bad believer.

Bayleen's picture
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"IN A DREAM YOU SAW A WAY TO SURVIVE AND YOU WERE FULL OF JOY"
someday ! there ! will ! be ! peace !

Happy belated birthday!!!

Happy belated birthday!!! Here is your gift:




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>8U haah I GOTS THE NEW PAGE
phantomhelsing's picture

I never tracked this because

I never tracked this because I'm terrible :9

I will add another belated happy bday~ sorry it wasn't so great :c you're too cool to have a shitty bday lol
Bayleen's picture

J!n; accepted! ; ) Feesh;

J!n; accepted! ; )
Feesh; LOL it's splendid, thank you ♥ !
Cato; D'aww thank you, heh ♥
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phantomhelsing's picture

dude. DUDE. I can see the

dude. DUDE.

I can see the same problems I had creepin up on you so lemme see if I can alleviate some of that before it drives you down the hole I ended up in lol I do not like seeing you stressed.

So let me start off with something that was imparted to me when I graduated highschool:
you don't have to go to college
there's lots of successful people who don't, it's not for everyone and it's ok for you to not be there if you don't think it's going to do anything for you, even if other people pressure you to. And from what it sounds like, what you'd like to do you'd be better served learning outside of college, or by finding a different school, There's quite a handful near me that have programs for audio production/sound design/etc, you could always chase that route. Or just go rogue and be the very best music producer, like no one ever was lol

You don't have to be a full-time student either, if there's an interesting course you want to take you can just take some without a goal to get a diploma, that's why you'll sometimes see older people in the computer class at community colleges, they just take the one course and they're done.

And the other thing I learned is, you can always come back, you don't have to get it all done in your 20s, I took plenty of classes with 30 and 40 year olds, nothing has been set in stone right now, you can always change your mind.

You can rearrange your career and education to fit your goals, you don't have to pack it all in at once, especially if it causes this much stress and uncertainty, you deserve better, give yourself the chance to make it so <3

And like, I myself went to college, because though I was pretty sure I knew what I wanted to do I didn't know where to start, I needed the physical instruction and connecting with people to teach and guide me, and the experience of being in a new place and being semi-independent was something I needed. And I don't really regret it because I have a lot of good memories from there and a lot of good friends, and I learned valuable things...but it's not a guarantee for a job or better prospects afterwards. I graduated in December of 2012, and it's July of 2017 and I still do not have a job in my field, I have been passed over and rejected more times than I can count and like you I started questioning what I'm supposed to do with my life and did I choose the right path and how the hell do I move forward...I developed death anxiety and went through a years' long depressive period I'm just barely clawing my way out of...you can still end up up shit's creek even if you get a degree, you can still end up not knowing what to do.

So if you feel a pull towards something that makes you feel fulfilled and passionate and gives you the drive to get up in the morning, chase THAT, because I guarantee you that something that gives you that much motivation will mean you will put your best work into it and m ake you WANT to work on it, an THAT'S what will help you succeed with a job. even if it doesn't happen NOW, even if you can't get to it right away, if that's what's going to give you a reason to get up in the mornings and make you happy and content to live life then aim for it. Set that goal and start getting yourself to a stable spot in your life that can help you get there. It will take some time, and it will take some effort, but it'll be worth it. Play to your strengths in whatever you do and you will be successful.

And even if someone tries to fight you on it, they honestly can't make you do anything you don't want to, even when it doesn't feel like it you always have control of you. (I've also been there with people giving advice that doesn't really solve the problem you're having, like I'm FAR from being an atheist but I'm also not devout idk what I am I just roll with it lol but when people tell me stuff like that I'm like I'm pretty sure the Big Man wouldn't want me to use him as a crutch, I'm supposed to use him as guidance not a magic "fix it" button lol. You gotta make your own way, there's tons of parables where people are sent guidance or opportunities but they still have to be the ones to choose to use them, so people trying to pass that off as something that will just magically help you tend to piss me off. I'm like dude I don't even know where I stand except for "not atheist" and I clearly am better at theology, try again |D lol sorry for losing the plot there, it's a pet peeve because I'm just like THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT MEEEEEANS)

Right now it's hard and it's stressful, and it might be for awhile, but it doesn't last, and you are NEVER stuck. You can always change your mind and you can always come back, and you don't have to know what to do with yourself RIGHT NOW. Find your passions and chase them because that's what you'll be the best at, but just take care of yourself so that you can chase them.

At the end of the day you only have yourself to answer to, nobody else, so be your best you! <3
Basen's picture

MINE - ROLLS IN HERE

MINE - ROLLS IN HERE
Bayleen's picture

CATOOO I want to print out

CATOOO
I want to print out your comment and frame it somewhere in my house because AH I really enjoyed reading your perspective. just. tHANk YOU.
[sent you a slightly more coherent response on Discord lmao]
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sending you all the love and

sending you all the love and warmth I can muster <3
HoneyBean's picture

sent you an invoice ^^

sent you an invoice ^^