings Blood Heart Touched Wounds

Yumi

"To my mother, I wish I could heal you in all the places that you are hurt."

Mother, life giver. An emotional support system Naoki knew she could always count on when she needed it. Loves unconditionally. Attempts to be just as loving and supportive in return to Yumi, knowing all to well her mother's fragile structure. Truly takes after her mother in many aspects, finds it easy to see how she feels the way she does about certain things. Relies on Yumi more than she even realizes, even if Naoki may take her fore-granted at some parts of her life. A fragile yet strong bond that ties her close to her mother, even if she can't truly voice how much she looks up to Yumi.

Remembered:

Azarias

"My father broke my heart long before any boy had the chance to."
Biological father. Hurt and disgust. Used to look for Azarias in every male she met while she was growing up but upon meeting him she regrets ever wasting her time and emotions on him. Completely destroyed what little self image she had at the time and left her emotionally broken but is the main cause for her beginning to grow calloused towards the harsher things of the Forest. Attempts to shake off the feelings of self-loathing he left her, even if his words still linger in the back of her mind more times than not.

Quillon
"Some souls understand each other without a word spoken."

Elder twin brother, shared heartbeat. Adored and looked up to in more ways than one. Emotionally attached to in a sense that's even hard for Naoki to explain. Understands his feelings more than any other's without him having to speak a word and shares that connection between the two. That being said, can be a total goofball with the Spirited and has a few unspoken traditions. Easily considered her 'other half' and probably the more out-going of the twins, but still many similarities in thinking can be drawn between the two.

Engla

Younger sibling, adored.

Oakley

Younger sibling, adored.

Rahal

Uncle through Yumi. Distance, fear, longing. Attempts to reach out to the male, despite having almost no good interactions with and does so secretly from her mother. Knows of the bad blood between him and her mother, yet still attempts to build a bridge to the older male in hopes some day family ties can mend.